June 04, 2010

On Motivation

Really fascinating notions on what motivates people.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:50 PM | TrackBack

December 24, 2009

The Protestors Become the Patients

Just in case any of you were wondering about what healthcare reform is doing to America, it looks like it's going to be providing mental health services to those who most desperately need them and just in time:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:12 PM | TrackBack

October 21, 2009

On Immunization

Since I set off a firestorm on my facebook page this afternoon regarding the notion of immunization, I figured I'd come over here and at least string together a couple of links with my thoughts on the subject.

Here are the two Wired articles that got the whole thing started:

An Epidemic of Fear: How Panicked Parents Skipping Shots Endangers Us All
How to Win an Argument About Vaccines

Some more digging around found me a slightly more even-handed article in Newsweek featuring an interview with Paul Offit (mentioned in one of the Wired articles):

Stomping Through A Medical Minefield

In going through this, there was a tangent in the conversation that went towards flu vaccines with an interesting analysis of how the numbers that justify them seem slightly inflated. This article is good stuff but is really tangentially-related at best to the discussion of infant immunizations:

Does The Vaccine Matter?

Let me just say, to those who are on the other side of this issue, I would really like to see some cogent and well-documented, well-researched argumentation. The problem is that I can't find it. I'm not sure if it's not there because the research is expensive and hasn't been done yet or simply because my Google-fu can't slice through 70,000 autism/anti-vaccination conspiracy whacko websites (and, make no bones about it, Jenny McCarthy is a freaking whacko), but if anyone can find me any well-researched argumentation, I'm all-ears.

In the mean-time, I'll toss you this fascinating Wikipedia article in closing. Of particular interest are the half-dozen cases in the last 150 or so years since widespread vaccination where isolated communities stopped vaccinating and the results. And before you start mouthing about Wikipedia, note that all of this article's really interesting and salient points are well-documented with outside reference materials. In fact, I encourage you to look over this article's reference section... it's a real treasure-trove of myth-debunking links.

Vaccine Controversy*

*note: I hard-linked to the Wikipedia entry as posted at time of my posting this so that you don't get there to see "penis" scrawled all over the page and question my sanity. This is STILL Wikipedia after all.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:37 PM | TrackBack

August 19, 2009

Things I Miss About East Texas

When Iowans ask me about living in Texas and what Texas is like, it's the gems like this that I pass along to them and say "yeah, that's Texas."

To quote the relevant part for posterity:

A Smith County woman told authorities she arrived home to find a man walking out of her residence, who claimed he only wanted to make her some cornbread.

According to reports from the Smith County Sheriff's Office, the woman called deputies to her home on County Road 219 after she encountered a neighbor leaving her home.

The report stated the woman also found her blankets had been removed from her bed and spread out on the floor. Charges are expected in the case.

Oh Texas, you so crazy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:11 PM | TrackBack

May 12, 2009

The New Math

This is vastly entertaining and probably offensive to at least some of my readership. Good times.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:31 AM | TrackBack

April 18, 2009

Best Tantrum Ever

I can't help but suspect I'm missing out on something by not having this translated for me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:53 PM | TrackBack

April 12, 2009

The Hours We Work

There's been a rather interesting flame war going on inside of the International Game Developers' Association over the sorts of hours that a developer should be expected to work in order to balance out one's Quality of Life. The whole thing started over at an IGDA Studio Heads "Hotseat" Panel where Mike Capps from Epic noted that he hires his employees with the expectation that they will work a number of 60-hour weeks and get rewarded for it. The part that puzzles me is that there are people who take issue with this.

Now, let's note for a moment that I don't necessarily feel like I would want to work for a place like that, nor would I like to end up at a company that finds me working long hours when it had been advertised as quite the opposite.

That having been said, I understand that there are companies out there who, by nature, do not have standard 9-5, 40 hour schedules. That's the nature of the beast, and there are going to be companies that work insane hours, unreasonable schedules and groove on crunch-time, especially in an economy like this one. And I'm okay with that, as long as they're up-front with their new hires.

And yet, there are people who find that any company who works its employees more than 40 hours a week for any reason, even when said employees know what they're getting into, is being terribly immoral and unethical. Maybe it's just me and my capitalistic and libertarian ways, but I really don't see how there's a problem with that.

The best argument that I've seen (and believe me, "best" is simply a relative term) is that when industry-leading companies set up unhealthy work cultures where their employees don't have personal/work time balance or have substandard quality of life, that sort of thing will spread. And, to be fair, a cursory examination of the US and UK during the Industrial Revolution will bear that out to some extent.

On the other hand, the people employed in my field are professionals with education and who command relatively high salaries for what they do. We're not exactly 9-year-old children being put to work in factories and sweat-shops for subsistence wages. Most entry-level programming jobs that I know of pay well above the median income... granted that's with a 4-year degree, but still.

In fact, compare software developers to, say, individuals with liberal arts and/or teaching degrees. Nobody really bats an eye when teachers spend numerous hours grading outside of their 9-5 nor when graduate students or professionals of the liberal arts spend long hours writing papers and conducting research. Simply put, there are jobs that are 9-5 and there are jobs that are anything but, and not only are software developers paid well for working long hours, they are usually aware up-front when a job will require those hours.

And if you're lied to, you need to vote with your feet. Sure, the economy's bad right now, but if you know what the hell you're doing, you can find a job out there with an honest company. And if you aren't willing to do that, you deserve the treatment you're getting.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:00 AM | TrackBack

April 10, 2009


I don't know what the laws are in Britain regarding the protection of classified materials, but I'm pretty sure that this sort of thing is illegal.

A cursory Google search yielded the Cabinet Office's HMG Security Policy Framework.

The best part of all of this is that Labor Party Member and former London Mayor Ken Livingstone went out and told reporters that it would be wrong for such an experienced officer to resign "for holding a piece of paper the wrong way". Look, mistakes will happen, I understand that. But if you can't take the time to put classified information in a freaking folder, you deserve to lose your job.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:54 PM | TrackBack

March 12, 2009

Anatomy of a Train-Wreck

So, for those of you who haven't heard of Joaquin Phoenix, he's kind of a big deal in modern American movies. Not a huge deal, but well, he played Johnny Cash in Walk the Line, he played Commodus in Gladiator and has played a number of major and minor roles in significant films over the last decade.

Anyways, he's stated that he's retiring from film to go into the music industry as a rapper.

But really, to understand this, you need to watch the Letterman bit:

And after that, there was the appearance last night at the LIV night club in Miami. Apparently, first he kept the crowd waiting for hours and then when he finally went on stage, this happened shortly after:

Some people argue that this whole scene is a joke, others assert that the man is the next Andy Kaufman. Me? I think he's INSANE. And I think it's hilarious. This guy makes Gene Ray look like a rational and well-reasoned professor of advanced science.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:56 PM | TrackBack

March 05, 2009

Gene Ray Explains Time Cube

For those who haven't seen the site: www.timecube.com

Full disclaimer, Gene Ray is an idiot, a dumb hick and a homophobe. He is a racist moron who demonstrates everything that is wrong and nothing that is right with rural America and the South. He's also the human equivalent of a train wreck... you'd love to look away but you just can't.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:38 PM | TrackBack

January 04, 2009

Buy Diabetic!

I stumbled across this article from the Chicago Sun-Times as a result of a lot of angst and hand-wringing on a number of conservative blogs that I blog-roll (yes, I am still in tune with God's Own Party.) In it, the writer attempts to outline the interesting challenge that the Anderson family is undertaking to only spend money with black-owned establishments in 2009. Not black-friendly, not establishments that hire black people, but only black-owned establishments.

Now, a lot has been written about "what if someone wrote about buying only from white-owned businesses?" And to be fair, that has a place. But for the moment, I think it's an argument that should be held elsewhere. As for me, I'm only frequenting establishments owned by people with diabetes in the hopes of getting a documentary of my own. After all, what's the point of having principles if you're not using them to make money for you? And in my books, that's the real lesson that the Anderson family has to teach.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:37 AM | TrackBack

January 01, 2009

Auto Companies in 2009


Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:03 AM | TrackBack

November 05, 2008

Nerd God

While some of my friends may debate my Overlordship...

I am nerdier than 100% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to find out!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:41 PM | TrackBack

October 07, 2008

Election Amusements


Palin Debate Flow-Chart


Other truly inspirational images regarding my feelings on the electoral issues below the fold...

I Don't Think That Means...

Oh Gee Darn...


Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:07 PM | TrackBack

September 18, 2008

Why So Serious?

Just in case you felt that things around here were getting too serious.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:00 PM | TrackBack

September 11, 2008

Everyone's a Critic

Criticism of Sarah Palin from the Mouths of Karl Rove, Bill O'Reilly, Dick Morris, Nancy Pfotenhauer and Sarah Palin:

Even Jason Bourne is Afraid:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:31 AM | TrackBack

September 02, 2008

Chrome is Slick

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, Google Chrome is amazingly slick and fast. Really, it's everything that Firefox 3.0 wanted to be, but tons faster, tons more stable and much less of a memory hog.

It also has an awesome features page to tell you more, and an even cooler illustrated book about the features (that you really won't appreciate unless you're a big CS nerd.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:52 PM | TrackBack

July 04, 2008

Best Coloring Book Ever

Really, words fail to do this justice:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:53 AM | TrackBack

June 22, 2008

The Flood of 2008

For those of you who were curious, some statistics and a slick map of the flooding area in Cedar Rapids.

Flood stage on the Cedar River: 14 feet
Old Record (set in 1928): 21 feet
New Record: 31.1 feet
City Blocks Flooded: 1600 (~9.2 sq. miles)
Evacuees Displaced: ~24,000
Total City Population: 123,944 (2006 U.S. Census Bureau estimate)
Current Damage Estimates: $736 million

A Slick Google Map of the Flooding

View Larger Map

YouTube Video of the Flooding (filmed from atop the hotel I stayed in while interviewing)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:31 AM | TrackBack

February 04, 2008

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

I'd like to thank Dr. Watson for pointing me in this direction.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Achmed Sings Christmas Carols

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:32 PM | TrackBack

November 26, 2007

Juggler of Doom

How to catch extra food at a barbecue:

http://view.break.com/401423 - Watch more free videos

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:26 PM | TrackBack

November 16, 2007

Amusing Things

I'm working on a serious post or two, but they're going badly, so it's time for me to post fun things instead.

Starting Off

I received an email today entitled thusly:

"Smart People Buy Pi"

Out of curiousity... where does one buy pi? And can one buy e and i there as well? I hear theta is running at half-price.

Stop Wench-on-Wench Violence

I've been saying for years that arming wenches is nothing but trouble. This case in Kentucky proves my point. A man's ex-wench, armed with a meat cleaver, proceeded to attack his wench, who was armed with a gun. Violence ensued and the former was shot by the latter, who was cut up pretty good with the aforementioned cleaver. Clearly, the man involved should have kept both the cleaver and the gun and then nobody would have gotten hurt.

Parties of Sin

And no, I'm not talking about sex toy parties. Apparently, some moron got the idea that selling color-coordinated tasers to women in tupperware-esque parties. Yeah... that's right, more arming of wenches... that's never a good thing. Don't taze me, wench! Yeah... that'll work, so for the love of God, stop arming wenches!

Expense It!

And since we're on the subject of wenches, I suppose I should touch on the two uniquely female professions. First up we have ladies of the night, or escorts as they're now called. Well... I suppose this isn't an indictment of the escorts so much as it is of the moron using the escort services: namely, escorts are not a business expense. If you use your company credit card to pay for them, your company may fire you.

Of course, the counter-argument is entertaining: escorts are a lot like furniture and in a company-owned apartment, the company should pay for them. And, while entertaining and certainly expensive ($12,000 worth), that's really not the point. However, I think the words of Mr Sinadinos should be used here, as I can't even summarize the next part with a straight face: "Buying escort services for 'company' was not dissimilar to buying fittings for an apartment. I could not differentiate [escort services] from buying a rack on which to put food on for my apartment. I would leave that to an accountant."

High Price Entertainment

But $12,000 for several months' worth of "escorting" pales in comparison to the treatment that this fellow got at a strip club. The workers at said strip club charged him $6000 for what he terms at two drinks for himself and three for a stripper. Oh... and they tried to charge his card for another $10,000, but that was declined.

One could make all sorts of jokes about dens of ill repute, not to mention the simple fact that sex, drugs and alcohol are known to cloud the brain... but $16,000?! I'm fairly certain someone is owed a fairly substantive chunk of change. On the other hand, he could have tried to tip big and regretted it in the morning. One never knows in the affairs of the ... heart.

Bring Back Chauvinism

And how could we avoid all of these nasty problems of wanton women wielding weapons? What about a return to simpler times where men were men and women knew their places? When women didn't command space shuttles and inspire their daughters to violent and unseemly behavior? I know that I, for one, could do with a return to the halcyon days of yore.

Reminds Me of LeTourneau

And lastly, we have this gem. For all of the women behaving badly that I've headlined, I think this mostly makes up for it in one go. I've not actually watched the show, but the clip amused the hell out of me ti the extent that I might start:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:38 PM | TrackBack

November 13, 2007


I have to thank Leatherwood for finding and sending me this fine shirt (the first one listed). While I'm not going to do my readership the disservice of showing a picture of my ugly self wearing this shirt, I will link
this enlarged picture
of the shirt in addition to this smaller image. The only thing that makes me sad is that the image fails to show the cool text on the front bearing the simple yet poignant phrase, "knock, knock."


And damn... it is a fine shirt. Thank you muchly, good sir Leatherwood.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:23 AM | TrackBack

November 12, 2007

Writers Strike with Ninja Fury

Apparently Ask A Ninja is also in favor of the Writers' Guild. I always knew I liked that guy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:42 AM | TrackBack

November 11, 2007

Vote Jedi!

Hell, I'd vote for him.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:02 AM | TrackBack

November 10, 2007

24: The Unaired 1994 Edition

I'm really not a 24 fan, but this keeps popping up everywhere and I personally find it hillarious. PG-13 for language.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:34 PM | TrackBack

November 08, 2007

Shakespearian Cynic

William Shakespeare

Presume not that I am the Vengeful Cynic I was.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

William Shakespeare

As flies to wanton boys, are we to the Vengeful Cynic
They kill us for their sport.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

William Shakespeare

Come not between the Vengeful Cynic and his wrath.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

William Shakespeare

He jests at scars that never felt a Vengeful Cynic.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

William Shakespeare

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts! Unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top full
Of direst Vengeful Cynic.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:49 PM | TrackBack

October 29, 2007

Computer Maintenance: A Tale of Incompetence and Deceit

As anyone who's been in the computer repair industry for any length of time will tell you: the industry is just as bad as the auto repair industry and perhaps worse. We too have the mechanics who will lie to you and give you $800 repairs that you don't need, grossly misdiagnose simple problems with your computer, and just plain try to sell you upgrades and replacements that you neither need nor want. In fact, this video expose that the CBC ran a little while back is shockingly typical of what I've seen.

Now, that was just the summary... really, just the tip of the iceberg. The fact of the matter is that to get a job as a technician for most of these companies, all you need is an A+ Certification, which is the computer equivalent of a GED. To make matters worse, because these companies want cheap labor, they don't bother with ongoing training, continuing evaluations or even any attempts to encourage their employees to seek further certifications. Most of these companies are more than happy with their subpar employees and would be happier still if they could just get you to overlook the fact that their help is incompetent and overpriced. Oh... and if you thought that summary was bad, you might want to run away now rather than clicking here for a fuller look into the heart of darkness.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:12 PM | TrackBack

October 25, 2007

Nuclear Power

Every now and again I find something online that just makes me furious. In this case, it's the morons over at Nukefree.org (link not provided so as to not give these idiots any more traffic.)

Before I show this video that's pissing me off, a couple of facts.

1) Coal fire plants kill an estimated 30,000 Americans each year.

2) Due to a decrease in the availability of easily-mined coal, riskier mining practices are being used. Just watch the news. Did you see all of these people dying in mining accidents 15 years ago?

3) Experts believe that every year, there are thousands who die from coal accidents in China alone and the WHO estimates that approximately 3 million people globally are killed by complications linked to fossil fuel emissions.

4) At the most liberal estimates, total mortalities that can be attributed to nuclear power over the last fifty years are somewhere around 6,750 to 38,000. Even with the highest estimate, that turns out to be about 760 people a year. If you make that the last 25 years, it comes out to 1,520 people a year. And that includes Chernobyl.

5) While maintaining this low level of mortalities, nuclear power, until last year, provided more power in the US than natural gas.

6) And perhaps most interestingly, nuclear power over the course of the fuel life cycle in a reactor, produces approximately as much carbon emissions as does the wind.

And seriously? We're worried about nuclear energy? Apparently some musicians are:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:04 PM | TrackBack

September 18, 2007


For those of you who appreciate quality advertising for slightly older software:

Well... perhaps "quality" is a bit strong of a word.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:41 AM | TrackBack

September 10, 2007

So Proud

You Are 8% Texas
Damn Yankee! You think the sun comes up just to hear you crow.
How Texas Are You?

I would only be prouder if I had made a 0%.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:13 PM | TrackBack

September 06, 2007

Hot! Hot! Hot!

For those of you who aren't football fans, Appalachian State University beat University of Michigan (the #5 ranked school in the AP Poll) on Saturday. Just to give you an idea for how small this school is, here's an old recruiting video that they actually released:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:10 PM | TrackBack

August 29, 2007

Educate US Americans and Fix The Iraq


I ought to start a charity for this. Geographers for American Education and Fixing The Iraq.

Feel free to copy this and send a link back to me. Also, if you've got a better one, send me a link. In fact, I will happily send candy to the best banner I get with lesser prizes going to other amusing entries.

Come on people, get maps in the hands of US Americans and save The Iraq.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:20 PM | TrackBack

August 28, 2007

Enriching Hearts and Minds

Anyone who claims that Beauty Pageants promote scholarship needs to watch this video of Miss Teen South Carolina. She got 4th place overall.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:57 AM | TrackBack

Idealogical Self-Deception

A friend of mine sent me to Conservapedia where I found this:


I screenshotted it given the transient nature of wikis. Anyone who could read that and not get a bit ill in his stomach needs a boot to the head. Anyone who could write that with a straight face... well... yeah.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:55 AM | TrackBack

August 27, 2007

Best Book Cover Ever

If I ever write a book (and I hope I do), I would like a title and cover comparable in excellence and awesomeness to this one:


Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:48 PM | TrackBack

August 24, 2007

Just... Wow

I haven't had an honest to God warped link in a while. I mean, I've had some special stories and stuff, but not an authentic warped link. Well, I'm making up for it in this one link.

Moan My IP

Yes... that's right... they have pre-recorded a phone sex operator or something moaning numbers in a sultry voice. So do you want to find out your external IP address in a unique way? Check it out.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:09 PM | TrackBack

August 23, 2007

The Authority on Longview Cable TV

Did you know that for a while, I was the first result on a Google search for "Longview Cable"? I'm still number three or four (depending on how you count the nested link to Longview/Kilgore Cable's contact link... but I digress. As you will note if you click on the above search, this very well-visited entry is not very complimentary of LCTV's capacity as a provider of internet services. And while I really can't complain about their capabilities in providing television, I felt that it was time that I reiterate that Longview Cable TV still sucks.

As Randy and Jared can both attest, the internet has been spotty over the course of the summer with frequent and inexplicable downtimes of varying lengths, lasting maybe 5 minutes or as much as a day. And when the internet does go down, a call to Cablelynx (Longview Cable's internet provider) tech support rarely yields anything other than a wonderful message that goes something like this, "We are currently experiencing technical difficulties in your area and hope to return internet service to normal within three to four hours."

Of course, it's not like I really have a whole lot of options. I happen to know that AT&T (formerly SBC) is just as bad, if not worse. I might go with ClearWire at some point in the future as I've been hearing rave reviews, they're a national company, and as an up-and-coming company, they are beholden to offer superior support to what the incumbent provides.

But really, since I keep getting these pageviews regarding Longview/Kilgore Cable Television, I figured I'd put up a couple more posts of information and attempt to educate more of the locals about the dangers of companies owned/operated by hicks attempting to provide "new-fangled" services like internet.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:32 AM | TrackBack

Of Breaking Laws and Immunity

I was running down my standard reading for the morning and imagine my surprise when I discovered that National Intelligence Director Mitch McConnell admits that Verizon, AT&T and others have happily tapped their customers phones at the behest of the various US Intelligence Agencies. And since they've done that, Mr. McConnell suggests that they should be given immunity for their patriotism. Which is all well and good, with the exception of one very important point: THEY BROKE THE FUCKING LAW.

Now, with apologies to my wife and others with more sensitive sensibilities who read this, why on Earth would we even consider pardoning those who would BREAK LAWS to spy on American citizens. Never mind that I'm sure they would argue that their motives are pure as the driven snow, getting warrants is hard, the secret courts are intractable and that the FISA (The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) is inadequate, etc, etc, etc... we are a nation of laws.

Really, what I'm reading is that the National Intelligence Director is saying, "Our processes are antiquated and inadequate and rather than spend the time to suggest valid and much-needed improvements to those processes while maintaining existing oversight, we just went directly to the telcos and got them to help us end-run federal law. But since they're good, patriotic companies, you shouldn't punish them just because they broke the law." This all sounds vaguely reminiscent of another time period in American history where a threat to national security loomed so large that we couldn't possibly be bothered by legalities in our intelligence agencies.

Long story short, I find this whole business terribly troubling and doubly so that President Bush seems to expect the American people to trust that he's got our best interests at heart, we should trust him to know what he's doing, and that his people are equally above reproach and should just be given carte blanche because they love America and wouldn't ever do anything but what's best for America. Frankly, this sort of Machiavellian nonsense where, "trust me, the ends justify the means" would have troubled me in the past and with the advent of Iraq and all of the things that have come out since then, it seems painfully obvious that there is a substantial period of time where this administration hasn't the slightest idea what it's doing. And they want us to let them do whatever they feel is best without the slightest bit of oversight.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:14 AM | TrackBack

Take That, Apple

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:57 AM | TrackBack

August 03, 2007

Odd News

It might have been a while since I've posted... but mostly, I'm putting these odd links up because that's what I do. Not to mention that some of these were just too good to pass up.

Public Service Announcement

Before I get into my warped links and videos though, I'd just like to repeat a public service announcement forwareded to me by the city of Raleigh, North Carolina: If you are in the area of Raleigh and you are approached by street vendors peddling lingerie, call the police. Turns out, there are about $35,000 worth of bras and panties out for sale on the streets that were stolen from area Victoria's Secret stores and police have no leads. Seriously people, buying stolen lingerie is a crime if you know it's stolen... and what honest businessman sells thongs out of the trunk of a car anyways?

Public Nuisance

Continuing on in the bent of good civic-mindedness... say that you work at a day care center... and you look out the window and see a strange car parked out front. That in and of itself is cause for a bit of concern... and then you notice that said car is rocking and the two occupants are engaged in... well... creating new customers for your day care. Amusing as that is, better still is when you call the police and the police arrive, only to find that the occupants are far too busy getting after it to even notice for a couple of minutes. As a friend of mine noted, "Looking at those mug shots, they look like such intelligent people. I don't know how they made that mistake."

The Things We Do For Love

On the topic of dumb things done for a woman's affections, we go to Hawaii. When cops tell you to do something, I don't care how much you want to do otherwise, do it. Or suffer the consequences. So, if officers have already told you twice not to ring the silly little bell on your bike unless you want a ticket for violating the noise ordinance, and it's 2 am, don't let the girl ring your bell. Just don't do it. Or you might end up like this guy, who got fined $572 by the local judge. Of course the judge could have been a bit more lenient, but some people just have no appreciation for love.

Why Wilson Travels Amtrak

You just thought Wilson rode the train to avoid flying. Turns out, they're giving frequent rail passengers a $100 credit for booze as a promotion to ride in the GrandLuxe cabins. If Wilson's not travelling GrandLuxe, he certainly needs to be. Hey Wilson, where do I get my train tickets? Even at $6 or $7 per drink and probably $30 to $40 per bottle of wine, $100 is enough to finance a VERY diverting passage by train.

I Only Thought Lake City Was Crazy

Apparently, the mayor of Federal Heights was recently tried and acquitted of criminal complicity in illegal lap-dances being performed in a strip club in his town while he was mayor. As a side-note, mayor Dale Sparks was also employed as the bouncer at said strip club while he was mayor, hence the criminal charges. Wow... compared to Federal Heights, Lake City is a tame and normal town in Colorado.
Oh wait, it gets better. You see, first, he was moonlighting as a bouncer because his job as mayor doesn't pay enough. Secondly, he was the "doorman" (read: enforcer/bouncer) and at the same time, had a bad hip... and nobody suspected that there was something untoward with a crippled mayor working as a bouncer at a strip club? And lastly, the prosecution had a video tape of the mayor walking (hobbling) by the bar while patrons were getting lap dances and yet he got acquitted of complicity? Is he blind too and nobody thought to mention that?

German Avant-Garde Film Editing

This little gem is just too good to pass up. Check it out... and watch it straight through... remember, this is all live action being video-taped in one take.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:09 AM | TrackBack

July 26, 2007

Protecting the Elderly

I can't stop laughing about this program. I mean, yeah, I get that people with HIV/AIDS are getting older, but seriously... how many septegenarians are sleeping around? I'm guessing the number isn't all that large. Even so, if it saves one, I suppose it's worth it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:06 AM | TrackBack

A Couple of Things

First off, I found this quotation rather entertaining and fairly descriptive of the people who I typically run into: "When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."
--Dale Carnegie

Secondly, while I am wholly against the arming of wenches, as I have mentioned elsewhere at great length, this picture is just sexy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:28 AM | TrackBack

July 24, 2007

YouTube Debate

Tonight was one of the best Daily Show episodes in a long time. Unfortunately, the best I can do for you is to embed the links from the Comedy Central Site. They'll go dead in 30 days, but we try.

Ah... The YouTube Debate

Different and Yet Exactly The Same

We Report, You Shut Your @#$%-ing Mouth

Trendspotting (Need I Say More?)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:35 PM | TrackBack

June 13, 2007

Making Amends

In light of the fact that I've done my "go to ground for two weeks" nonsense again, I am going to make amends in the best way I know how. You've already seen my wonderful finds in the arena of political amusement and marketing, but I will attempt to render amusements from other areas in my ritual otherwise known as "it's been two weeks since I posted and my blog is looking kind of sparse."

Pasties Funding Pavement: The Adult Industry Gives Back to Brooklyn

Brooklyn, Illinois is a bedroom suburb of St. Louis. Most remarkably, its only real industry is adult-oriented entertainment, movies and bookstores. In short, the entirety of the commercial tax base is derived from XXX establishments. The truly amusing part of all of this is the vague ambivalence the community has towards the establishments and the level at which the local adult industry gives back to the community. Actually, if a visitor didn't know better, by all accounts, he would be hard-pressed to differentiate Brooklyn from any other small suburb of a big city... at least until night fell and the town's population tripled.

Excessive Nudity?!

Speaking of strippers, apparently some police raided a strip-club in Pasadena, MN and charged 14 strippers with "excessive nudity." Now, call me crazy... I understand that stripping bears a certain moral stigma and whatnot... but isn't nudity the point of stripping? As a friend of mine noted, nudity is kind of a binary condition... either you're naked, or you're not. Apparently, that's not how it works in Minnesota.

Racism for Dummies

And lastly... apparently there is a man in Belgium whose excuse for not hiring non-whites is that his dog is racist. Yes... the dog will bite anyone of color, and thus, he cannot hire them. Fortunately, the Belgian Labor Office decided that keeping a racist dog and catering to its White Supremacist leanings is still just cause for being removed from their list of potential employers. Unfortunately, the Nigerian man who brought this matter to light doesn't want his name in the news and thus has declined to file a formal complaint. Apparently, he doesn't want his family hearing about that sort of thing... can't say I blame him.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:31 PM | TrackBack

June 12, 2007

The Word on NASA

While I have frequently pulled from the amusing reportoire of Jon Stewart, Colbert has been neglected, mostly due to a difficutly finding his stuff on YouTube and the complete pain that is the Comedy Central MotherLoad video system. That said, this mockery of Michael Griffin (NASA's Chief Administrator), is too good to be ignored.

Part One: Mission Control
Once again, NASA has shown the right stuff. Other government agencies should follow their lead.

Part Two: Airogance
If mankind hasn't done something before, it can't possibly be worth trying.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:02 PM | TrackBack

June 11, 2007

Best Beer Commercial Ever

In fact, I might just have to call this one of the best commercials ever. Incidentally, it's rated PG for censored profanity. All of the profanity is censored, but if you have a creative imagination, you'll figure it out. So yeah... don't come whining to me if you end up offended.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:52 AM | TrackBack

May 31, 2007

Babysitting or Else

Alright... I know this is going to offend someone... too bad. This video is a perfect testament to why parents should keep an eye on their children, especially when out in public. In fact, I think this ought to be mandatory watching for new mommies. Incidentally, I find it freaking hillarious... but that's just me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:41 AM | TrackBack

May 18, 2007

Movies and Numbers?

This ought to be fun for the resident film buffs as well as the number nerds. Not to mention those of us who love classic film clips mixed up in unusual ways. The challenge for all of you movie buffs is to bust out a piece of paper (or notepad, in my case) and see how many you can identify in one run through. My personal score is 43... which I'm kinda kicking myself over now that I've checked the list and re-watched it.

And before you go to the cheat-sheet, see how many of those movies you can identify. Oh... cheat sheet link is below the cut to encourage you to exercise your minds first for big cheaters like Anna.

The promised cheat-sheet.

I personally missed a coulple of glaring stand-outs like Spinal Tap, The Wizard of Oz, It's a Wonderful Life and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Among movies that I've only seen once that I missed are Fargo, 12 Angry Men, North by Northwest, and On the Waterfront. I'd just as soon not admit to having ever seen Night of the Living Dead.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:51 PM | TrackBack

May 11, 2007

The Heavens Ordain

So it would seem that I am predestined to return to blogging this week, as there are news stories hitting which I simply couldn't conceive of ignoring. The stars have aligned, and the skies have given forth madness. Behold the works of fate and the madness of man:

You're Illegally Not Using Our Product!

Now this is a little bit complicated, so bear with me. When you transmit music or video over the internet in real-time, you use something called a data stream so that people can watch it as it "streams in"... many of you have probably heard of "streaming technology" before. One of the down-sides of this is that, with the correct technology, it's fairly trivial to rip copy protection off of streamed content unless it's encrypted. Of course, the difficulty of getting this software and using it prevents most people from doing that, but it is possible.

Now, this is where Media Rights Technologies comes in. According to them, because their software can be used to encrypt these data streams and people aren't using it, those people aren't doing everything they can to stop copyright infringement and are thus in violation of the DMCA, and MRTA is suing these companies to get them to comply... by buying MRTA's software. The part where this gets really fun is that some of the companies that MRTA is planning to sue include CNN and NPR, who own almost all, if not all of the content they distribute. That's right, MRTA is going to sue these companies for not protecting their own content with MRTA's software.

Showdown at the Pops

In between the first notes of a medley from "Gigi" and the performance by Ben Folds, the unannounced percussion of thrown chairs eminated from an upper balcony at Boston's Symphony Hall, home of the Boston Pops. Conductor Keith Lockhart stopped the performance and the audience looked on as two men brawled, ripping shirts and crashing into chairs as a crowd looked on. Eventually, security made it to the brawling men, they were removed and the concert resumed. No word yet on the response of the performers or of the fate of the nutjobs, who apparently started fighting when one asked the other to quiet down.

Beaver 2.0

And from the far reaches of the high culture, we return to Geek Nirvana, where taxidermy has met with the more modern scientists. Because apparently, bored taxidermist + computer modder + dead beaver = BEAVER WITH A COMPUTER INSIDE. Just wow... really. The only thing crazier than that would be a baby going head-to-head...

Beyond Bizarre

Words fail me... really.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:15 AM | TrackBack

April 03, 2007

Amusements for All

While I work on headier stuff, here's some entertainment that I've found.


The Unit: 1, Bird: 0

This clip is an older one, but still a classic... provided with commentary and slow-motion footge.

Bird With Mad Skillz

For those who think I'm being too cruel to animals, I am even going out of my way to provide a "cute" clip of a bird who thinks he's a drum machine. He's like Gallagher, only cool and with wings.

Stupid Human Tricks

And lastly, I present the Top 10 Female Drivers of the Year. We're not worthy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:32 PM | TrackBack

March 28, 2007

While I Think

While I'm working on a unified response to the mess that is my recent comments page (thank you Anna and Toad for the warring walls of text), I leave you with this wonderful and slightly cultured comic. Normally I don't hotlink, but this particular comic provides hotlink html code, so I guess he wants me to do it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:46 PM | TrackBack

March 26, 2007

Hurts My Brain

I've found another crop of interesting articles and news... I know, I probably ought to save them for the next time I go on hiatus. Ah well, let's just hope I don't.

Breast Enlargement > Prozac

In a somewhat amusing, self-evident and slightly self-serving study, Plastic Surgical Nursing has just published a study in which women who received breast implants overwhelmingly reported an increase in self-esteem and sexual function (a mix of arousal, satisfaction and experience.) Of course, the study's author is quick to point out that boob jobs shouldn't be used as a universal cure for depression.

Hamilton == Classy

Several of you have heard me talk of the crappy city of Hamilton (formerly Hamilton!), which is located about 10 minutes from my mother's house in Ohio. Apparently, due to a proliferation of deadbeat dads in the county, a Hamilton pizza joint is teaming with the Butler County Child Enforcement Agency to put mug-shots of deadbeats on pizza boxes.

Sadly, the method has only netted one arrest in 6 months of use. Some, like fathers' rights advocate Maury Beaulier think it's horrible, "It's just a way of shaming people." But isn't that kind of the point? In any event, it does have just the mix of redneck tackiness and indicators of crappy residents that I've come to expect of Hamilton!... er... Hamilton.

Wrongful Purchase?!

According to the infamous Diebold Election Systems Inc., the State of Massachusetts wrongfully picked another company to supply thousands of voting machines for the disabled. Yes, Diebold claims that Massachusetts Secretary of State William F. Galvin and his office have wronged Diebold in picking the better machine... and Diebold is so adamant that it's suing the Massachusetts.

While the company admits that it actually has no evidence of wrongdoing, negligence or even improriety, it claims that the Secretary of State at least made a mistake and is seeking to enjoin the state from distributing the machines for the coming election so that it can have the court force the state to buy Diebold Machines. Wow.... just, wow.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:04 PM | TrackBack

March 08, 2007

True To Form

As always, when I come back from a break, we get more twisted linkage and funny stuff. The longer the hiatus, the more fun stuff. Thus, buckle in... here comes a doozy.

Housing Market Slumping

For those of you who follow the news, especially as relates to the US Economy, you will recall hearing a wide variety of speculation as to the viability of the US Housing Market, especially as regards to overinflated housing prices due to speculation. Well, the home-builders are predicting an ongoing housing slump. And because they're home-builders and not bankers, they're telling it like it is in language that the common man can understand. The CEO of the second-largest building company in the nation says it best: "I don't want to be too sophisticated here, but 2007 is going to suck, all 12 months of the calendar year."

Best Legal Deposition EVER

This is 5 minutes of pure awesome. It's PG-13 or so owing to the lady's language. Incidentally, by minute 2 or 3 you might be tempted to stop watching, but keep going because it gets better. On an unrelated note: the clothing is awesome, as is the slapstick.

More Legal Fun

Herein are contained the legal woes of one Harry Franklin. Mr. Franklin continued to file suits pro se which numbered well over one hundred at the point at which this district court judge finally penned a complaint regarding Franklin's litigious and frivolous nature:

This is another chapter in the Harry Franklin saga. No longer am I tempted to call it the final chapter, as desirable as that would be to me. I mention mournfully that only the finality of death-his or mine-would enable the other of us to use the term “final” in that way. And, of course, if mine comes first, I have no doubt that another judge will someday express lamentations such as these. They will be packaged and labeled, by reason of tradition, as opinions.

Visit the link above to see a best-of run-down of Franklin's numerous lawsuits which include suits alleging the abridging of his right to be supplied with t-shirts, a $2 million suit against a television station for misidentifying a 14-wheeler as an 18-wheeler, and a lawsuit against the state for passing legislation that stands in the way of him being governor.

Ingenuity, Desperation, or Something

Shock of shocks, bathrooms were vandalized with graffiti at a Tampa high school last week. Problematically, in a school of 3000 students, all but one set of bathrooms were closed, causing problems with tardiness and long lines. In search of an answer and to avoid tardiness, students have taken up the low-tech alternatives of bushes and even water bottles as options to relieve themselves. Wow.

In The Name of Science

Because of the endangered nature of elephants, there is a larger than usual interest in ensuring their reproduction and procuring offspring. As with other endangered animals, this typically involves advanced scientific methods like sperm injections, artificial insemination etc. Unfortunately, the... unwieldy... size of an elephant poses unique difficulties... and risks. Ever gotten a black eye from an elephant's dick?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:33 AM | TrackBack

February 01, 2007

Fit to Print Redux

While I sit here cogitating on a real post, I have more signs of the coming apocalypse...

Using Too Much of Your Own Product

Apparently, some dealer thought it would be a good idea to ship some pot FedEx. And by "some" I mean SEVENTY POUNDS. 70 lbs of pot is enough to set off drug dogs in the next town... yeah, ship that FedEx from Arizona to New Jersey and see what happens.

Stealing Guard-Rails for Fun and Profit

With the advent of aluminum fetching $3 a pound for scrap metal, some Californians struck on a brilliant idea: there's tons of aluminum just lying on the side of the road. Well... it might be bolted down, but at roughly $30 a foot, the aluminum in the guard-rails is worth cutting a couple of bolts. And in one month, crooks enterprising entrepreneurs in California have stolen 3,000 feet of guard rails to the tune of ~$90,000 worth of aluminum.

Emergency 911

And lastly... the capstone of cleverness, a Salt Lake City man with a tooth-ache simply couldn't take it any more and called 911. 12 times. In 5 hours. Oh... and he was on the phone for 30 minutes several of those times. He refused an ambulance and police assistance, asserted that he wanted illegal drugs taken off the street and he wanted the phone number of someone who could help ease the pain. After police were dispatched twice to check on the man and he failed to stop calling while failing to communicate what help he needed, he was arrested for 911 abuse. When he was booked he was found to be intoxicated... with a dentist appointment scheduled for the next day.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:02 AM | TrackBack

January 31, 2007

Don't Let the Terrorists Win

Remember: If you don't dress as a gorilla today, the terrorists win.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:09 AM | TrackBack

January 29, 2007


When one attempts to get back to blogging regularly, the best way to do it is by posting all of the wonderful things one has found and failed to blog... at least that works for me:

Biggest DeadPool Party

Actually... it's mostly just a party planned to celebrate the death of one man: Fidel Castro. Way to go Miami... which even went so far as to establish a commission to figure out a theme, t-shirts, musicians and party duration. I do believe that this is the first time I've ever heard of a whole city planning a party to mark the death of a world leader since WWII. Apparently, the party has been in the works for some time but someone figured that with Fidel's death apparently looming, someone ought to actually make some plans.

Blame Canada

Apparently the Canadian government is currently considering whether or not to make children wear helmets while sledding. It is currently just a recommended guideline for sledding by Health Canada (the Canadian federal board of health.) I mean, I understand the risks of hitting one's head on stuff... but honestly... what's next? Rollbars for the sleds?

The Great Phallic Fence

Apparently in the Hindu faith, the Shiva Linga (read: giant penis) is a symbol of fertility and good fortune, depending on who you ask. So the proprietor of The Sappaya Spa in the town of Phuket (I'm not making this up) decided that a fence made of 18 giant penises would bring good fortune from Shiva.

Understandably, the neighbors and members of this mostly-Buddhist village were none too pleased that the Spa, which was located near the entrance to town, was sporting such a... noticeable fence. Complaints flooded in and the owner of the fence has decided to transform the phalluses into lotus blossoms.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:51 PM | TrackBack

January 24, 2007

Pachelbel Ranting

This video was passed to me by a musician friend of mine. You don't need to be a musician to appreciate it... I find it funny and I can bearly play "Hot Cross Buns."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:04 AM | TrackBack

January 15, 2007

All the News

... that probably wasn't fit to print. But it's sure funny.

Plow:1 Old Lady:0 City of Denver:$150

Apparently, in Denver, it is against the law to fail to clear your sidewalks within 24 hours of them being covered... a crime punishable by a $150 fine the first time and $500 for repeat offenses.

What if you're a little old lady and can't shovel your sidewalk on your own? Better hire help.

What if you've already hired help and the plows pushed more snow on your sidewalks?
Oops. 24 hours... or else.

"Hold it for Just a Few More Miles"

Apparently radio people at a station in Sacramento thought it would be a good idea to get some contestants, give them water and see who could hold it in for the longest. The winner gets a Nintendo Wii. The name of this charming contest? “Hold your wee for a Wii.”

It's all good... until SOMEBODY DIES. There's some good PR.

Did you know that you could die of water poisoning? I didn't.

Tasers FTW

Last but not least is this little gem which notes that giving stun guns to Houston police seems to not have had the desired effect: namely that police use their deadly guns less likely in favor of the stun-guns?

The actual effect? Well... normal shootings are following pre-existing trends but stun-gun shootings are sharply on the rise. Oh... and get this: Houston police officers have used Tasers more than 1,000 times in the past two years. But in 95 percent of those cases, they were not used to defuse situations in which suspects wielded weapons and deadly force clearly would have been justified. Oh... and in over 350 of those, no suspect was charged. That's right... over 1/3 of the time, Houston police officers are tasering people who aren't breaking any laws. That's just awesome.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:18 PM | TrackBack

January 14, 2007

Why Do Scientists Hate America?

Did you know that scientists who want to convert the country to metric actually hate America and Freedom? SI is for pussies and Europeans... stick with the American tradition of English measurement.

Compulsory metrication is undemocratic. Who ever asked you if you wanted the metric system? Our traditional, customary American weights and measures are units that we know and use easily. Miles, feet, gallons, quarts etc. are units that we are comfortable with. They are part of our heritage. Metrication will not only destroy part of our cultural inheritance, it will mean that a large percentage of Americans will be cut off from understanding measurement. The metric system is already creeping into the USA. Our way of measuring is under threat by Europeans.... fight back!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:28 PM | TrackBack

January 13, 2007


So... you're a single guy looking to meet attractive, professional ladies. The dating scene isn't working out so you pay $1000 to join a club that proposes to fix you up with women such as those described earlier. Instead, you find yourself hooking up with ugly waitresses and the like. The next logical step is clearly a lawsuit, propelling yourself into the local news as a desperate, single 36-year-old who needs to pay $1000 to meet women. I probably would have gone with a different strategy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:09 PM | TrackBack

January 04, 2007

Just So Everyone Knows

The headline reads like this: "Santa Butt beer ban gets reversed in Maine"

I just wanted everyone to know that beer labels with large butts and uncovered breasts on them are back in the good up in Maine. Just so you know.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:50 PM | TrackBack

January 03, 2007

Working at Wal-Mart

I honestly can't believe that anyone would want to work at Wal-Mart... but apparently they still have workers. Apparently, now Wal-Mart wants to arbitrarily schedule those workers at random shifts during the week based on Wal-Mart's scheduling needs. From all indications, this comes with no pay increase or added benefits... just the joy of working for Wal-Mart.

Now, as a fiscal conservative and a pro-business fellow, I'm not a huge fan of the union mentality. In my opinion, the modern workplace is full of unions that work to the detriment of business for the benefit of union members who have paid the most dues. That said, I'm all for the primary goal of unions, namely: providing better wages, healthcare and benefits for their members than said members could seek on their own.

Wal-Mart is scared to death of unions, and with good reason. Ask any Wal-Mart employee: they are treated like shit, their pay is less than comparable employees working for other stores, management uses cheesy gimmicks to avoid providing full-time benefits for many workers, and the list goes on. Any one of those things would be a good reason for Wal-Mart workers to unionize... all of them combine for a scenario where it's just a matter of time. Don't ask me to make bets on when, but I can see it happening.

Like I said, normally, modern unions just make me sick. But in this case, I'd help out in the organization drive.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:56 AM | TrackBack

December 20, 2006

Buy Now!


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December 11, 2006

The Zune

I'm making no secret of the fact that I think the MS Zune is a piece of crap iPod knock-off. That said, I was shocked to find out how the Zune came to be.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:03 PM | TrackBack

Why Does This Amuse Me?

I have no idea why I can't stop watching this and laughing.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:04 AM | TrackBack

December 07, 2006

From the Pile

Just because I haven't been posting hasn't meant that the stuff coming to me has stopped piling up. Here are a couple of the fun ones:

A History of the Wilhelm Scream Through Movie Clips:

A Thorough Justification for Piracy

For those who have attempted to debate my rationalizations of various forms of piracy, I give you a justification for pirating BBC products. Please note: pirating HBO products has, in fact, been proven to prevent cancer by Swedish experts from the Piratbyrån.

Lawsuits for Haxx

And lastly, the WoW crowd will probably appreciate this a bit more than the non-players, but I hope you'll all be amused. World of Warcraft just released a patch which eliminated the ability for a variety of third-party interface modifications (known as mods) to do complex decision-making and acting at the push of a button. In short, they've eliminated a variety of programs that skirted close to game automation (which is against the game's Terms of Service) and a variety of players are unhappy. Some even feel that they could get away with suing Blizzard (the makers of WoW) and win. Look, if (and that's a big if) some of these people are actually handicapped and these mods let them play in a way approaching a fully-functional person, I feel for them. But what's next? Sue the makers of Dance Dance Revolution? You do not have an inalienable right to play video games.... sorry.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:25 AM | TrackBack

November 16, 2006

The Dread Forums

For those of you who have had the chance to visit video game forums (especially of the MMORPG variety), this article on the identifying and classification of forum whiners should amuse you.

For those of you who have never had the oppurtunity, read the article and go away with the knowledge that you are better for never having gone to such a forum. Unless you're Ardith... and then you're probably sad that there's a whole classification of forums out there that you haven't trolled.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:52 AM | TrackBack

November 13, 2006

Customer Interaction

It's not often that you see a company representative crack back on an idiot customer in the company forums, so I figured that I would highlight one such instance.

A warning: the game is World of Warcraft... one which many of you have been fastidiously avoiding the very mention of. That said, the referenced interaction is so peripherally involved that you really don't even need to understand anything about the game. It makes a little bit more sense if you understand that the game as it stands only allows land-bound movement (i.e. walking, riding a horse) and while the new expansion will include flying abilities, these abilities will only be allowed in a new area as existing areas weren't created with the additional requirements that non-land-bound movement imposes. Oh... the quotation?

You're right, we could completely half ass the entire thing and put invisible walls everywhere breaking immersion, making flight in Azeroth counter-intuitive, and even less useful than if we hadn't even spent the time in the first place.

If you want to pretend you know how to design a game, or more importantly, you know the design of this game including the personnel, tools, and logistics involved, you can go right ahead, but I would appreciate it if you didn't call me a liar when my statements don't match up with your armchair musings. Thank you.
- Drysc - Blizzard World of Warcraft Community Manager

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:07 AM | TrackBack

November 10, 2006

Pithy Election Analysis

I don't think I can say it any better than this:


Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:12 AM | TrackBack

Robot Insurrection

A while ago, I read about a robot sommelier that can scan bottles of wine and identify the contents without opening the bottle. Apparently said robot can do the same thing with meat and cheese, leading a reporter to insert his own finger for identification. The result? Bacon. I, for one, welcome our new finger-eating overlords.

In other signs of the coming apocalypse, outgoing MS co-president Jim Allchin is so confident in the security of Windows Vista that he has his son running it without an anti-virus. I think this should instead be filed under 101 signs that MS Execs are retards... right next to the Zune. Speaking of, the New York Times has a review up of the Zune... which indicates that it's just like the iPod except that it's bigger, heavier, harder to use, and brown. Oh, and the much-anticipated wireless antenna knocks a whole hour off of the battery life on each charge.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:36 AM | TrackBack

November 08, 2006

Post-Election Drama

For those of you irritated that the election isn't already dealt with and who are sick of the drama, maybe this will cheer you up. Turns out that some people just can't handle the stress of electronic voting.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:34 AM | TrackBack

November 03, 2006

Bad Reasoning 101

Typically, I stay away from the Rap Scene. This is due in no small part to the fact that, while a great deal of rap amuses me, my wife hates almost all rap with a passion that burns. Oh... and with actual regards to the Rap Scene, there is the small matter of my disdain for the Urban Sub-Culture, but that's a discussion for another time.

In any event, for those of you not in the know, we have just passed the epic annual event known as the MTV Europe Music Awards. Yeah, I know, it just sneaks up on me every year too. Anyways, apparently Kanye West thought he had the Best Video Award locked in and the shock of not winning it went to his head. So much so that he sat in stunned silence for a while before responding.

But when West did respond, he rushed the stage, seized a microphone and cut loose with a profanity-laden tirade, criticizing those who failed to seize upon his greatness and reward it. In chastising them, West noted that his video for "Touch the Sky should have won because it "cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons." Continuing, West proclaimed, "If I don't win, the awards show loses credibility."

You know, with stuff like that going on, maybe I'll be watching more of these award shows. It's hard to justify missing them when you know that if West doesn't win, you'll be treated to such pearls of wisdom.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:00 PM | TrackBack

October 11, 2006

Light Tax

It would appear that Ted Stevens has been doing some governmental consulting in India. Apparently, using a fiberoptic data cable is the same thing as selling light... which is apparently a commodity. Or so Indian tax collectors would lead you to believe.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:21 AM | TrackBack

September 27, 2006

When Cockroaches Attack

Cockroaches are totally going to take out weather men everywhere.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:17 AM | TrackBack

September 22, 2006

Financial Liability

As much as I hate increased regulation insofar as computing is concerned, I think it's high time that firms and governmental agencies who collect sensitive personal and financial data should be held strictly liable for the loss or compromise of that data. It seems obvious that the companies and agencies involved aren't going to deal with it any other way.

For instance, within the last 5 years, the Commerce Department alone has lost over 1100 laptops. This doesn't count that wonderfully aggregious loss on the part of the Veteran Affairs Department in May, nor does it account for laptops acknowledged to have contained sensitive files lost by the Agriculture, Defense, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, and Transportation Departments. And this is just the government which, while worse than the private sector in terms of oversight, is probably accounting for less than half of the data leaks.

Look, this isn't rocket science. Institute a policy where sensitive data can't leave the office unencrypted and include auditing and enforcement. Set up a secure server and a VPN for those who regularly need to get sensitive data from abroad... but whatever you do, quit letting employees put spreadsheets of thousands of incredibly sensitive records on their laptops and dragging them home.

Now, it should be noted that I'd also question the oversight and viability of any organization where the average is over 230 laptops are either stolen or lost every year. By the Commerce Department's estimates, there were roughly 30,000 laptops in use by the department over the last 5 years. By the numbers, just over 1 out of every 30 laptops appropriated to the Commerce Department was either lost or stolen. Hopefully other departments and organizations have slightly better mechanisms in place... but just in case the government and private industry haven't got the security of the customer first in their mind (*gasp* such a supposition), let's make them liable for these breaches of security.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:37 AM | TrackBack

September 18, 2006

Pure Genius

An increasing number of idiots are coming out of the wood-work to make fools out of themselves over the issue of Pope Benedict's remarks last week. Even amongst other Christians, individuals such as the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Coptic Pope in Egypt are failing to point out that Benedict XVI was not espousing the statement by Byzantine Emperor Manuel II Paleologus that vilifies Islam and Mohammed, but rather he was analyzing it and using it as a context within which to start a discussion.

To make matters increasingly disgusting, the Coptic Pope is trying to use this idiotic debacle as an example to demonstrate some form of religious one-upmanship where his denomination is better at reaching out to Muslims than is Roman Catholicism. Even more bizarre perhaps is the response of militant Muslims.

As a response to allegedly having their religion referred to as "evil and inhuman" (the Byzantine Emperor's historic words), a number of hateful and threatening statements have emerged. From the Mujahideen Shura Council (a segment of al-Qaida's Iraqi branch): “We tell the worshipper of the cross (the pope) that you and the West will be defeated, as is the case in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya.” There are also a number of reports of militants attempting to show the pope how wrong he is by killing nuns in Somalia, burning churches in the West Bank, chanting "death to the Pope" in Kashmir, and the issuing of this statement on an al-Qaida bulletin board: "We shall break the cross and spill the wine ... God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome ... (May) God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen."

Now, it should be noted that these are extremists who aren't exceptionally noted for their historic tendency towards rational response. That said, the ironic idiocy of militants taking umbrage at allegedly being referred to as members of a violent religion and responding to this perceived offense by engaging in violence is starting to drive me insane. Obviously, there are intelligent and rational members of both Christian and Muslim communities... they're the ones who are waiting for the controversy to blow over before resuming the dialogue that was happily taking place before the media and the militants showed up.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:43 PM | TrackBack

September 01, 2006

Senator Ted Stevens

Did you know that the internet is a giant series of tubes? Did you also know that many members of the House of Representatives wants to ban online gambling unless it's on horse-racing or interstate lottery drawings?

And just in case you were wondering about that legislation that Senator Stevens was commenting on... there's actually a good explanation of the Net Neutrality buried in there with the Chuck Norris jokes.

And for those of you unfamiliar with Ted Stevens.... Jon Stewart asks "Just who the %#@$ is Ted Stevens?"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:44 PM | TrackBack

August 07, 2006

Snakes on a Plane

To those of you who haven't caught on to the phenomenon yet, Snakes on a Plane is coming. The video below tells of its coming (it's the title music track done by the group Cobra Starship.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:16 AM | TrackBack

July 25, 2006

My Kind of News

In the vein of Zinedine Zidane comes this from the world of horse-racing. Specifically, Jockey Paul O'Neill was seen on tape being thrown from his horse, City Affair. This would be nothing special... if O'Neill hadn't come around in front of City Affair and head-butted him. Oddly enough, this seems to have been exactly what the thoroughbred needed, if the change of horse's change of temperment on the film is any indication. That said, the Horceracing Regulatory Authority has decided to launch an investigation into "improper behavior" on the part of O'Neill.
For my part, I'm vastly amused. Seriously, who headbutts a horse? I also have doubts about City Affair considering that he just took that headbutt and backed down. I mean, come on... who's going to want a stud with a reputation of lacking chutzpah. City Affair needs to consider his street cred and take some drastic measures. Maybe he needs to go win a race in France... at least then people would start levelling allegations of doping against him and start taking him seriously. And if that's too hard, just go get arrested on solicitation or drug trafficking charges. Come on City Affair... do you have what it takes to be a star athlete or not?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:48 PM | TrackBack

July 23, 2006

Meme Thievery

Courtesy of Wilson, who got it from some bloke named Jared who is apparently not our Jared. Oddly enough, he is also a Wilson, but not our Wilson. The viral distribution path of memes always confuses the hell out of me. Anyways.

A movie that made you cry

I really don't cry... though if I did, I think Life is Beautiful and The Notebook would have done it.

A movie that scared you

I hate "scary movies" that use the cheap gotcha to make you jump. Yes, I have tightly-wound nerves... but does it really count if I know it's coming and am counting down the moments until I jerk up of no accord of my own? I really can't recall having been scared by a movie... but, there was apparently a documentary on wolves that my parents watched while I was a young child that scared the piss out of me so much that I had recurring nightmares from as early as I can recall until 2nd or 3rd grade. Oddly enough, I can remember nothing of the documentary, just the bizarre dreamscape cubist abstraction of a monochrome black dog with cartoonish black and white eyes. Still kinda creepy.

A movie that made you laugh

The Producers is the most recent favorite... all-time champion probably has to go to punch-drunk laughter courtesy of UHF. In my opinion, the best comedy on my list has to be Blues Brothers, though.

A movie that disgusted you

Wilde. Damn you, Wheeler.

A movie you loved in elementary school

Petes' Dragon... though that was pre-school. I suppose Star Wars would be elementary school. (I've loved that movie since I can remember...)

A movie you loved in middle school

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (this continued on well after middle school)

A movie you loved in high school

I watched so many awful movies in high school... probably 90% of the crappy movies I've seen date to this time. That said, there were some gems, like The Godfather, which probably takes the crown.

A movie you loved in college

Casablanca. I'd seen it once or twice growing up... but I really didn't fall in love with it until college. I first saw Boondock Saints in college... which is probably my favorite non-classic dating from that period.

A movie that challenged your identity or your faith

Casablanca. I think that I can identify a lot with Rick... probably too much. The Bicycle Thief is another one of those tragic realisms that I loved for showing the darker side of reality.

A series that you love

Star Wars, episodes 4, 5, and 6.

Your favorite horror

I pretty much hate horror as a genre... but Hitchcock's psychological thrillers are good stuff... so I guess I'll toss them in here as they're all you're going to get me to watch by way of "horror."

Your favorite science-fiction

The Matrix... already got Star Wars.

Your favorite fantasy

The Lord of the Rings. Harry Potter is a distant second.

Your favorite mystery

Does Twelve Angry Men count?

Your favorite biography

Citizen Kane. Yes, I know, it's not quite a biography... but it works for me.

Your favorite coming-of-age

Gotta go with The Graduate. Partial credit to the Tin Drum... *snickers*

Your favorite not on this list

So many choices. Too many choices. Fiddler on the Roof, I reckon.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:31 PM | TrackBack

July 21, 2006

Bar I Need to Visit

It's a good thing that this bar isn't closer to LeTourneau, or it would be luring students away left and right...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:57 PM | TrackBack

Amusing Pictures

Some fun stuff that I found and decided that you ought to see, in lieu of my actually posting. That said, I hope to do some of that actual writing stuff this weekend.

Note: those contained below the fold might raise objections by people who consider my humor occasionally crass.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:28 PM | TrackBack

July 19, 2006

Throw Down

It's worth the download time. Quite amusing.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:33 PM | TrackBack

June 13, 2006

Up in Arms

Apparently Canadian health officials have been ruining fund-raising picnics hosted by little old ladies lately.

I can even get ordering food destroyed when it violates health code. But throwing away the food and then pouring bleach on it? That's excessive, mean-spirited and just plain wrong. The little old ladies ought to do something about this... like putting lunchmeat, eggs, and bleach on and in some health officials' cars.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:57 PM | TrackBack

June 07, 2006


This link comes to me from a source who declines to be identified. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have corrected it either.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:01 PM | TrackBack

June 01, 2006

Russian Drivers

I'm rather amused at this little gem that a friend sent my way. Apparently this tunnel runs under a river and, in the right conditions, the road freezes. The video above is from cameras in the tunnel taken over the course of one day.

Now, to their credit, the Russians are dealing with some rather inferior Russian cars. That said, I think Longview drivers would be 10x worse than the Russians, even if we gave the Longview drivers American cars. You just can't compensate for stupidity.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:45 AM | TrackBack

May 17, 2006

Good Ol' Arkansas

So what happens to the town's water supply when the mayor goes bad? Apparently, it gets depleted at a discount price to finance the mayor's libido. Or at least that's what happened in Waldron, Arkansas.

It's not quite sex for water, but it's close enough...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:35 AM | TrackBack

May 11, 2006

Soy Cheese?!

I had soy cheese once... and it was foul. Apparently, I'm not the only one who hates the stuff.

"Crap"... yes, that's a good word to describe the stuff. And a family-friendly word too, unlike most of the words I would use for it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:38 AM | TrackBack

May 10, 2006

Blatantly Offensive

Is it bad that I really want the ringtone described here and only because it would offend people? Sadly, the tone seems to have disappeared and by all accounts, was downloaded less than a dozen times. Looks like I'll have to get another "blatantly offensive" ring tone instead.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:54 PM | TrackBack

May 01, 2006

Dream Apartment

I would like to thank Gallagher for his decorating recommendations.

After all of the screaming babies that I've heard of late... I think it's a stellar idea. Sadly, I doubt that my wife will approve.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:03 AM | TrackBack

March 07, 2006

Hooked On a Feeling

Strange. Psychedelic. Straight out of the 80's. Wants to warp your mind. Watch it now. Sent to us courtesy of Wilson.

It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:12 AM | TrackBack

March 03, 2006

Foreign Gaming

This advertisement for GTA:Somalia was just too good to pass up. Yes, I know it's politically incorrect and insensitive... why do you think I'm the one posting it?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:07 AM | TrackBack

February 21, 2006

TP Massacre

Every now and again, I need proof that the human race is continuing on its downward trajectory. Well... "need" is an awfully strong word, but I sometimes want amusement at the expense of humanity... even if there must be carnage to appease me. Franklin Crow has delivered. Now, to be fair... I didn't demand fatalities... but considering that the deceased pulled a gun to resolve his half of the argument, it's probably best that both die. Mmmm.... chlorinating the gene pool. I approve.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:38 PM | TrackBack

February 16, 2006


Thanks to Wheeler and Sharptor for passing along this gem:

I Am A: Lawful Evil Elf Mage Bard

Lawful Evil characters believe that a nice, orderly system of life is perfect for them to abuse for their own advancement. They will work within 'the system' to get the best that they can for themselves.

Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Velsharoon is the Neutral Evil god of necromancy, liches, and undeath. He is also known as the Vaunted, the Archmage of Necromancy, and the Lord of the Forgotten Crypt. His followers practice the necromantic arts, and raise the dead to do their bidding. His symbol is a crowned skull.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:36 PM | TrackBack

February 13, 2006

Identity Crisis

Apparently Napoleon wasn't a striking enough figure for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Belusconi to stick with comparing himself to... so he promoted himself to "the Jesus Christ of politics" on Saturday night. Yes, that's right, Mr. Belusconi, after having decided that only Napoleon had done more for Italy than himself, has moved on to Deity.

Opposition Party member Giuseppe Giulietti's response that “God the Father and the rest of Jesus’ family did not take this very well” is quite amusing... but in the end, I'm just waiting for Belusconi to take up the role of Teddy Roosevelt.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:57 AM | TrackBack

January 12, 2006

The Ultimate Showdown

Have you ever wondered what would happen if every celebrity, action figure, and tv monster got into a giant brawl? I hadn't either, but apparenty Neil Cicieraga and "myfriendscallmebobo" had. Edit: So the direct link to the flash file has been deactivated, but you can still link through the intro page, which can be found here.

While this little film is vastly entertaining, there is a decent bit of cartoon violence and gore, so I would probably recommend that little children not be subjected to it... so nobody go showing it to Melby.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:43 PM | TrackBack

January 10, 2006

Don't Mess with Joe

In light of his many detractors, Joe wandered into my living room this morning, hopped on my computer, and sent me this link.

Not to worry, gentle readers, Joe has assured me that even in light of my angsty wife's attempts at killing him with mouse traps, Joe would never burn my apartment down. That said, Anna's new plots of poisoning him might cause a bit of consternation... hence this link. I'm not saying he'd do anything, but he's at least 10x cleverer than his cousins in New Mexico. Oh... and he'd also like to warn certain Iowans that if they don't stop the jihad on his family, he may have to bring the fight to them as well.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:01 AM | TrackBack

December 13, 2005

Coke News

It would appear that nobody can get enough coke. First off, it appears that Coca-cola has gone and done something intriguing... albeit disgusting: Coke Blak = Coke + Coffee. Sounds nasty to me... but maybe it will be the new stay awake drink of choice.

In other coke news, apparently some people can't even go to work without hitting their coke. Not that I could really blame a sustitute teacher for needing to get high to deal with students... but at the same time, I also can't blame the school district for calling the cops and getting him arrested for getting high while at school... teaching no less. The best part of this to me is that the substitute originally claimed that he was just grinding up his cold pills and snorting them because he couldn't find any water. Pssst... dude, first off, nobody but a druggie even considers grinding up cold pills and snorting them, and second off, the whole line about no water kinda falls flat in a school with all of the freaking water fountains.

And finally, some people want coke so bad, they're willing to hire hit men to get it. The problem arises when said people are so lackluster in their intelligence that they manage to hire an undercover cop as a hit man... to steal what turns out to be a giant block... of CHEESE. Some people are so stupid that they get no coke.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:20 AM | TrackBack

October 21, 2005

Doom: The Movie

Critics are talking about Doom, which, in case you hadn't heard, is a movie adaptation of the hit first-person shooter series from id Software. Here's what some critics have had to say, just in case Ardith was feeling like more sci-fi self-hate:

"The phrase "worse than 'Super Mario Brothers'" should not be tossed around lightly when it comes to feature film adaptations of popular video games, but Andrzej Bartkowiak's "Doom" finds a way to settle to the bottom of the barrel in a genre that very rarely achieves even the lowest level of quality."

"The only downside is that you can't use cheat codes to reach the end of the movie."

"However low your expectations are for the movie take on the videogame Doom, lower them more." "Those who step up to the box office window and request "Doom" will get what they asked for."

"A mostly standard-issue Marine fetish festival and also a regressive role for the Rock. He should never have to drop an F-bomb once, let alone 15 times, to seem tough."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:02 AM | TrackBack

October 03, 2005

New Linkage

I realized the other day that I've neglected linking Rachel's mom to the sidebar. And then I saw Paige's mom comment somewhere, and then I realized that there should clearly be some SC stalking of MoCK going on... so I've gone and linked all of the LU moms I know of (Mom Miller counts due to her being the mother of our adopted sister... who is now also an LU student by proxy) into one section.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:19 PM | TrackBack

August 31, 2005

Looting in Louisianna

You will not believe this. Cops have been seen standing by while stores are looted... and some have even been seen to be doing the looting themselves. Anyone who wants to argue against the basic depravity of human nature need go no further than to examine what happens when situations like this happen. Granted, there are many who lend a hand... but an equal number turn to anarchy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:03 AM | TrackBack

August 30, 2005

What They're Not Telling You

Have you ever wondered about those pesky Linux users? Have you, like me, remained slightly suspicious that Gallagher and Ardith weren't telling you the whole story? Is the "Linux goodness" of which Moore speaks too good to be true? Here are 5 good reasons not to use Linux that the Linux nerds won't ever confess to you.

edit: I forgot to mention that Tom Grimes is also a rank conspirator in the echelons of the Linux cover-up.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:42 AM | TrackBack

August 18, 2005

Odd Happenings

So if you happen to upset your local cable or utilities office, you might want to beware... one of their employees could change your name in their system to something unpleasant by way of payback.

In other news of my deep insights, avoid massive sales. Especially if there are more potential buyers than there are items for sale. Especially if they police presence doesn't appear enough by half to prevent injuries to the crowd of potential buyers. These should be sign enough... but then you might want to consider it an ill omen if people are wielding collapsable chairs and other objects as weapons in the disorganized charge towards the sale desk. Police presence? What police presence?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:51 PM | TrackBack

August 12, 2005

Caught Red-handed

Imagine you've just had a triple-bypass (I know I can't relate, but some can) and you're in recovery. Now imagine you're struggling to maintain a carefully-conceived plan to allow your friends to come and see you but, at the same time, avoid creating a situation where some of your friends who hate each other are caused to interact. Imagine your horror if you failed and you had to deal with all of that whilst you recovered.

Now imagine that those "friends" are your three wives, none of whom may know the other two exist. Then you'd be 59-year-old Melvyn Reed of Kettering, UK.

It should be noted that after being discovered, Reed turned himself in. Can't say as I blame him... the man has 3 angry wives! I'd toss myself in jail to avoid that.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:23 PM | TrackBack

August 10, 2005

Pure Idiocy

This article both makes me laugh and upsets me greatly. The non-technorati among you will read this article and say, "it looks like those students did something really bad!" It is that notion which I wish to dispel.

From what I can tell, these students were all given laptops with a fairly restrictive and invasive form of administrative software on them that disallowed installing programs and monitored their activities. Such software was password-protected... but the password was both obvious and printed on a label placed on the backs of the computers.

Now, just so we don't get any more confusion, it would appear that a couple of the smarter kids used the copies of the monitoring agent that was already installed on their computers, with the passwords printed on the backs of their computers, and used it to monitor the administrators. Yes, that's right, the idiots in administration gave them all of the tools to do this... all it took was the password that was PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THE COMPUTER.

Now, I know they signed a contract to be "good students" and these 13 students broke said contract... but they're middle-school students. It looks to me like a case of wounded pride and bad press for the school where the school is trying to prosecute the "hackers." Come on now... it's like prosecuting kindergardeners for taking lollipops from an open jar that's sitting right in front of them, unguarded. You smack them on the wrist, move the jar, and move on.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:25 AM | TrackBack

August 06, 2005

Urban Cowboy

If you live in India, you too could be a modern urban cowboy. And at 2,000 rupees/cow (only ~$46, but still the average Indian family's monthly income), that's decent money even by American standards... especially if you can round up more than one at once.

Just read the article for more details and remember that the cows have to come in alive... news of mistreating them could cause angry lynch mobs to come after you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:25 PM | TrackBack

August 03, 2005

No Fraternization

The NLRB has taken inanity to all new depths. That's right, your employer can legally prevent you from fraternizing with your co-workers on your own time.

Now, I want to caution you that the above new link is to a website that bears an obvious pro-union bias. That said, I'm pretty sure that any sort of ban of this nature is against the spirit of the First Amendment, even if such protections would only be afforded to employees of the state.

As the article goes on to mention, such bans would obviously become illegal if the aforemention fraternization were to come under the legally protected under the auspices of the National Labor Relations Act's provision for "self-organization, to form, join, or assist labor organizations…and to engage in other concerted activities for the purpose of collective bargaining or other mutual aid or protection..." That said, I must agree with the American Rights at Work article that a good number of employees do not know their rights and would be hesitant to fight their managers and consult a lawyer should such an order to "cease fraternizing" be issued.

To make a long story short, there are a good number of employees who do not enjoy adequate protections against the multi-million dollar corporations for whom they work. If your employer broke the law in its dealings with you, could you afford to bring the legal muscle to bear to get a large company to back down? Do you, individually, have the courage to go to battle all by yourself?

There was a time that I would have argued that the need for unions is in the past... especially as I worked within a union shop. And then I started working for companies where I worked "at will" and quickly realized that there are some employers whose employees need to be protected from them, and that a union may well be the best way to organize that sort of protection.

Now, before anyone goes jumping down my throat and pointing out the traditional problems of corruption, mafia affiliation, and bizarre politics brought on by many unions... trust me, I know. Remember, I was a member of the UFCW-1099, and subsequently the AFL-CIO for two years... not to mention an avid student of mob history and a former resident of New York. But the flip side of the coin is those corporations like Enron and concerns like Arthur-Anderson who are no less corrupt and arguably far more powerful. There's enough corruption to go all the way around... and the weakest party ought to be afforded some small protection. Especially for something as simple as associating with his friends from work.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:26 PM | TrackBack

August 02, 2005

My New Gravatar?


Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:26 PM | TrackBack

Long Absence

Just to make small amends for my long absence, and in prelude to longer posts, I present you with Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men.

"Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men came out in 1973. At 6'5" and 300 pounds, he didn't care if you thought he was a sissy or not."

Pictures courtesy of the blogging oddity known to the internet as Extremecraft.com.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:55 AM | TrackBack

July 12, 2005

Destroyed to Check Authenticity

There was once an American of Iranian extraction named Cyrus Karr. Like many college students whom you may know, Cyrus was an aspiring film-maker. Working as an independant film-maker, Cyrus had acquired some financial backing and was filming an archaelogical documentary on the Persian King, Cyrus the Great. To film for this documentary, Cyrus went to Afghanistan and then to Iraq.

In Iraq, problems developed for Cyrus. You can read about his 50 day stay in the hands of the US Military and the FBI here. You can read how this former member of the Navy had his passport destroyed in testing for authenticity, his house searched, his film destroyed, and his freedom appropriated for 50 days. Oh yeah, and the ACLU has taken up his case. Every conservative in America had better take back one bad thing they've said about the ACLU in return.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:18 PM | TrackBack

July 09, 2005

Warped Media

Because it's been so long, I have some special stuff for you. Not one, but two warped links... and media files at that.

On this first video, I should note that while the man in the video is racist and makes some fairly insensitive and downright idiotic remarks, the actual concept is fairly clever and one that has some merit... even if it is a tad dangerous. All of that aside, I laughed my butt off.

As to this second video, all I can say is that I'm with the officer 100%. In fact, I probably would have been a lot meaner than he was. This is professionalism at its finest. You've gotta respect this sort of police work.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:21 PM | TrackBack

July 02, 2005

Wrongful Eviction?

So this woman in Iowa had her boyfriend try to kill her, and the landlord decided that this was the woman's fault and is evicting her. Among the reasons listed for eviction is being too loud during the attempt on her life. The landlord says that this is all the woman's fault for inviting her boyfriend in, in the first place.

Now, maybe I'm feeling just a tad generous, but if someone has an attempt made on his or her life, you don't evict them. I don't care if he/she is the worst tennant in the world, that's just mean, especially when they're recovering from having been shot six times and jumping off of a balcony to escape a murderer (or would-be murderer.) Beyond bad press, and this had better generate a lot of that, it's just not right. I'm not sure words can even express how not insensitive and simultaneously bad for PR this is.

That said, you know you love it when the article provides a link to the apartment complex website and that website has an email address on it. Can we say, "Send indignant email with a fury!"?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:54 AM | TrackBack

June 28, 2005

Too Good?

I was bumming along this morning getting ready to start my errands when I stumbled upon this gem. That's right, the league manager decided that this 11/12-year-old baseball team was too good and ejected them from the league.

Doesn't that sound a bit over the top for a pre-teen baseball league? At least they got their money back... that's more than some other institutions would have done.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:50 AM | TrackBack

June 17, 2005

Wheeler in 10 Years

You all know that this sort of thing is what happens to History and English majors who have a secret passion for Star Wars:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:45 PM | TrackBack

Sweden's Justice System

Just in case you were feeling like the US Criminal Justice system was too warped to be beaten by any other country's... check this out.

Apparently, it is perfectly legal to sell sex in Sweden... with only one caveat: It is illegal to buy sex in Sweden. I'm not sure how that works out, but it's a pretty sweet deal for the hookers. What really perplexes me is that apparently the only penalty is a fine, and some respected public figures like the judge in this article are even retaining their jobs after the fact. Go figure...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:44 PM | TrackBack

June 16, 2005

Batman Stuff

Having seen Batman Begins last night and finding it satisfactory on the whole, I figured that this link on the workings of the batsuit would appeal especially to Mr. West.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:19 PM | TrackBack

June 13, 2005

By Way of Apology

Because some of you have clearly been missing my presence on the internet, I have seen fit to restore myself to your good graces in an especially poignant way. Namely, I have gone and found the most screwed-up and samely family-friendly link that I have seen in months. It's actually a pair of related links.

First, I want you to read about a Wiccan marriage ceremony known as a "hand-fasting" and not just any hand-fasting at that. Nextly, I want you to read about the particular ceremony that was performed at this wedding, along with a lot of other tid-bits of lore.

...go read before we continue...

Yes, that's right... he marries people to their horses! And not only does he do this casually, he has gone to the lengths of making up an ENTIRE marriage ceremony with which to perform this rite of marriage to one's horse.

The funniest part here to me is in the actual ceremony, where the officiant asks the horse if he/she wants to continue on in the hand-fasting. Presumably, the horse needs to want this as much as the human participant:

The Priest(ess) lays her hand on the mare's mane and whispers : "{BRIDE}. Beside you stands {GROOM}. He has promised before the Horse Goddess and the Horned God to protect and keep you as his partner in love and herdmate. If you so desire this then shall be. If you do not so wish then you may leave him. May Epona carry this words to you and in your heart may you so choose your path." The priest withdraws a step to allow the bride to make her decision. If she stays the ritual continues.

*stammers* I don't really know what else to say...

Catherine the Great, eat your heart out. Crazy limeys.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:11 PM | TrackBack

June 06, 2005

Cheap Cop-Out

Reading through slashdot, this story on drunk drivers caught my eye. Apparently, judges in Seminole County, FL feel that a defendant's right to a fair trial trump the rights of private contractors to their trade secrets. As a result, whenever a defendant has challenged the state with a request for the workings of the breathalyzer, the judge has dismissed the charges.

Now, I must admit that I find the actual dismissals somewhat troubling... especially as I am a big proponent of harsh penalties for the dangerous stupidity of driving while intoxicated. That said, I really agree with the judges on this one. What happens if there are design flaws in this machine? We all know that state beauracracies are much like their federal equivalents in accidentally ignoring large problems for years and failing to look into some very important details while spending years on seemingly unimportant problems. I'm not saying that this is necessarily a reason to toss out all blood intoxication tests, but at the same time, I must always come down on the side that the paramount rights are the rights of the accused... even if this particular implementation does make me slightly uneasy.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:16 AM | TrackBack

May 29, 2005

What a Geek

I can blame the discovery of this little gem on Melby:

Your Geek Profile:

General Geekiness: Highest
Internet Geekiness: Highest
Academic Geekiness: High
Fashion Geekiness: High
Music Geekiness: High
Gamer Geekiness: Moderate
Movie Geekiness: Moderate
SciFi Geekiness: Moderate
Geekiness in Love: None
How Geeky Are You?
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:24 PM | TrackBack

May 27, 2005

Fun Image

In cleaning off my computer, I ran across this picture of some homeless guy and I figured I'd share it with you:

I'd give him whatever change I had in my pocket. Ninjas are scary.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:52 PM | TrackBack

May 25, 2005

Das Keyboard

You only wish you were cool enough for the this high-end keyboard. All I have to say is that only a desperate nerd pays $80 for a keyboard whose best feature is that it has no letters on it. Oh, and the key feedback is specially engineered... nice, but not worth $80.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:16 PM | TrackBack

May 24, 2005

Real World Lightsabers?

What happens when you fill fluorescent light tubes with gasoline and power them? In the short term, you get something very reminiscent of an actual light-saber in terms of the glow. In the longer-term, they explode.

How do I know this? A pair of uber-nerds in Britain found this out for us by experimentation.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:09 PM | TrackBack

April 25, 2005

There We Go

Now that's a pretty list of cities:

American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% New York City
70% Philadelphia
65% Boston
65% Washington, DC
55% Chicago
Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Again, thank the Wench.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:19 PM | TrackBack


I must say I'm slightly bothered that I speak a bit of Dixie-fied English, even if 80% of my dialect is either generically American or Yankee-derived.

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English
35% Yankee
15% Dixie
5% Midwestern
0% Upper Midwestern
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

c/o The Wench

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:15 PM | TrackBack

April 12, 2005

Speaking of Sex

For those of you parents who have had to give the sex ed talk and for those of you who have been on the receiving end of an uncomfortable attempt at sex ed, this comic is for you. I guess it also works for anyone who knew the kid in elementary school who knew far too much about sex. Warning: it's probably PG-13.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:04 AM | TrackBack

April 11, 2005


Being as that marriage is less than 4 weeks away, Anna and I have been reading a book on sex called Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat and his wife Gaye. That's really not the important part, except that the book discussed spermicide (which I think is a horrible word), condoms and sexually transmitted diseases (this is just to name a few things and really doesn't even characterize the book, but I needed these topics to justify my train of thought.) That first topic gave me the title for this post and the second two topics got me thinking about a game that an old friend Kevin Baba had found back when he lived next door to me on 1B.

Armed with a condom gun and stationed inside a... well... where would you be if you were trying to prevent sperm and virii from getting past you? Anyways, Catch the Sperm 2 is an entertaining way to spend 10 minutes and will surely disturb your roommates. It's also an excellent little promotional for condoms, if you're into that sort of thing, produced by the Swedish game developer Phenomedia.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:30 PM | TrackBack

April 10, 2005

"The Rottweiler"

Has anyone else seen a picture of Camilla Parker-Bowles and wondered what Prince Charles was thinking?

Michael Ensman over at MSNBC was wondering the same thing, and when a pundit starts out his article like this, you know it has to be good:

Just about everything I know about British culture I learned from watching “Monty Python’s Flying Circus.” I could go on and on about my favorite sketches, but the one common thread I noticed in them was how often all the comic gentlemen were dressed in drag.

I believe at some point all the Python guys — John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Graham Chapman, Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam — donned women’s clothing. Needless to say, they looked silly and preposterous. But over the years, I began to think that all British women were really men. I know it’s wrong. I know there are many real women like Kate Winslet and Keira Knightley who easily dispel that notion with their breathtaking beauty. Some perceptions die hard.

Ensman just gets better and better as he goes on, until he really gets loose and rips into Charles for going after Parker-Bowles:

On Saturday, a civil ceremony at Windsor Town Hall lasting approximately 30 minutes — in front of just 30 guests — united the couple, and a service of prayer and dedication followed at St. George’s Chapel. During the latter, Charles and Camilla acknowledged their “sins and wickedness” in front of the Archbishop of Canterbury. This will take place because Charles committed adultery with Camilla while he was still married to Diana.

This made me recall another member of the Python troupe, Carol Cleveland, a real woman who was a former Playboy bunny. Charles committing adultery with Camilla was akin to Cleese tossing aside the buxom Cleveland and making a play for Gilliam dressed in a wig, bonnet and paisley dress. If I were Charles, I would want to atone for that, too.

Go read it yourself. I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:23 PM | TrackBack

April 09, 2005

Town Drunk

Do you think your town has a crazy drunk? You've obviously never heard of Henry Earl of Lexington, Kentucky. That's right, Henry Earl is the world-wide champion drunk with 803 arrests for public drunkenness. He has some fan sites and even a song named after him. To see if Henry Earl is currently incarcerated and to get some stats and random mugshots, click here.

I had forgotten how much worse Kentucky is than anywhere else in the U.S.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:49 AM | TrackBack

April 06, 2005

We Report, You Survive

Everyone should thank Wilson for linking me to this wonderful article on the Onion. The only thing here that really surprises me is that FoxNews or some Fox affiliate hasn't already come up with a counter-terrorism van.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:45 PM | TrackBack

April 02, 2005

I Knew It!

I had always suspected that something like this was going on. I'm on to you now, wenches!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:36 PM | TrackBack

March 26, 2005

Christians vs. Christianity

Normally I recommend the webcomic Something Positive as a warped window into some of the geek circles that I run in. Sometimes it's frightfully accurate, many times it describes people I know, it's always funny and usually warped.

Every now and again Randy Milholland (the strip's creator) hits on something very serious and important. Sometimes he's even nice enough not to be too crass while hitting serious points. Such is the case with his current Easter story-line.

The comics in question will be linked in sequential order below with ratings next to them with reasons for my gentler readers. I would strongly recommend anyone but my youngest audience reading these comics and seriously considering their implication and the impact that such stuff has on the secular world around us. To the best of my knowledge, Milholland is a cynical agnostic... just bear that in mind as you read.

Storyline Hook (PG for mild language and sacrilege)
Actual Beginning (G for mild sacrilege)
Church Business Debate (G for mild sacrilege)
Introspective Discussion (PG for mild language)
Meeting at Augusta's House (PG-13 for gore and sexual concept)
Rally at the Front Porch (G)
Confrontation (G for mild sacrilege)
Disillusioned Mother (G)

In short, if you are a Christian and you think you can get past the words to get to the message, I REALLY recommend that you read these comics. However, if you're going to get so hung up on the wording and the vehicle that you'll miss the very important message being presented in by an agnostic to a secular audience, don't go.

Well... that's more or less all I can do to try and broaden your horizons and protect you at the same time.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:25 PM | TrackBack

March 24, 2005

Compulsive Snoozer?

Do you have problems waking up in the morning. Do you overuse the snooze? Does your unconcious brain make choices for the rest of you?

Clocky the mobile alarm clock will help!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:51 PM | TrackBack

March 18, 2005

Everything I Wish I Knew

Anyone with children who are heading anywhere near towards college needs to sit them down and read this article to them before they start school and then have them read it about once a year once they learn to read.

In case there were any doubters, read this paragraph as a metric of the quality contained therein:

It's dangerous to design your life around getting into college, because the people you have to impress to get into college are not a very discerning audience. At most colleges, it's not the professors who decide whether you get in, but admissions officers, and they are nowhere near as smart. They're the NCOs of the intellectual world. They can't tell how smart you are. The mere existence of prep schools is proof of that.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:59 PM | TrackBack

March 17, 2005

Stew Toby!

Extortion to avoid rabbit stew? Screw toby... stew toby!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:06 AM | TrackBack

March 09, 2005

More Comics

You will note that I have finally gotten around to putting up links to some more awesome online comics... which is good because then I remember to read them.

That said, my personal favorite of the new additions is the weekly comic Pet Professional, a comic about a hit man who only takes out hits on animals. Pretty sweet... and though it only updates once per week, it's reliable and regular.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:53 PM | TrackBack

March 06, 2005

Dynamic Duo

Amazing Super-heroes: Spider-Man and Jesus. Didn't you know they were homies? For a good time and great heresy, check this comic out.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:27 AM | TrackBack

March 01, 2005

Ice Cave Reference!

Apparently, the Light Warriors are now trapped in the Ice Cave. Maybe they've been trapped there all along. Now, we come to an interesting question:

Which Ice Cave resident is Fighter?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:30 PM | TrackBack

February 21, 2005

Old Floormate

Once upon a time, Toad and I had a floormate whose personal hygiene and social skills degenerated to the point that he was being outdone by braindead vegetables. It didn't start out that way, but through a steady stream of MMORPG abuse, he ceased showering and disposing of trash such that his room smelled like an open sewage pit and we took to closing his door for him so the smell would diminish. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've just found Gary!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:45 PM | TrackBack

Ready-Made Insanity Plea

I would like to thank Tim for sending me this link to my favorite news story to date of the year.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:37 PM | TrackBack

February 17, 2005

Another Good Quiz

Jared passed this one along to me. I'm always amused and pleased when a quiz comes out with really accurate results like this one did.

Which Mix of the Hogwarts Houses are You?

You're a Slytherdor! You are a natural leader and have the personality
to back it up. Often people are hesitant to approach you because they
feel that you will reject them. You have a bit of a temper but most of
the time you're able to keep it in check; however when you are really
pissed off, people better watch out. In your life you have a lot of
things you want to accomplish, whether it's for yourself or another
cause. You can be determined in trying to pursue this goal but your
morals are too steady to allow you to be absolutely ruthless. You don't
let many people know this, but you actually like the idea of chivalry
(but you try to keep this buried) and you try to live your life with
honor. You don't back away from tough decisions. Your weakness is
that sometimes you can be arrogant, you forget about the 'lesser
people' and this leads you to underestimate your opponents. With the
charisma of a Gryffindor and the ambition of a Slytherin you can be
great in life!

brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:15 AM | TrackBack

February 13, 2005

Angry Public

Do you know what happens when you screw over a bunch of teenaged girls who are trying to do a good deed? Turns out, I'm not the only one who was outraged after reading about this nonsense. Check out this article about the outpouring of angst towards crazy old Wanita Young and the radio station that raised the money to pay for the lawsuit. I know this could be a nasty case of vigilante justice, but I can't help but be proud of the public for hating on Mrs. Young... especially after she keeps proving how stupid and obnoxious she is with her public comments.

Here's a quote that indicates just how clueless the hateful Young family is:

"It's horrible, nobody has heard our side," said Herb Young, adding the couple has had to hire a lawyer. "I don't believe the girls meant for this to happen. But they could have prevented it from happening if they had just shut their mouths when they came out of (small claims) court. Now they are caught in something they can't control."

The public hates her... go figure.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:51 PM | TrackBack

February 12, 2005

Women In Space?

Russia says no.

"Nowadays we keep our women here on earth. We love our women very much; we spare them as much as possible. However, in the future, they will surely work on board space stations, but as specialists — as doctors, as geologists, as astronomers and, of course, as stewardesses." — Andrian Nikolayev, Russian Cosmonaut
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:33 PM | TrackBack

February 09, 2005

Baggy Pants Illegal?

Virginia's legislators must be running out of intelligent laws to enact and important problems to solve, because in their attempts to pad their hours in session, they felt the need to pass this nonsense.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:24 PM | TrackBack

February 01, 2005

Turbotax Returns

Ever wonder what would happen if a company printed a phone sex hot-line as their 800 number. Intuit (the makers of Turbotax) found out the hard way.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:24 PM | TrackBack

January 30, 2005

Europeans Gone Wild

This policy is enough to offend even my humble sensibilities (thanks, Wilson.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:13 PM | TrackBack

January 29, 2005

Napoleon Dynamite

For those of you unfortunate enough to be familiar with Napoleon Dynamite, this should amuse you. (family friendly)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:32 PM | TrackBack

January 28, 2005

Are You Owed Real DVD's?

If you've bought MGM Widescreen DVD's in the last couple of years, you may be entitled to an upgrade or a refund. Be sure to check this website before March 31 and submit a claim if you are eligible.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:38 PM | TrackBack

January 26, 2005

Statistical Entertainment

There are lots of fun little statistics and conclusions on teen sexuality in this article, including gems like this:

Teens with a Catholic parent (72%) are more likely to not have had sex because they are worried what their parents will think than those with a Protestant parent (63%) or another religious background (57%).

Those whose parents are better educated are more likely to say they have not had intercourse because of their religious or moral beliefs and less likely to say they have not out of a fear of catching an STD.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:48 PM | TrackBack

Come Join Us!

Ardith and Gallagher, come become contributing members of the Windows community without leaving Linux behind. All you need is a copy of Wine and this little tutorial as your guide.

note: the above link should be amusing to just about everyone, but should be especially applicable to any Linux users in the house. That said, I should not be construed as condoning the intentional or unintentional use of or spreading of virii... please consult the webpage owner for more details... FDIC, FAA, FDA, and FTC approved... please talk to your doctor to see if Linux is right for you...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:16 PM | TrackBack

January 19, 2005

Tsunami Aid

Attention slackers:

Anders Jacobsen has is calling out the blogging community and offering to toss $1 to the Red Cross for every blogger who puts up on their site the list that I've included below. Also, Eliot Landrum is matching Anders' contribution... so copy the source below and help donate $2 (in addition to any of your own money that you give to those sites.)

The following is a list of organizations who are currently helping out in the affected areas:

International aid organizations:

UNICEF (United Nations Children’s Fund)

United Nations’ World Food Programme

Medecins Sans Frontieres / Doctors without Borders (donate!)
CARE International
The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies

Disasters Emergency Comittee (DEC) - comprises a raft of aid agencies, including the below and others

British Red Cross
Save the Children UK

North America:
American Red Cross
Canadian Red Cross
Save The Children
Oxfam America

Anders Jacobsen: Webloggers: Give to tsunami victims and I’ll give too!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:33 PM | TrackBack

January 08, 2005

Cheerleader Toss

If you love the thought of sadistically throwing cheerleaders at basketball hoops and out of windows, this site is for you. This warped link is rated PG for use of the words "underwear" and "dweeb."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:56 PM | TrackBack

January 06, 2005

Back in Texas

As I happily sit in my chair in the Ice Cave (which feels a tad too thawed), I am proud to be reading about Cheese Racing. You should enjoy it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:58 PM | TrackBack

January 05, 2005

Something to Ponder

While you're waiting for some of my really substantive posts to be finished and polished (I have two in the works), read this entertaining Christmas pondering:

Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

I. There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Jehovah's Witnesses, or Buddist religions, this reduces the workload on Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with at least one good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, jump out, go down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump in the sleigh, and move on to the next house. (That's why it's really pointless to stay up and wait for him....)

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom breaks. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For the purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 75.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child has nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull nothing more than 300 pounds. Even granted that "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or nine of them; Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the sleigh itself, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizibeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance; this would heat up the reindeer in the same fasion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and causing deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.2 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which seem ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pound of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:52 PM | TrackBack

January 04, 2005

Laptop with Cheese

I've gone and found the ideal laptop carrying case for someone who thinks that a pizza is less likely to get stolen than a laptop. Obviously, this would be a bad idea at LeTourneau... though I could see Moore carrying his laptop in the PowerPizza case just for good measure.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:39 AM | TrackBack

January 03, 2005

Got Rights?

You know, whenever I start reading about our new policies for dealing with accused terrorists, it starts to give me the willies. Namely, it would appear that the Pentagon and the feds are developing a policy of lifetime detention for accused terrorists and captured "non-lawful combatants."

Bear in mind that this is only rumor from an unconfirmed news source, but Reuters is confident enough in that to publish the linked article... *shudders*

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:44 PM | TrackBack

December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:49 PM | TrackBack

Christmas Shenanigans

For those of you who are tired of bumming with family and/or people who annoy you to death (the two groups tend not to be mutually exclusive):

Go download Jardinains! It's like Breakout... only with gnomes to pick on. What's not to love?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:21 PM | TrackBack

December 15, 2004


Finals week is upon my brain...




Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:15 AM | TrackBack

December 14, 2004

Cultural Christianity

Dunny found this excellent rant on Cultural Christianity. You should check it out.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:26 PM | TrackBack

December 07, 2004

Magical Trevor

Thank Scott for this family-friendly (even for small children) link to Magical Trevor.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:18 PM | TrackBack

December 06, 2004


Thank Melby for this:

(note: all of my answers apply to people at school or with affiliation with the SC)

You've Known the longest: Ardith (she and I met at Heritage Weekend, sitting in Shreveport airport)
You've known the shortest: Fleetman
You love the most: God (Anna is the human I love the most)
The one thats most special: duh
You can tell anything to: Ice Cavers and Anna
Lives farthest away: Ma Hoyt
Lives closest: Ice Cavers, duh
Weirdest: Dr. Solganick
Funniest: Murray
Most Shy: toss-up: Ardith and Bryan
Quietest: Bryan
Smartest: clearly Murray
Coolest: the ever-popular Ardith
Biggest Flirt: Rachel
Sweetest: BAH!!
Cutiest: Ma Hoyt
Tallest: Bryan
Shortest: duh! (Melby is runner-up) (note that Murray is taller than Melby and Ardith)
Most outgoing: Moore
Most hyper: Rachel
Most friendly: Sharpton
Most caring: Anna (Paige wants to be caring)
Most annoying: *pleads the 5th*
Most irritating: Me
Most TRULY unique: Uncle Doug (and Murray, of course)
Most kissable: ;-)
Most confusing: Sharon (slow down, Sharon)
Most confused: Rachel
Most adorable: Ardith (in a dress)
Most crazy: Caleb Mayes
Always there for you: the Ice Cave
Always makes you laugh: FREUD!!
Always has something clever to say: The Punny Man (Martinez)
Always makes you really think: The Denizens of the Fuzzy Studies Offices
Always brightens your day: Female with Food (Anna and Paige)
Most likely to be on tv? Scott
Most likely to end up flipping burgers: Wheeler and Barbour
The ones you would like to see in person: Ma Hoyt
The one who's never been single: Paige
The one who's always single: Uncle Doug
First to get married: *coughs nervously*
The one you'd be dating if it wasn't for the boyfriend/girlfriend
(do I look that stupid to you?)
The player: Sharptiano
The heartbreaker: Murray (all the girls want to jump his bones, but none of them can)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:37 AM | TrackBack

November 30, 2004

No College Student Left Behind?

Here's something new from the "Government refuses to leave us alone" file. It would appear that we need a national database of college students to "improve national college statistics."

The feds want to collect the following:name, address, birth date, gender, race, and Social Security number, field of study, credits, tuition paid, and financial aid received. It would also keep tabs on transfers and students who drop out and re-enroll at a later date.

That's all we need: the federal transcript database. Memo to Big Brother: stay the hell out of my college transcript.

I wonder if "Drop D's and F's" applies to the government database as well?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:58 PM | TrackBack

November 28, 2004

Nigerian Mafia?

Who knew? (though to be fair, it looks less like a mafia and more like an organized spamming and e-mail scamming racket)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:43 PM | TrackBack

November 26, 2004

13-Year Old Kidnapper

This news story is just jacked up. A 13-year old kid in Virginia abducted a stripper. What the crap?!?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:02 PM | TrackBack

November 22, 2004

Artest is Sorry

After jumping into the stands to brawl with fans, Ron Artest is sorry. What's even better is his quote:

Meanwhile, Artest is promoting his record label, Truwarier, and said that with his other career endeavors he was trying to make his life more positive.

"Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do," he said.

"I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize."

Wow... that's lame. If your best claim to being a good person is dropping in an unrelated, "I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize," you lose.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:10 PM | TrackBack


Which Biological Molecule Are You?

You are an enzyme. You are powerful, dark,
variable, and can change many things at your
whim...even when they're not supposed to be
changed. Bad you. You can be dangerous or
wonderful; it's your choice.

brought to you by Quizilla (thanks Sharptiano)


Cynic: Hey look! I'm an enzyme (goes on to read enzyme aloud...)
Wheeler: Yeah, you and Paige and Scott...
Cynic: Fitting company!
Wheeler: Yeah, go figure...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:50 AM | TrackBack

November 21, 2004

Llama Song

Courtesy of Scott and Fleetman, I bring you the first warped link (oddly: clean and family-friendly) in quite a while.

Check out the wholesome goodness of The Llama Song.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:35 PM | TrackBack

November 20, 2004

Syphilis at LeTourneau

I hate to brag, but you all wish you were cool enough to write an article about LeTourneau that manages to mention syphilis in conjunction with LeTourneau in the second sentence. It should be noted that the aforementioned article is not solely my work, but is part of a community production at Wikkipedia. That said, the vast majority (including the syphilis reference) is.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:51 PM | TrackBack

November 16, 2004


As I was lazing around in the labs this evening, I went web-searching. Out of idle curiousity, I fould LeTourneau's Wikipedia Entry and found it wanting. Thus piqued, I altered the otherwise bland entry to include that sexy sidebar that you see containted within.

Now, I know that between the lot of you, there are a couple who are capable of writing and organization such that you could overhaul this humble entry into something truly informative. Beyond that, there is also the simple matter that I want more controversial matter included there. And yes, failing everyone else's contributions, I guess I'll do it myself.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:38 PM | TrackBack

Thoughts on Theft

I've always had friends with rather unique views on property ownership, but I think Silk takes the cake:

Silk walked mournfully around the barge. "It's mine, all right," he sighed.
"You keep well-equipped barges, Silk," Durnik said, carefully measuring a board.
"This one had everything I need right in the bow—nails, a barrel of tar, and even a fairly good saw. We'll have it afloat before morning."
"I'm glad you approve," Silk said sourly. He made a wry face. "This is unnatural," he complained.
"What's the problem, Kheldar?" Velvet asked him.
"Usually, when I want a boat, I steal one. Using one of my own seems immoral somehow."
Pulled from David Eddings' Sorceress of Darshiva.
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:47 PM | TrackBack

November 08, 2004

CBS Hates Bloggers

In case you were wondering whether CBS was still bitter about having their cover blown by the blogging community, check this article out. It seems that CBS' assertion is that the blogging public took the exit poll information and misinterpreted it where it didn't outright fabricate data. The Wall Street Journal has a much different perspective, and one that I think is much closer to an intelligent response to the election day exit poll mayhem.

Granted, I will allow that the blogging community is hardly professional as a while... and I'm not going to begin to assert that Slate is anything other than a bunch of opinionated liberal hacks attempting to make money for Microsoft by spouting whatever nonsense will sell... but I think the article in general sells the blogging community short in an attempt to cast aspersions on the credibility of any non-commercial news source. Scratch that, any news source not of the venerable cadre of hardcopy print media and airwaves/cable syndicates.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:46 PM | TrackBack

November 06, 2004

High Mach

The Machiavelli personality test has a range of 0 - 100
Your Machiavelli score is: 94
You are a high Mach, you endorse Machiavelli's opinions.
Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but there's a significant minority at either extreme.

Go take the Machiavelli survey!

This survey itself measures only one thing -- whether you subscribe to the ideas of a 16th century Italian political philosopher. But experiments have shown that reactions to Machiavelli act as a kind of litmus test, delineating differences in temperament that can be confirmed with more traditional personality inventories. High Machs constitute a distinct type: charming, confident and glib, but also arrogant, calculating and cynical, prone to manipulate and exploit. (Think Rupert Murdoch, or if your politics permit it, President Clinton.)

True low Machs, however, can be kind of dependent, submissive and socially inept. So be sure to invite a high Mach or two to your next dinner party.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:02 PM | TrackBack

November 03, 2004

Halloween Costume

Wouldn't you like to dress up as an iPod for Halloween?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:07 PM | TrackBack


My Results from the Free Global Personality Test:

Global Personality Test Results
Stability (82%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness (11%) very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion (60%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

personality tests by similarminds.com

Oh... and here's the accompanying list of traits attributed to me:

messy, tough, disorganized, fearless, not rule conscious, likes the unknown, rarely worries, rash, attracted to the counter culture, rarely irritated, positive, resilient, abstract, not a perfectionist, risk taker, strange, weird, self reliant, leisurely, dangerous, anti-authority, trusting, optimistic, positive, thrill seeker, likes bizarre things, sarcastic

Obviously, this stuff is flawed as resulting from a rather short quiz. That said, I am impressed that it did manage to hit a decent number of points rather accurately... even if it did call me positive and an optimist.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:50 PM | TrackBack

Program Funerals

What if we held funerals for old programs when they died and buried a copy of the source code? How much fun would that be? I want to see the Microsoft burial plot and a wake for each successive Windows version that is killed and buried. It would make for an interesting work environment if nothing else...

Any other programmers out there besides me who want to hold a funeral for their old code and bury it? What about holding a source code wake?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:35 PM | TrackBack

November 01, 2004

Cobra Commander '04

Wouldn't you vote Cobra Commander? (family-friendly flash cartoon)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:40 PM | TrackBack

Joshua Abraham Norton

Which Historical Lunatic are You?

I'm Joshua Abraham Norton, the first and only Emperor of the United States of America!

Born in England sometime in the second decade of the nineteenth century, you carved a notable business career, in South Africa and later San Francisco, until an entry into the rice market wiped out your fortune in 1854. After this, you became quite different. The first sign of this came on September 17, 1859, when you expressed your dissatisfaction with the political situation in America by declaring yourself Norton I, Emperor of the USA. You remained as such, unchallenged, for twenty-one years.

Within a month you had decreed the dissolution of Congress. When this was largely ignored, you summoned all interested parties to discuss the matter in a music hall, and then summoned the army to quell the rebellious leaders in Washington. This did not work. Magnanimously, you decreed (eventually) that Congress could remain for the time being. However, you disbanded both major political parties in 1869, as well as instituting a fine of $25 for using the abominable nickname "Frisco" for your home city.

Your days consisted of parading around your domain - the San Francisco streets - in a uniform of royal blue with gold epaulettes. This was set off by a beaver hat and umbrella. You dispensed philosophy and inspected the state of sidewalks and the police with equal aplomb. You were a great ally of the maligned Chinese of the city, and once dispersed a riot by standing between the Chinese and their would-be assailants and reciting the Lord's Prayer quietly, head bowed.

Once arrested, you were swiftly pardoned by the Police Chief with all apologies, after which all policemen were ordered to salute you on the street. Your renown grew. Proprietors of respectable establishments fixed brass plaques to their walls proclaiming your patronage; musical and theatrical performances invariably reserved seats for you and your two dogs. (As an aside, you were a good friend of Mark Twain, who wrote an epitaph for one of your faithful hounds, Bummer.) The Census of 1870 listed your occupation as "Emperor".

The Board of Supervisors of San Francisco, upon noticing the slightly delapidated state of your attire, replaced it at their own expense. You responded graciously by granting a patent of nobility to each member. Your death, collapsing on the street on January 8, 1880, made front page news under the headline "Le Roi est Mort". Aside from what you had on your person, your possessions amounted to a single sovereign, a collection of walking sticks, an old sabre, your correspondence with Queen Victoria and 1,098,235 shares of stock in a worthless gold mine. Your funeral cortege was of 30,000 people and over two miles long.

The burial was marked by a total eclipse of the sun.

From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey. (thanks for the link, Wilson)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:28 PM | TrackBack

October 31, 2004

Amusing Quip

Remembering that I endorse neither candidate, I found this joke amusing:

John Kerry visits a primary school classroom. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks Mr. Kerry if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious

Senator asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him that would be a 'tragedy'." "No," says Kerry, "that would be an

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. Kerry. "That's what we would call a 'great loss'."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. Kerry searches the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a 'tragedy'?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice, he says: "If your campaign plane, carrying you, Mr. Kerry, were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a 'tragedy'." "Fantastic!" exclaims Kerry. "That's right. And can you tell
me why that would be a 'tragedy'?"

"Well," says the boy "because it certainly wouldn't be a 'great loss' and it probably wouldn't be an accident' either."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:57 PM | TrackBack

October 30, 2004

Pregnant Women

Last night there was a conversation in the Ice Cave regarding my being scared of pregnant women, their inherant instability, and the likelihood that they would take their wrath out on me. I had relatively few supporters, many perplexed onlookers, and even a couple of nay-sayers. This comic is kind of illustrative of the point I was driving at... kind of.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:10 AM | TrackBack

October 24, 2004

October 20, 2004

LiveJournal Fun

So yeah... Melby and Paige have been deserving of links for quite some time... but I haven't decided whether or not to sidebar them or hold out in the hopes that they get real blogs as opposed the the teenybopper LJ nonsense that they're both involved in now.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:21 PM | TrackBack

October 16, 2004

Idea Theft

There once was a man who went to a computer trade show. Each day as
he entered, the man told the guard at the door:
"I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting. Be
forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape unplundered."
This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions
of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully.
But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself.
When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes,
but nothing was to be found.
On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the
guard saying: "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will be even
better." So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail.
On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his
curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live
in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are stealing?"
The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said.

-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:33 PM | TrackBack

October 13, 2004

At A Loss For Words

I think this cartoon pretty much sums up my views on what to do when I run out of obnoxious things to say.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:18 PM | TrackBack

October 11, 2004

17th Century Spaceflight

Apparently Oliver Cromwell's cousin had this great idea to build a "space chariot" using gunpowder, springs and wings. Sadly, it never took off.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:53 PM | TrackBack

October 07, 2004

Got Free Speech?

Aren't you glad you're not in France? I just find it mildly ironic that the French have the audacity to look down on America where we have protected freedom of religious expression and a criminal law system that assumes you are innocent until proven guilty.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:09 PM | TrackBack

September 29, 2004

About Time

It looks like some of the Patriot Act is finally invalidated. Turns out that some judges think that judicial oversight is a good thing and circumventing it in law enforcement defies the Constitutional checks and balances. Every now and again, I appreciate the ACLU a little bit... and today is one of those days.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:30 PM | TrackBack

September 26, 2004

Got Ring Tone?

You can thank Wheeler for forwarding me the link to this gem of a story. It's like the pills only cheaper. Only in Japan...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:34 AM | TrackBack

September 23, 2004

Blame the Fed

Even if you get a free car, the government will stick it to you for taxes on that free car. Just ask these winners. You've gotta love the U.S. tax scheme...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:33 PM | TrackBack

September 22, 2004

I Need One

I've been saying for a long time that if someone could get the FCC to approve signal-jamming equipment for cell phones in specific areas, life would be good. I doubt they will, but that's not such a problem in situations like this. You know... maybe I'll just get one anyways if I ever own a restaurant.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:21 PM | TrackBack

September 21, 2004

Panty Raiders

Kind of an old concept in reverse. Instead of sneaking in and running off with unmentionables, these people are apparently sneaking in with unmentionables. Safe for work and even family-friendly.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:21 PM | TrackBack

September 19, 2004

Talk Like A Pirate!

Yarr! It do be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And in the honor o' that day, we do be talkin' like pirates all day long in these here parts. So git yer sorry land-lubber self over to the official blog an' hoist a grog back for me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:36 PM | TrackBack

September 13, 2004


Courtesy of Randy and Something Positive, I have been meaning to link to this parents' guide on Etiquette for dealing with those who lack children.

Before you ask, no I don't hate children nearly that much. I do, however, hate misbehaved children and the parents who don't care for them properly.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:31 AM | TrackBack

August 28, 2004

Real Estate Porn

This warped link features animals copulating. View at your own discretion... but it's easily work-safe. Quite entertaining.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:24 PM | TrackBack

P FN without DEF, 0:1

"My ritual differs slightly. What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I hop into the shower stall. Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off of while he showers. Then I hop right back into the stall because our dog, Earnest, who has been alone in the basement all night building up powerful dog emotions, has come bounding and quivering into the bathroom and wants to greet me with 60 or 70 thousand playful nips, any one of which -- bear in mind that I am naked and, without my contact lenses, essentially blind -- could result in the kind of injury where you have to learn a whole new part if you want to sing the "Messiah," if you get my drift. Then I hop right back out, because Robert, with that uncanny sixth sense some children have -- you cannot teach it; they either have it or they don't -- has chosen exactly that moment to flush one of the toilets. Perhaps several of them."
-- Dave Barry

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
-- Lord Thomas Rober Dewar

Serfs up!
-- Spartacus

Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
-- Walt Kelly

Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom. The price
of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute. Personally, I'd
rather pay for my freedom than live in a bitmapped, pop-up-happy dungeon
like NT.
-- Thomas Scoville, Performance Computing

Billy: Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from generation to generation?
Mom: Yes?
Billy: Well, this generation dropped it.

love, v.: I'll let you play with my life if you'll let me play with yours.

Why are programmers non-productive? Because their time is wasted in meetings.

Why are programmers rebellious?
Because the management interferes too much.

Why are the programmers resigning one by one?
Because they are burnt out.

Having worked for poor management, they no longer value their jobs.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

deedle deedle dee, la dee da da, I'm a tea pot and you're not!
My BF says I have a lovely bunch of coconuts...
lol, sorry guys, my gf grabbed the keyboard while i went upstairs
uh huh
a likely story
does your gf know you have a bf?
because, you know, the rest of us seem to

I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes on the same day.
-- Unknown

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had
a complete set.
-- Ring Lardner

Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing: August. The lift lines are the shortest, though.
-- Steve Rubenstein

Without a goal, a life is nothing. Sometimes the goal becomes a man's entire
life, an all-consuming passion. But once that goal is achieved, what then?
Oh, poor man, what then?
-- LADY HELENA ATREIDES, her personal journals

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

Have you ever felt like a wounded cow
halfway between an oven and a pasture?
walking in a trance toward a pregnant
seventeen-year-old housewife's two-day-old cookbook?
-- Richard Brautigan

P FN without DEF, 0:1

You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182

Fry: Hey, I'm startin' to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded. The
count's three blerns and two anti-blerns, and the
infield blern rule is in effect. Right?
Leela: Other than the word blern, that was complete gibberish.

The garden is in mourning; The rain falls cool among the flowers. Summer shivers quietly On its way towards its end.

Golden leaf after leaf
Falls from the tall acacia.
Summer smiles, astonished, feeble,
In this dying dream of a garden.

For a long while, yet, in the roses,
She will linger on, yearning for peace,
And slowly
Close her weary eyes.
-- Hermann Hesse, "September"

FORTRAN rots the brain.
-- John McQuillin

If you want to see card tricks, you have to expect to take cards.
-- Harry Blackstone

A world is supported by four things: the teaming of the wise, the justice of the great, the prayers of the righteous, and the valor of the brave.
But all of these are as nothing without a ruler who knows the art of ruling.
-- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Galactic Leadership

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums.
It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish.
You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.
-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a 4BSD?
My friends all got sources, so why can't I see?
Come all you moby hackers, come sing it out with me:
To hell with the lawyers from AT&T!

It is said that the Duke Leto blinded himself to the perils of Arrakis, that he
walked heedlessly into the pit. Would it not be more likely to suggest he had
lived so long in the presence of extreme danger he misjudged a change in its
intensity? Or is it possible he deliberately sacrificed himself that his son
might find a better life? All evidence indicates the Duke was a man not easily
-- from "Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:24 PM | TrackBack

August 24, 2004

Free Content Strikes Again

For those of you who aren't sick of the amusing things that comment-spammers leave me:

Mr. DePree also expects a "tremendous social change" in all workplaces. "When
I first started working 40 years ago, a factory supervisor was focused on the
product. Today it is drastically different, because of the social milieu.
It isn't unusual for a worker to arrive on his shift and have some family
problem that he doesn't know how to resolve. The example I like to use is a
guy who comes in and says 'this isn't going to be a good day for me, my son
is in jail on a drunk-driving charge and I don't know how to raise bail.'
What that means is that if the supervisor wants productivity, he has to know
how to raise bail."
-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc.
"Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity"
The Wall Street Journal: May 3, 1988

The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
-- George Gobel

My dear People.
My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers,
Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good Sackville Bagginses that I welcome back at last to Bag End. Today is my
one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today!"
-- J. R. R. Tolkien

Udall's Fourth Law:
Any change or reform you make is going to have consequences you don't like.

Upon the hearth the fire is red, Beneath the roof there is a bed; But not yet weary are our feet, Still round the corner we may meet A sudden tree or standing stone That none have seen but we alone. Tree and flower and leaf and grass, Let them pass! Let them pass! Hill and water under sky, Pass them by! Pass them by!

Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We'll wander back to home and bed.
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade!
Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,
And then to bed! And then to bed!

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though we pass them by today
Tomorrow we may come this way
And take the hidden paths that run
Towards the Moon or to the Sun,

Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe,
Let them go! Let them go!
Sand and stone and pool and dell,
Fare you well! Fare you well!
-- J. R. R. Tolkien

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
-- Dorothy Parker

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
-- Henry Van Dyke

There are places I'll remember All my life though some have changed. Some forever not for better Some have gone and some remain. All these places had their moments With lovers and friends I still recall. Some are dead and some are living, In my life I've loved them all.

But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compared with you,
All these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I'll love you more.
-- Lennon/McCartney, "In My Life", 1965

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:37 AM | TrackBack

August 22, 2004

You're In Control

I would like to thank eliot for providing the link to this family-friendly warped link. Male gamers, rejoice!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:30 AM | TrackBack

August 20, 2004

Why I Hated High School CS

The lady who tried to teach me C++ had this posted on the website for the BASIC class:

All programming work must be done in the classroom. We will be doing BASIC programming this 9 weeks. You can download TRUEBASIC but it works for only 15 minutes and thenyou have to download again. This is actually helpful for students.

Pure genius...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:59 PM | TrackBack

August 16, 2004

Cut-Rate Content

Content provided by comment spammers:

Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2% and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.
-- Homer Simpson
You Only Move Twice

An OS/2 professional visits a seminar for Windows 95. During the practice lesson Bill Gates asks him: "What do you like about Windows 95?" He answers, "That YOU have to use it."

"A word to the wise: a credentials dicksize war is usually a bad idea on the net."
(David Parsons in c.o.l.development.system, about coding in C.)

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely
-- Calvin

My life needs a rewind/erase button.
-- Calvin

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

BOFH Excuse #270:
Someone has messed up the kernel pointers

If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.

People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.

Nothing lasts forever.
Where do I find nothing?

Take me drunk, I'm home again!

Cold be hand and heart and bone,
and cold be sleep under stone;
never more to wake on stony bed,
never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead.

In the black wind the stars shall die,
and still on gold here let them lie,
till the dark lord lifts his hand
over dead sea and withered land.

-- J. R. R. Tolkien

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:24 PM | TrackBack

August 13, 2004

Entertaining Links

After surfing around for a while, I've decided that my current link selection is inadequate and will be adding the following:

Out Ioway - Ardith's parents are now blogging (actually, just her mom has posted as of now) and are entertaining me to no end. Read it, it's hillarious.

Men In Hats - I don't know why I haven't linked up any comics yet, but Men In Hats is funny and irreverant. In other words, just my style.

Something Positive - You love it, I love it, I used to steal bandwidth from them. Great comics... home of some of my favorites.

8-Bit Theatre - Amusing story-line, Black Mage, and wonderful graphics.

Queen of Wands - Home of the Grammar Nazi.

PVP - Most successful online comic ever.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:54 PM | TrackBack

August 05, 2004

Comment Spam

A comment spammer from a discount drug website was leaving most amusing content to spam off of. Thusly, I am recording all of the content and ripping out the links:

Q: How does a hacker fix a function which doesn't work for all of the elements in its domain?
A: He changes the domain.

Everyone wants results, but no one is willing to do what it takes to get them.
-- Dirty Harry

The Least Successful Collector
Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the works of Shakespeare.
One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

BOFH Excuse #298: Not enough interrupts

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
-- Jay Leno

BOFH Excuse #20: divide-by-zero error

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
-- W.C. Fields

"I prefer the blunted cudgels of the followers of the Serpent God."
-- Sean Doran the Younger

The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
brings wisdom.
-- H.L. Mencken

Egotism, n:
Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
Egotist, n:
A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Inspiration without perspiration is usually sterile.

Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.
-- Homer Simpson
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.
-- Cato

Nothing is but what is not.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:31 AM | TrackBack

August 01, 2004

Pet Jealousy

If your cat is jealous of your significant other and turns into a pain in the ass, you ditch the cat. Or if you're some of the nutjobs in the Northeast, you get a family counselor to work out your animal's jealousy issues and get kitty Prozac. I only wish I was kidding... read about it here.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:11 PM | TrackBack

July 30, 2004

Blame Canada

Just when you thought the RIAA was the biggest pain in the posterior imaginable, their Canadian counterparts do something just so plain idiotic as to force you to admire the restraint of the RIAA.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:47 AM | TrackBack

July 28, 2004

MS Does Apples

In a veritable storm of applications, Microsoft apparently filed for a patent of a new variety of apple tree. Sources are saying it's probably an accident, but you never know.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:50 PM | TrackBack

July 24, 2004

Terrorizing Telemarketers

The things that people with too much time on their hands do to telemarketers who call...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:35 PM | TrackBack

July 23, 2004

Just Pass Water...

... even dirty water or piss will do to make these dehydrated meals edible.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:33 PM | TrackBack

Military Perks

Just in case you're female and thinking about joining the military... here's another good reason for some of you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:45 AM | TrackBack

July 11, 2004

How To Stalk Me

One of the more bizarre things I have found online is this individual's guide of how to stalk him. Entertaining and clean...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:26 AM | TrackBack

July 10, 2004

Bonjour Monsieur

Very warped flash animation in French...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:27 PM | TrackBack

July 09, 2004

Ardith is Popular

More Proof

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:20 PM | TrackBack

July 07, 2004

Hands OFF!

No Hillary, you may not "take things away from [me] on behalf of the common good."

Keep your hands off of my things!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:39 PM | TrackBack

Pee Standing Up

Attention women: do you want to pee standing up too? I've found a tutorial which might tell you how. I was rather disturbed by it and didn't really read it, don't know if it works, and honestly don't want to. So why don't one of you go look it over and tell me what you think.

note: I believe that this is the first time that my warped link has disturbed me... thanks Jared.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:55 AM | TrackBack

Advertising Outtakes

I'm going to warn you... this will offend most of you. View at your own risk: the Winnebago Man.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:46 AM | TrackBack

July 06, 2004

Rocky the Leprechaun

I know I've told some of you about how I found the references to "Rocky the Leprechaun" when I was in CO. I just did a search and it turns out his name is "Rocky Rainbow" and he's the self-acclaimed official Leprechaun of Colorado. I am sending emmissaries as we speak.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:57 PM | TrackBack

July 05, 2004

Leprechaun Edition

Just because I knew you'd want to see the Men In Hats with a Leprechaun Theme.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:04 PM | TrackBack

June 30, 2004

For the Truly Desperate

Wow... just... wow...

I was reading Something Positive and the author linked up this job listing for Video Phone Sex Tech Support at Ask the Tech Girl.

Can we say messed up?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:18 AM | TrackBack

CD Virus Shenanigans

It would appear that the Recording Industry is at it again with the new Beastie Boys CD "To the Five Boroughs."

Granted, at this point nobody has seen the alleged CD virus within the U.S. or U.K. but I would imagine it won't be long before some band gives us the chance to see just what level the RIAA is currently willing to sink to.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:49 AM | TrackBack

June 29, 2004

Mixed Drinks


How to make a Vengeful Cynic
1 part jealousy
5 parts brilliance
5 parts leadership
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add emotion to taste! Do not overindulge!


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:14 AM | TrackBack

June 28, 2004

History of Expressiveness

As some of you may know, I tend to be a bit of a history buff. Though nowhere near as dedicated as Wilson, I do enjoy reading history and being knowledgable about the history of things and whatnot. That said, this article which Wheeler pointed me to really embodies a nice combination of history and the tongue-in-cheek amusement with which I approach life. Way to go, Wheeler!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:51 AM | TrackBack

My Little Porny

We can thank Jared for passing along this little gem of a quiz.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:44 AM | TrackBack

June 23, 2004

It's So Me...

Little comics like this exemplify some of my oddities that people as nice as Anna can't understand...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:56 PM | TrackBack

June 21, 2004

My Role-Model

I would like to be more like this teacher... especially if I could get off with the punishment he got. (Thanks Wheeler)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:50 PM | TrackBack

June 20, 2004

Flag Criticism

Have you ever taken a look at a country's flag and said, "Wow... who would want that thing to be their flag?"

Especially impressive are Zimbabwe's hawk on a toilet and Rwanda's breathtakingly original flag.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:47 PM | TrackBack

June 17, 2004

I Was Afraid of This

I've had sinking premonitions about The Terminal, and this review seems to echo them.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:35 PM | TrackBack

June 16, 2004

Just Messed Up

Just in case you needed a reminder that the world is still a fairly poor selection as a permanent domicile, here you are. If a driver can get off with killing a man in a hit-and-run accident and only get fined £2,500 but could get two years for hitting a tree as a result of driving in a dangerous manner, something is seriously wrong.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:34 PM | TrackBack

Term of Endearment?

I've never known the term c*nt to be used as a term of endearment, but apparently the University of Colorado President Elizabeth Hoffman has (thanks Wheeler.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:27 PM | TrackBack

Stupid Allies

And this sort of thing is why I have trouble with close U.S. ties with Saudi Arabia.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:21 AM | TrackBack

June 15, 2004

Drat! Foiled Again!

I should do this to someone (link courtesy of The Wench.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:03 PM | TrackBack

June 14, 2004

Satanic Harry Potter

Want to know just how to justify a claim to Harry Potter being Satanic and Christian leaders like Colson and Dobson being sell-outs? Just read about it here.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:59 PM | TrackBack

Artistic License

This could be an interesting film for a marketeer.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:14 PM | TrackBack

June 10, 2004

The Best Court

It's things like this that make me love the Supreme Court and create a growing loathing for President Bush. I mean, I like a lot of the man's policy... but he and Ashcroft really give me the creeps when it comes to homeland security.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:24 AM | TrackBack

June 07, 2004

Warped Pharmaceuticals

You can all thank Wilson for referring me to this article on the rejuvenation of love after 65 thanks to modern technology.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:32 PM | TrackBack

Thank You Cosby

I found this article linked off of Thinklings. The article has quotes from remarks Bill Cosby made in response to the anniversary of Brown vs. The Board of Education where he calls on the African-American community to seize the advantages given them rather than squandering these advantages like he sees so many doing. The article then goes on to give the points of those who are outraged by his remarks and those who feel he is right on the mark.

From my experience, I think that Cosby is dead right in what he is saying. Granted, many of his critics agree that he is at least partially correct but want a more constructive manner of dealing with the problem. I think the problem lies with most not wanting to get out of the destructive urban sub-culture and not seeing the advantages to rising above such an environment. To be fair, most aren't going to arrive at this solution on their own and are going to need help to arrive at the mindset that there is something better out there than an uneducated life as a member of an impoverished community... but I think Cosby's point is also that too many African-American spokespeople and advocacy groups are in the business of trying to excuse the behavior of those in question rather than trying to change that behavior.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:25 AM | TrackBack

June 06, 2004

My Favorite Quiz

Which Member of the Shadow Council Are You?


brought to you by Quizilla

Thank Jared for coming up with this...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:01 PM | TrackBack

Catholic Sell-Out

It's priests like these that give many conservatives hesitation in supporting the Roman Catholic Church, especially in its work in the Third World.

The aforementioned article highlights Father Joe Maier, a priest in Bangkok, Thailand. Father Joe has done some very good things and has created a school in the inner-city slums and taken in many starving and needy children in an attempt to give them a better life. This is all well and good... but then you dig a little deeper and you get things like this out of the article:

What's so unique about this scene is, the kids are praying to Buddha in a Catholic school. But that's just fine with Father Joe Maier, who says he doesn't care if the children say their "Hail Marys" to a statue of Buddha as long as they know some prayers to help them deal with life.

Here's another exchange that I found rather telling:

Father Joe went to Thailand with two assignments.

Fr. MAIER: To become a missionary priest and to work with the people and to convert them to Christianity and become holy, I guess. They converted me, though.

JONES (To Fr. Maier): Who converted you?

Fr. MAIER: The Buddhists and Muslims. I've only learned to be a Christian by learning from the Muslims and Buddhists: tolerance and calmness and peace.

And I find this last quote very telling about Maier's validity as a Christian worker:

Every week those tribes have to gather like a family council. They commune, give pause, and give thanks to the greater being. [Maier] has them learn prayers, but he doesn't enforce it upon them by way of stripping away their Buddhist identity.

In essence, I this sort of thing typifies the problem: taking a positive experience with a spiritual element and relabelling it "Christianity" by mixing in a couple of elements of Christianity and ignoring doctrine so that everyone is happy. While Christ came so that the world could be saved and came in love, He is not weak and willing to submit to other religions just so that their supplicants can feel free to be Christians without any discomfort.

This isn't to say that the entire Roman Catholic Church is responsible for this... but it's been my experience talking with those who work and minister, especially in the Third World, that this is hardly an exception. Rather than do the hard work of fighting local religion, many priests just incorporate large parts of it into Catholicism, and thus create problems for years to come and undermine the name of Christianity and confuse it with some bastardized version.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:52 AM | TrackBack

June 05, 2004

Not Sure What to Do With These

I made these up the other evening and I'm not sure where to put them or how I'll use them... so for now, feel free to copy them to your own server and use them if you like. (Bandwidth thieves will have their arms torn off and used to beat them to death.)

and last but not least...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:43 AM | TrackBack

Oddly Enough

A couple of days ago, I was making some various icons for my blog, and then I found this... which struck me as a perfect way to introduce one of my new icons.

Note: to those of you who object to some of my coarser vocabulary, you might want to pass this one up.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:24 AM | TrackBack

June 03, 2004

Stop Oppressive Gardening!

Just when you thought that the Cynic was done with the links, he strikes back. First, I found the Free the Gnomes homepage and figured you'd like to see it. It's clean and Wench-friendly.

Oddly enough... today seems to be clean disturbing link day. I'll have to rectify that tomorrow. But anyways, here's a link to the First Vienna Vegetable Orchestra, where the music is good and the instruments are edible. And last but not least, I have a news story to highlight the plight of our Aussie friends in the land down under, where you aren't allowed to order cool knives on the internet.

So yeah... there are your family-friendly, work-safe, children approved warped links. That's not gonna happen again for quite some time so enjoy it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:46 PM | TrackBack

May 30, 2004

The Lost Links

In an apparent effort to help me make up for lost time and lost warped links, Wheeler is digging up all sorts of random and warped things. First we have this story of a British man breaking into an animal shelter, armed with a rifle, a katana, lighter fluid and a hammer in an attempt to break his dog out.

Continuing on in the animal motif, we have this picture, from the Cryptozoology Gallery. Oh... and check out the giant bunny, the mutant frog and the "unicorn" from the same gallery. Screwed up.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:08 PM | TrackBack

Sympathy Pains

So yeah... I was just given link to a story about a guy who apparently ripped off his own testicles. If he actually did that, he didn't deserve them in the first place.

Ouch! (Thank Jared!)

Speaking of great shame, here's another good news article that the Guatemalan passed along to me. In this guy's shoes, I probably would have committed suicide too.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:41 PM | TrackBack

May 29, 2004

How Unfortunate

Wilson sent me this link to illustrate the notion that as bad as your name is, it in't nearly this bad.

Speaking of cool things found on the internet, my little brother found me this online mirror of ESPN's Images of Our Century. Good stuff for anyone who enjoys sports.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:53 PM | TrackBack

May 22, 2004


So yeah... apparently the new record for number of nude roller-coaster riders has been broken in Britian. And speaking of the Brits, apparently the TV Show Wife Swap is being brought over to America.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:35 AM | TrackBack

May 16, 2004

Best Essays Ever

I stumbled upon this series of 3 essays written by disgruntled students at some school or another. All I have to say is these are some of the most hillarious essays I've ever read... especially the one about Walt Whitman. I also found this set of Peter Nguyen's essays (author of Walt Whitman) after doing some looking... truly bizarre.

Update: I have found Peter Nguyen's home on the internet where he has more of his stuff posted. I will warn you though, it's pretty messed up and I wouldn't go looking at the animations if I were you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:58 PM | TrackBack

Death Clock

For those of you anxiously awaiting the death of Britney Spears, check here for a countdown to her projected death hour.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:03 PM | TrackBack

Fighting Scammers

This was linked on slashdot, fark and somethingawful. Best way to fight a scammer ever!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:32 PM | TrackBack

May 14, 2004

Moving Day

As today is moving day and I won't have much time, I'd like to thank Jared for coming up with today's warped link. It's called fertility friend, and it's a warped kind of PacMan. I hope you enjoy it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:32 PM | TrackBack

May 13, 2004

Bad Way to Go

When I go, I don't want to be bitten to death by a horse. For that matter, I don't want to have the OS crash on the boat that I'm in... leading to a crash of a more painful variety or some sort of critical weapons glitch.

Note: while the first link is a tad disturbed, the second isn't.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:28 PM | TrackBack

May 12, 2004

Feel the Need

Have you ever felt like you wanted to get online so bad that you'd bash someone in the face with a fire extinguisher if they tried to stop you?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:55 PM | TrackBack

May 10, 2004

Only in Kenya

We can all thank Jared and Dave Barry for finding this gem. HOLY CRAP LIONS!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:23 PM | TrackBack

May 07, 2004

Street Pac-Man?

Give me a couple of hours and I'll have all sorts of fun. Special medical devices and Street Pac-Man are my two amusements of the day. The first is somewhat disturbing (but not really) and the second is just really odd, but family-friendly.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:35 PM | TrackBack

May 06, 2004

Sensory Transmigration

I just had an epiphany. Up until now, I really hadn't run into a blog that gives the exact feeling one gets when one talks to that person. Wilson's comes close, but Rachel's is that blog.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:43 PM | TrackBack

Kittie Pink

Yeah... the warped links are back. Here's a furry site that I really can't say that I recommend to the weak-minded among you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:17 PM | TrackBack

May 05, 2004

Final Amusements

Final Hell Day is upon me... so to amuse you while I'm there:
E*bay seller gets owned!
Why old women shouldn't drive
Dance Lesson Disturbed (note: could disturb some)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:22 AM | TrackBack

May 03, 2004

Worker Rights

Apparently people think that hookers should be treated no differently than other workers. I think they should clearly be admitted to the AFL-CIO... it's not been doing anyone else any good lately.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:09 PM | TrackBack

April 28, 2004


Was looking for some information on Gammonds (a Flooder friend of mine who graduated last year) and found this website. Rather entertaining... especially the pictures.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:11 PM | TrackBack

April 27, 2004

Where Did it Go?

Thanks to Wilson for finding this well-written article on D&D.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:17 AM | TrackBack

April 26, 2004

Do-It-Yourself Veterinarian

You can all thank Dunny for today's warped link.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:20 PM | TrackBack

April 25, 2004

Kick the Habit

Wilson has contributed the link to this wonderful picture for your viewing pleasure.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:21 PM | TrackBack

April 23, 2004

Social Status

I believe that today's PVP comic says quite a bit about the sum of Moore's social status. I highly recommend it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:01 PM | TrackBack

April 21, 2004


Of special interest to Wilson:

"Who Needs Sleep?" - Barenaked Ladies Stunt

Now I lay me down not to sleep I just get tangled in the sheets I swim in sweat three inches deep I just sit back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she’s three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats. The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep. I count down, I look around.


Who needs sleep? Well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep? Tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep? Be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake since the second world war
Who needs sleep? Well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep? Tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep? Be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake since the second world war

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing filled with lists
Of things to do and things I’ve done
Another sleepless night’s begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats. The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep. I count down, I look around.


There’s so much joy in life, so many pleasures all around
The pleasure of insomnia is one I’ve never found
With all life has to offer, there’s so much to be enjoyed
The pleasures of insomnia are ones I can’t avoid

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats. The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep. I count down, I look around.

Hala hala hala



Who needs sleep? Well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep? Tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep? Be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake since the second world war
Who needs sleep? Well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep? Tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep? Be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake since the second world war

(words by Steven Page and Ed Robertson)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:07 PM | TrackBack

April 20, 2004

News Articles

Sorry that I haven't been posting much in the way of substantive writing of late... I've been kind of busy with the whole school-work and personal interaction thing. I'll try and keep this going, but I'm going to have to beg off insofar as lengthy posting, at least for another day or so.

Anyways, here are some news links that I found entertaining:
ZDNews Australia has a 5-part expose on famous hackers. Also, BusinessWeek has a nice series on the growth and maturing of Linux.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:32 PM | TrackBack

April 19, 2004

Square Wheels!

This may be of particular interest to the math and physics nerds among us.... (thanks Dunny.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:54 PM | TrackBack

April 18, 2004

Sexier than a Jawa...

Another wonderful S*P strip about the social skills of nerds... quality stuff.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:55 AM | TrackBack

April 17, 2004

Bizarre Games

More than you ever knew (or probably wanted to know) about the little toy on a string, commonly referred to as the yo-yo.

Also, here's a tax-related Something Positive cartoon that really amused me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:52 AM | TrackBack

April 15, 2004


From Dungeon Master's Guide, 3.5 ed. (Wizards of the Coast, 2003):

He takes the time to cast bless and shield of faith on hiimself before opening the door and using a standard action to cast hold person on the first foe he sees.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

Via Wilson.

So yeah... everybody in the blog world seems to be doing this and I didn't want to be left out.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:46 PM | TrackBack

April 13, 2004

End of the World

There's this wonderful little flash animation regarding the end of the world that I rediscovered this last weekend. Good stuff... mostly work safe (except a bit of bad language.)

update: The server is slower than dirt... just to warn you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:40 PM | TrackBack

April 12, 2004


Lately I've been posting a lot of interesting finds, and I'm going to continue on that for now. First I have this article about the BBC screening the first televised sperm race (thanks, Gallagher.) As if that weren't enough for one post, I also have the Subservient Chicken (who, I have it on good authority, will dance the "YMCA") courtesy of Wilson.

Also, for all of those of you who are afraid of going to my second link out of a respect for my reputation for links... don't worry about the chicken doing anything untoward, Wheeler already tried to make it do something indecent and the screen blanked in interest of saving the innocence of the children.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:01 PM | TrackBack

April 11, 2004

2004 Polly Awards

The Collegiate Network has just announced its 7th annual Campus Outrage Awards:

Yale and UCSB are tied for First Place: Yale for its Sex Week at Yale and UCSB for legitimizing and promoting Alejandro Juarez's “F*$%ing with Stereotypes: Gay Men of Color in Porn” at their own Multicultural Center.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:07 PM | TrackBack

April 10, 2004


Which Family Guy character are you?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:57 AM | TrackBack

April 04, 2004

March 31, 2004

Greek God

I am Hecate


Which of the Greek Gods Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla (thanks to Wheeler for providing me with the link.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:40 AM | TrackBack

March 29, 2004

Little Kids

Thank you Wheeler for finding my two life philosophies about brats located on one web comic strip.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:37 PM | TrackBack

March 27, 2004

Monty Python

Scott was whining the other day about the fact that nobody ever has any good Monty Python links. I found a couple... and while they seem to universally suck as far as page design and content is concerned, they do have quality material linked and available for download.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:31 AM | TrackBack

March 26, 2004

Hi-Tech Cage

This case amuses me, and I'm not even an animal fan. It's perfectly clean... as far as being work-safe and family-friendly anyways. I wouldn't vouch for it being clear of gerbil crap though...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:57 PM | TrackBack

March 25, 2004


It's really hard to get this quiz to give me meaningful results... probably because it's just not very good. That said, the outcomes are fun.

I'm pretty sure the first one applies now whereas the second one would have applied at this time last year.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:36 PM | TrackBack

March 22, 2004

Best Flash Ever

Check this thing out! (Flash Player Required... perfectly 100% clean)

I know if someone was singing like that in the labs, I would do that.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:04 PM | TrackBack

March 21, 2004

PBJ Time

Gecko found this for me. If you are particularly impressionable or easily disturbed, don't go.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:28 PM | TrackBack

March 20, 2004

Spammers Beware

Do you hate spammers? Do you like abusing abrasive morons? My policy of posting the IP addresses of comment spammers is effective post ex facto, starting now.

IP addresses are below, the dates they were added to my block list are in parenthesis.


It would seem that a new moron has decided to bother me, even this very day... idiots.


Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:05 PM | TrackBack

March 12, 2004

In Lieu...

As I lack truly quality things to post, I give you this warped link on fashion.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:53 AM | TrackBack

March 10, 2004

Leaving Town...

As you can see, I'm supposed to be driving out momentarily.
It's too early.
I hate mornings.
I can't think.
Go read this link.
You're probably still in bed.
I hate you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:52 AM | TrackBack

March 09, 2004

I want one...

*alternates between paranoid twitching and envious drooling*

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:46 PM | TrackBack

Link Round-up

First I present The Artistic Range of Bubble Gum, which is safe for all. Next is the beverage of choice for beaver chasing, which is also perfectly clean, despite innuendos.

Finally we have Lodger TV, which is the home to several warped flash animations, but is probably work safe, as long as nobody objects to the notions. Anna, I would recommend you avoid this one.

Thanks to the Brit (who apparently gets paid to do nothing but surf the 'net all day) for this good stuff.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:57 PM | TrackBack

March 08, 2004

Just Bent

Have you ever felt like the police were out to prove something when they pulled you over? Ever felt like you were just being crapped on for no good reason?

I know I've got nothing on some of these people... and then this problem takes the cake.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:19 AM | TrackBack

March 05, 2004


You're Catch-22!
by Joseph Heller
Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of people.
Book Quiz courtesy of the Blue Pyramid.
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:47 AM | TrackBack

I am the USA

You're the United States of America!

You were probably a big bully in school, and odds are that you're still a big bully.  You make promises that you break, you manipulate everyone around you, and you're awfully materialistic.  On the other hand, you're pretty inventive and have a really good sense of justice.  You just never get around to applying the idea of justice to yourself.  Incredible potential remains yours to take advantage of.

Quiz courtesy of: Blue Pyramid

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:35 AM | TrackBack

March 03, 2004

Dumb Cars for Wenches

Check this car out. I figured that it would appeal to Sunny as the perfect car for wenches.

After all, as the female engineer in charge of the project pointed out, "Honestly, the only time I open the [hood] on my car is when I want to fill up washer fluid," said Tatiana Butovitsch Temm.

"Do we need to have a one metre square hatch for that or could we do it in another way?

"So we shifted the filling station for washer fluid to the side of the car, next to where you fill up fuel, and we closed the [hood] for good."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:58 PM | TrackBack

March 02, 2004

Welcome to LU

I just found a comic to typify the LeTourneau social experience for many, courtesy of Queen of Wands.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:38 PM | TrackBack


OMG! So screwed up! (flagrantly plagiarized from Brooke)

I've been neglecting the warped links for a while, and I would like to thank Dunny for passing me these.


note: the Mario Saga really isn't warped, just intriguing
Mario Saga, Part 1
Mario Saga, Part 2
Mario Saga, Part 3

Update: While we're at it, anybody want to join the movement for Equal Rights?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:28 PM | TrackBack

February 29, 2004

Programming Languages

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:43 PM | TrackBack

February 28, 2004

Bad Way to Go

How would you like to get fired by text message?

Sucks to work for KEB Credit.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:22 PM | TrackBack

February 24, 2004

Diet Microsoft?

Interesting stuff:
MS is talking about a strategy change
EU might force a change

Long story short, a new and different MS might be on the horizon.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:23 PM | TrackBack

February 23, 2004

Kwanzaa Bush!

There really is one out there. Look under the "Decorations" section to see how to make one for yourself.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:30 PM | TrackBack

February 22, 2004

Shady Politics

If anyone thinks small-town politics are screwed up, check this out.

I may have told some of you about good old Arnold Engel, but for those who I haven't, let me put it this way: if there was ever someone who created grief and aggravation for people who wanted to give kids a legitimate education, it would be this man. If there were ever someone who valued dollars and cents over education and would destroy the futures of hundreds of children to save a buck, it would be Arnie. If there is no individual man more hated by any educator who knows him, it would be Arnie.

The school district is asking for about $3 million to support growth and expansion in this next year. Arnold claims that this money is too much because the teachers are paid too much. So yeah... we should pay our teachers less, because that will give our kids a better education. Not to mention what a pittance teachers get in the first place. I will be posting more articles on this moron as I find them.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:54 PM | TrackBack

The Shaft

When you think you've got it bad, check out what happened to this hosting service.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:40 PM | TrackBack

February 20, 2004

The World Spins On

During the course of the week, I've accumulated the following newsworthy items. They range from the amusing to the absurd to the just plain screwed-up.

Sad News to Report: A man in Germany was jailed for 9 months for driving agressively on the Autobahn and causing a woman to drive recklessly and crash, resulting in her death.

In other news, this professor stepped down from his job in the aftermath of his making a flippant statement to prove a point and having a student call his bluff. Granted, he did offer an "A" to any student brazen enough to strip in class... and granted this was a conservative school, but I still think the action is a bit much.

And finally, PETA is trying convince the town of Slaughterville to change their name to Veggieville by bribing them with $20,000 of veggie burgers. In light of that offer, I would change my town's name to "Animal Execution"-ville.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:51 PM | TrackBack

February 19, 2004

The Mental Illness that Pays

One messed up Frenchman.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:38 PM | TrackBack


Typically, news of a new lawsuit annoys me and turns my stomach. However, this countersuit has me running around in circles screaming, "YES!"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:31 PM | TrackBack

February 18, 2004

Great Video

Some guys at work found this wonderful video about what happens when you don't wear a seat belt and get in a wreck. For you LU people, it's probably blocked... but bypassing it (if you can) won't get you in trouble as there is no nudity and some IT guys were the ones who found it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:33 PM | TrackBack

February 17, 2004

Emergency Baptism

I honestly wish this was a joke.

Emergency Baptism? It sounds like a procedure to avoid nuclear meltdown.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:56 PM | TrackBack

Best Science Fair Project EVER

I wish I was making this up. See this link and go down to the 2nd-place Middle School Level.

For those of you who are too lazy and don't want to go see the joy and bad science that is the "Creation Science Fair," here's the excerpted part that made me spray Mountain Dew all over my monitor:

2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:59 PM | TrackBack

February 14, 2004

Capitalistic Speculation

In light of this wonderful Valentine's Day, I would like to direct your attention here. No, not a suggestion or even a notion, more of a proposition: What do you think we could sell it for? Certainly enough to derail the DeBeers monopoly.

You know the best part, though? Any man who gave this to his woman would still have more demands to meet the next day.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:54 PM | TrackBack

February 11, 2004

Disturbed Linkage

Best Auction Ever: Only on Ebay

update: Due to the auction's obvious non-compliance with Ebay Standards, it was taken down. If anyone has a static copy or a mirror, leave it in a comment

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:29 PM | TrackBack

Dr. J

Here's something that our resident Parliament Funkadelic fan will appreciate. And it'll probably disturb everyone else.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:13 AM | TrackBack

February 10, 2004

Fun News

Due to a need to sleep and a lack of time for fun posting at the moment, I bring you the latest from the Absurd Litigation Department.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:37 PM | TrackBack

February 09, 2004


Here's an editorial that articulates the problems that men have respecting women. I think it's well-done.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:47 PM | TrackBack

February 05, 2004


Dean With Fish

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:13 PM | TrackBack

February 01, 2004

Isn't This Ironic...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:58 PM | TrackBack

Personality Disorder Test

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||| 54%
Schizoid |||||||||||| 46%
Schizotypal |||||||||||| 46%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 66%
Borderline |||||| 22%
Histrionic |||||| 30%
Narcissistic |||||||||||| 50%
Avoidant |||| 18%
Dependent |||||| 22%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 22%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:38 PM | TrackBack

January 30, 2004

Fun Times

So yeah... the games I've found online to suck up my time ate a bit of it last night. But here's another good one:

Great Game for Lab Shifts... much better than KOC as far as sucking up a lot of time goes.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:40 PM | TrackBack

January 29, 2004

Monkey Sex

Monkeys Thinking About Sex (clean)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:23 PM | TrackBack

January 28, 2004

Inflatable Church!

Following the odd wedding motif, why not get married in aninflatable church? (note:this is much more in Gecko's style than Ardith's)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:10 PM | TrackBack

Proposal for a Geek

This is a bit much, even for a nerd. But then, think about the kind of girl a real nerd would get away with doing that to.

Not that I think she wouldn't kill said guy, but it's hard to say with Ardith. Plus at this point it's pure speculation. And if said guy in the future is ever reading these archives, I would like to point out that I don't endorse this idea and can't be held responsible for any fall-out related to this sort of scheme.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:49 AM | TrackBack

January 27, 2004

Wonderful Fun

See here why President Bush is amazing at handling the press. At lease he's honest and straightforward in his politics, unlike the jerks at PETA and their little comic book. Oh yes and speaking of animals... in India, Elephants are getting drunk and getting themselves killed... just like their human counterparts.

I love all of these fun links.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:36 PM | TrackBack

January 25, 2004

Jung Typology

Take the test here. It's based on the Jung-Meyers-Briggs typological approach to understanding personality.

My type: ENTJ (Extroverted Intuitive Thinking Judging)

  • Distinctively Expressed Extrovert (67%)
  • Very Expressed Intuitive Personality (89%)
  • Very Expressed Thinking Personality (78%)
  • Moderately Expressed Judging Personality (44%)

ENTJ Description by D. Keirsey
ENTJ Description by J. Butt

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:28 PM | TrackBack

January 22, 2004

Couldn't Have Said it Better...

Curious about this legal fight between SCO and IBM over Linux that all of your nerd friends keep talking about? Here is an excellent source which explains the fight in relatively unbiased detail.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:48 PM | TrackBack

January 18, 2004

Buying a Car

This article on Edmunds.com. If you are ever in the market for a car, this is a really good read. Actually, this is a really good read for anyone who expects to be interacting with salespeople in the future.

Throughout high school and college, I've had a lot of friends with sales jobs and even had one or two myself. Let me tell you from experience, any salesman who claims to have your best interest at heart is probably lying to you. Almost without exception, salesmen will lie, cheat and swindle you to get their commission and sales numbers up. In case you weren't cynical of salesmen before... the above article ought to help reinforce that notion.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:34 PM | TrackBack

January 17, 2004

Top 10 Reasons for Going to Church...

Take a look at this. I must admit, it seems rather close to accurate in the minds of a lot of the non-Christian guys that I know. Their anecdotes on "Christian girls" give a whole new meaning to the word...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:33 PM | TrackBack

January 12, 2004

D&D Characters for President!

And while I'm at it, let me pass along a link that was found down a long rabbit trail of people. I present to you the D&D Characterizations of the Democratic Presidential Candidates, as was given to me by Wilson. Fun stuff...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:56 PM | TrackBack

December 24, 2003

Terror Alerts

Idea stolen from Bonner:

Current Terror Level:

Terror Alert Level

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:34 AM

December 23, 2003

Sick After Resisting Mono

Well... I lasted 2 weeks or so of exposure to Anna's mono and I've lasted a week here in Cincinnati... and it looks like I've finally fallen sick.

*knocks on wood*

It looks like I'm not too terribly sick and this illness should stick to the Cynic's tradition of not being sick for a long period of time and not getting too beat down for a while. Sure... I'll feel like shit for a couple of days, but I should be back up in action before the week is out. And now, I shall watch Letterman, because it entertains me much.

I love watching David Letterman after a long day of being a bum.

Some wonderful Dave quotes:
"Word has it that Saddam is now despondent... they say all he does all day is sit in his cell staring longingly at a picture of George Bush. This sounds a lot like Al Gore."

"If you're thinking of a gift for Saddam you can't go wrong with a Sharper Image Turbo Nose-Clipper."

And of course there's the top 10...

Top 10 Things that Department Store Santa Doesn't Want to Hear from the Kids:

10) Remember me? I'm the kid with the week bladder
09) You smell like supermarket gin.
08) The real Miracle on 34th St. would be if they accepted my mom's Mastercard.
07) I want a 2004 Pontiac Aztek.
06) If i don't get an X-box, I'm gonna hunt you down old man.
05) I'm Jewish.
04) I love you Kenny Rogers.
03) Frankly, I'm just here to please my parents.
02) While Im talking to you, my mom is shoplifting blouses.
01) Mom says you're my real daddy.

Well... I promised myself that I wouldn't start tracking this until I couldn't help it. So hear's the end trailer of the posts for the remainder of my stay here:

Disturbed Link of the Day: The Destruction of a Toyota Truck
Days Since I Saw Anna: 7

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:53 AM

December 22, 2003

Warped Stuff

*is laughing so hard he's crying*

I'm listening to Jim Rome and here are some things that happened in this last year:

WNBA is the most betted-upon professional sports league of its kind (Jim Rome suggests this is due to OTB.)
A kid got arrested for calling a hooker to his hospital room.
Apparently 8 games in the season, Detroit was 7.5 games out of first.
A sports writer got fired for quoting Haywood Jablome in a piece.
Some writer wants to turn the life of Evil Kenieval into a musical.
Brian Anderson thwarted a mugging in SF by running down a mugger.
JV Basketball coach in Arizona arrested for bringing strippers on school trips.
Aaron Ralston got lost hiking and chopped off his own arm with a pocket knife to get loose.
A bowling coach in Iowa was busted for kiddie-porn charges.
A German man was arrested for walking down a street with a severed head in one hand and a knife in the other.
15 players and 2 coaches in a New York school got arrested for going to a strip club.
A little-league mother told her son to attack another child during a game.
A fitness center in Denver stayed open while there was a dead body was on an
exercise bike... they just moved him to the side and covered him with some

Oh... and check this:


And life wouldn't be complete without a warped link...

Disturbed Link of the Day: Odd Feminine Products Hit New Lows

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:24 AM

December 20, 2003

Christmas shopping fun...

So now most of my Christmas shopping is done. I did it all in one fell swoop today as I went to visit the overcrowded and poorly-designed mall with my little brother and friend Tim. After taking half an hour to get to open parking, I spent the next hour or so finding the stuff that I'd catalogued in my head over the year that I needed to get. After that, we trekked over to Tim's house where we watched the UC basketball game, had dinner, watched some of The Mummy and fiddled with his dad's computer. Now, I'm back at home, being a bum and watching TV with mom and brothers.

While I've been sitting here, I've been talking to a friend from school, and it has been decided that we can categorize everyone in the immediate SC into D&D races:

I am clearly a large dwarf Wilson is probably Elven (for the unitiated, note that Elves only trance 4 hours a night as opposed to sleeping 8 and are typically frailer)
Anna is either Human or Half-Elven, probably Human given the proclivity for math and teaching...
Ardith is clearly a gnome
Wheeler is probably an over-large halfling
Martinez is probably a human (especially with all of that obsession over knowledge(engineering) and knowledge(math))
Moore is a half-orc with an addiction to food (granted, he's an endurance man... but the one-track mind for food says half-orc)

(the gallery will get their treatment soon enough)

And just on the note of the bizarre, check this guy out. I will never be nearly as cool as he is.

And on that note, I think I'm off to go make a quiz about D&D races or something. Yes, I'm a nerd... and spending a whole day with Tim didn't help that.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:03 AM

The SC Moves to Power...

I can feel the process required to put the SC into power coming ever-closer to fruition.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:26 AM

December 18, 2003

Disturbed Link Fun

In case you'd been missing out on the disturbed linkage: What Many Girls Want For Christmas (allegedly)

Note, I claim no responsibility for the views espoused or endorsed in the link. If you followed it, that's your problem.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:55 AM

December 15, 2003

On Constitutional Law...

One of the better quotes I've run across of late:

Justice Curtis on the Dred Scott case in 1858
"When a strict interpretation of the Constitution according to the fixed rules which govern interpretation of laws is abandoned and the theoretical opinions of individuals allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution. We're under a government of individual men who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of what they think it ought to be."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:01 AM

December 13, 2003

Warped Links for All!

All of the warped links fit to print:

Crazy! Apparently, elephants are hijacking sugar trucks in Bangkok.

And on the animal note... allegedly, pigeons are faster than the internet. Continuing on to other warped animals... this turkey tried to rape a man.

Speaking of odd sexuality, a transsexual in Taipei is confusing its jailors.

In other bad news, crazy adherants of bizarre sects of Christianity who hail from Michigan are wandering about my fine home state of Ohio and breaking traffic laws. In better news, they're endangering their offspring.

And finally, face scanners are being implemented in schools in Phoenix, AZ in an attempt to find missing students and pick up sex offenders in schools. Invasion of privacy, anyone? Not to mention a shaky history of facial recognition.... Can we say, "Law suit?"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:42 AM

December 11, 2003

I am Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?

Congratulations! You're Merry!

brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:19 AM

December 09, 2003

Signs Humanity isn't Improving

Just when I thought that humanity couldn't get any dumber... this moron proves me wrong.

And apparently foreign hookers are now informing science. Quite something...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:46 AM

December 08, 2003

Cthulu: Jack Chick Style

This is quite possibly the best disturbed link of the semester. Same Jack Chick style, different author.

Thanks Dunny.

And here's a wonderful little page about the "evil" white man. Quite entertaining. Racist ignorance is universal.

Now Playing
Metallica - No Leaf Clover

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:36 AM

December 04, 2003

Hell Week is Over

Well, I guess most of the hell week is over. And all of a sudden everyone is getting sick. Stop getting sick you fools...

In order to facilitate the willpower necessary, I come bearing two warped links.

Disturbed Links of the Day:
Special Crafts (thanks Dang)
Special Surgery for Women (thanks Gallagher)

Now Playing
Goo Goo Dolls - Imaginary Friend

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:46 AM

December 03, 2003

Screwed Up in Germany!

All time new lows for screwed up are upon us!

Disturbed Link of the Day: Fox News story on German court proceedings

Now Playing
Matchbox 20 - Long Day

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:38 AM

November 30, 2003


Not that I think many of you will have a variety of results, but go take the Belief-O-Matic Quiz.

Here's how I came out:

1.  Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
2.  Seventh Day Adventist (89%)
3.  Eastern Orthodox (86%)
4.  Orthodox Quaker (86%)
5.  Roman Catholic (86%)
6.  Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (75%)
7.  Islam (62%)
8.  Orthodox Judaism (62%)
9.  Liberal Quakers (49%)
10.  Hinduism(48%)
11.  Bah?'? Faith (40%)
12.  Unitarian Universalism (39%)
13.  Reform Judaism (38%)
14.  Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (36%)
15.  Jehovah's Witness (34%)
16.  Mahayana Buddhism (32%)
17.  Theravada Buddhism (32%)
18.  Jainism (30%)
19.  Sikhism (29%)
20.  Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (26%)
21.  New Thought (26%)
22.  Nontheist (25%)
23.  Scientology (24%)
24.  New Age (21%)
25.  Neo-Pagan (20%)
26.  Taoism (15%)
27.  Secular Humanism (14%)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:49 AM

November 23, 2003

On Crapintoshes

A fitting commentary on my favorite hardware platform.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:14 AM

November 13, 2003

Black Market

I can't believe they posted this. Actually I can, but it's still great.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:51 AM

November 12, 2003

On A Lighter Note...

Five Secrets to A Perfect Relationship

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Disturbed Link of the Day: Epitome of Disfunctional Marriages

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:45 AM | TrackBack

November 09, 2003

I am Raistlin!

Thanks Wheeler for finding this:

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Raistlin Majere

An intensely private individual that chooses actions with care, you strive to further your own skills and powers.

This happens because I choose it to happen!

Raistlin is a character in the Dragonlance universe. He has a short biography at Dragonlance.com.

Having read a good bit of Dragonlance myself, I find this highly entertaining. It's not so much what I am now, as who I was 5 years ago... but it's still uncanny that this is that dead-on. Those who are more familiar with the book series will appreciate this more.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:11 AM

November 04, 2003

To tide you over...

Just an odd link to tide you over until I post....

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:49 AM

October 30, 2003

Mr. Scott

And I honestly tried to link up Scott last night... but the people at Blogger had other plans. But now, after the delay... we're back.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:58 AM

The Fysche Bowl

Wow... that attempt to cleanse my soul yesterday felt very good. And then I began to return to my nirvana and become one with the cynicism again. It feels really good. And thus...

Disturbed Link of the Day: The Fysche Bowl - Go and "Learn to write the Lingo-go"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:20 AM

October 29, 2003

Warped Links are Back!

You know... I've been bumming around lately and feeling lethargic and just apathetic as though something was missing from my life. And then I remembered that I had been negligent in the disturbing of the masses and thus depriving myself and others of the benefits of my altruism. So here now, I bring the disturbance.

Disturbed Link of the Day: The Temple of Shao'Kehn (translation: Got warped, home-made half-baked religion? ...because we sure do!)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:01 AM

October 27, 2003

Traffic Light Disruptors!

I want one of these. People are already worried about them and there is talk of upgrading systems to lock out some of the cheaper one. Here's an article about the whole situation.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:24 PM

My man beat the charges!

My man beat the charges! I am so happy I could do a jig.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:13 AM

October 26, 2003

A Head-Banging Good Time

S*Palways has these great ideas... like this.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:46 AM

October 25, 2003

I'm faster than you!

Because I'm a speed-reading nut and because I have to one-up others,

I read at 2719 wpm with an accuracy of 91%

Try it out yourself...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:13 AM

October 24, 2003

Stupid People Strike Back!

Every now and again, I get afraid that my cynicism may leave me. After all, with every passing day, I intentionally shelter myself more from the idiotic public and spend more time with intelligent individuals. And this may last for a day or a week or even a month... but then I get out and I remember what the world is really like. And it's this kind of stuff that reminds me that I will always be a cynic and a firm believer that humanity is nothing more than a pile of hopeless morons.

One wonderful excerpt:

"I worked at the front desk of a hotel for about two years. It was at a major ski resort in the Rocky Mountains, destination of stupid tourists. "

Dumb Guest #1: "Can you tell me which of these mountains is the Rocky Mountains?"

Dumb Guest #2 (calling from room): "What time is it?"
Me: "8:30."
Dumb Guest #2 "Is that Colorado time?"
(I actually laughed in the phone, wondering why in the world I would give her the time for another time zone).

Dumb Guest #3 (calling to get room rates): "How much would a room with a queen bed be?"
Me: "$69.95 plus tax"
Dumb Guest #3: "Is that in American dollars?"
ME (well, I didn't actually say this, but i thought it): "No, that's 69.95 in Yen. If you want the conversion into American dollars you'll have to call someone who doesn't think you're an idiot."

Dumb Guest #4 (team captain for a European Men's Ski team): "Someone stole my skis."
Me: "Someone stole your skis? Were they in your room?"
Dumb Guest #4: "No, they were right outside the door."
Me: "You left your skis in the hallway?"
Dumb Guest #4: "No, outside the front door of the hotel. They where there last night, but I went outside this morning and they're gone."

And last but not least:

Dumb Guest #5: "Could you tell me how much the complimentary breakfast costs?"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:19 AM

October 23, 2003

Jack Chick, a la MST3K

Mmmm.... everyone loves Jack Chick tracts. Here's my favorite one... ala MST3K. Here's another good Chick tract (no MST3K, sorry) on rock and roll.

If you're in the market for a t-shirt, this one ought to suit most of my friends.

And here's one of the best prank ideas ever...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:08 AM

October 22, 2003

Morons are Back in Force!

There are lots of morons who should be shot... and their idiot lawyers with them. Here is a tale of one such set of morons. I feel their pain, but this is ridiculous. How about we not blame the video game makers and instead sue the defective parents?

If you are amused that people are sick and screwed up... check this site out. And for good measure, here's a man who got battered by his wife. Husband abuse!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:45 AM

October 19, 2003

My life's philosophy

Arguably the pivoting point of my entire philosophy and
eschatology and everything that I am, summed up right here.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:40 AM

October 15, 2003

One Screwed Fellow!

Wow... this guy hates life. Wouldn't you love it if the media published your name and picture on the internet? Especially in a rabid city like Chicago.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:14 AM

October 13, 2003

Need WMD's!

*shoulders sag*

...so very, very tired... and I don't have the slightest clue why. Maybe it's just that I keep bottling up mental stress and putting it off to deal with a bit later and when I'm swamped with work on Mondays, it all comes crashing down. Or maybe I should just get a bit more sleep... hard to say.

*smacks self awake

On with the program...

Well, that chapel today was all kinds of special. Memo to people who disagree with chapel speakers: the proper way to voice your displeasure is NOT to stand up in the middle of chapel and say so. Even if the speaker is dead wrong and spouting heresy, you just won't get anywhere like that. However, in that vein, I figured it would be pertinent to share that my Mormon name is Johoshua Chevrollette, in case you were wondering.

I would also like to take this chance to thank Jared for pointing me in the right direction to find the little gem on the right (duplicated below):

Donate Weapons of Mass Destruction

Please find it in your heart to donate. The poor starving African children will thank you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:13 AM

October 12, 2003

Dante's Inferno!

This is just great.

And speaking of that sort of thing....

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful) Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous) Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very Low
Level 7 (Violent) High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) High
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:44 AM

October 06, 2003

Creative Use of Beer

I've been doing some pondering today, but in lieu of any forthcoming great conclusions... have a warped news story. Can't say as I approve of this use of beer, but whatever works.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:57 AM

October 02, 2003

Martinez: Best Emailer Ever!

This is the best end of an email ever:

(Please make checks payable to Adam Martinez; he is not responsible for lost or bounced checks, death of delivery persons, the common cold, Al Gore, call waiting, IT, Saga, [The Cynic] or anything he says, Rejected Cartoons, expired milk, pipe bombs, homework, anything stupid that the Guatemalan says *dodges hammer*, triple integrals, snipe hunts, exploitation of the working classes, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords, small rodents, killer rabbits, the French, Rigoberta Menchu, the Judge, Communism, rascalism, cronyism, nepotism, any-other-ism, the choreography and "Inspiration" of the white-robed order, "Blocked by LetNet", Miracle Baskets/Seed Faith, "fuzzy studies", happy quotes, references to pi, Moore's insatiable appetite for edible matter, or any offense you may have received from reading this paragraph. He is, however, completely responsible for various and sundry bad puns (and the occasional good one). As for the rest, blame Jared *dodges hammer again*.)

And the man is still resisting starting up a blog of his own. It's utter foolishness I tell you. Blame Jared.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:57 AM

October 01, 2003


We can all thank Wilson and Wheeler for their generous contributions to todays warped link: Maledicta Links. Maledicta is the self-defined repository of: "International Web Sites Specializing in Insults, Curses, Slang, Swearwords, Blasphemies, Slurs, Obscenities and Vulgarities." Amusing stuff.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:02 AM

September 29, 2003

Links and Quotes

Well here's another fun and exciting use of the USA Patriot Act. I really hate that thing...

And here's a wonderful quote from Moore: "I'm going to hold my tongue on this one because it's going to get around." Moore's tongue gets around. Special...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:24 AM

September 25, 2003

Fun Stuff!

You need to read Oral Roberts' A Daily Guide to Miracles! After all, it's provided so much joy and endless amusement to those of us who have, that I don't feel right holding out on the rest of you. It's all about seed faith and miracle baskets.

Incidentally, I have new disturbed linkage of the Bobbit variety. Blame Jared.

Carnage 1
Carnage 2
Carnage 3

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:23 AM

September 24, 2003

Wheeler is in!

Well... it would appear that another of the ranks is joining the LU Blogosphere. To be honest, I did do more than a little to help get Jared up and running.... but I'm sure he'll do just fine. As always, linking on the right reserved until his blog really gets underway.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:23 AM

Disturbed Links Aren't Dead!

And you thought I was giving up on disturbed links...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:15 AM

September 23, 2003

Word from Beyond the Bubble

Welcome to Aussieland. Screwed up...

Attack of the Geeks! If it weren't trying spin off of such a stupid show, I would be more apt to be amused...

And of course, a nice article on voter fraud courtesy of electronic voting machines. Oh great Council, your time is soon come.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:04 AM

September 21, 2003

Got Private Island?

Every now and again I get bored in the labs (big shock) and today I've been especially so. In light of that, I decided to do some bumming around and at the suggestion of Ziggy, started doing some research into buying my own private island. Not that I have the capital to do so or anything... but I just thought it would be cool.

Here's what I've figured out so far:

1) 99.9% of these islands aren't in the US (the very few even available in the US are in the possession of very happy owners)
2) the riskier the country, the cheaper the island (do you want to own property in the middle of a war zone?)
3) apparently, you can appeal to the safety of US protection as far away as halfway between Hawaii and Australia (US global dominance?)
4) amenities like modern construction, running water and power cost a lot extra
5) this isn't a market for anyone who isn't at least moderately wealthy
6) I want my own island

I really need to get back into a market where I can get ahold of the money necessary to get one of these islands.

Want a sample?

Here's a nice one.
Here's an even nicer (albeit much pricier) one.

Here's a place for the SC to set up shop and run continuing operations from.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:33 AM

September 17, 2003

Got SBC?

Look at this. If I could be an SBC customer, I would be. Here's their press release related to this.

The long and short story of this matter really is that there's a company who sees something to gain on a PR level from opposing the RIAA. Sure, it's a business and marketing maneuver, but if it manages to protect the privacy of consumers, it's fine by me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:08 AM

September 16, 2003

So Canada Doesn't Completely Suck...

Hey look while we were busy fending off the RIAA, Canada went and did something pretty sweet. Hey, I'd pay a levy on CD-R's if it meant I could freely file-share.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:12 PM

September 14, 2003

I'm not Dead!

It's not that I have less to say now than I did during the summer... I just have less time to say it in. As I indicated Friday, I have no lack of desire to write insulting narrative so much as I have a lack of the time required to do the justice that such self-expression deserves. I don't want to be producing third- and fourth-rate drivel like our own student newspaper seems wont to do of late. Anyways, that's more or less a status update: I'm not dead, just a bit out of touch. Stupid schoolwork.

On a more sadistic note: I find it amusing that these guys seem so upset at a taste of their own medicine. "Give and ye shall receive..."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:42 AM

September 09, 2003

Iron This!

Note to self: expensive air fares suck... but this solution isn't worth it. I mean, even economy class on cheap third-world airlines probably beats the accomodations that one can find in a box.

Or how about this nut (thanks Dunny) asking people to crack him over the head with a skateboard? What the hell is wrong with these people?

An amusing story:

On a Trans-Atlantic flight one of the plane's wings is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die!' she wails. Then she yells, 'Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??'

For a moment there is silence.

Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate creature in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. 'I can make you feel like a woman,' he says.

He's gorgeous. Tall, well built, with long flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

As he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, he whispers:

'Iron this.'

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:45 AM

September 07, 2003

Rage, Destruction, and Soap

So you want to destroy your computer? Check out this handy step-by-step guide. Dealing with homicidal rage and the aftermath of a violent shooting spree? Don't pay the penalty, sue someone instead.

And if you didn't think any of those were bad enough... go buy a bar of soap.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:48 AM

September 01, 2003

Kids Strike Back!

Here's an article for kids who are like I was. Parents trying to limit your computer time with technology? Show them who knows more.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:05 AM

August 29, 2003

Awesome T-Shirt

As soon as I have spare money to throw at something, I'm buying this t-shirt.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:39 AM

August 28, 2003

Egyptian Legal Department

Another odd link of the day, especially amusing to one Gecko. Thanks Shem.

You know, I hate math homework... especially when it's disguised as CS homework.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:29 AM

August 26, 2003

Boylovers Anonymous

Well, I've been hit or miss on the disturbed links of the day of late, but I think this one takes the cake. Sadly, I have confirmed the truth of this report, as the book can be found here.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:00 AM

August 24, 2003


It's jackasses like this who make me want to go start a giant forest fire somewhere. I mean, I'm all about the earth staying all nice and pretty and stuff, but this is ridiculous.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:16 AM

August 20, 2003

My Pants Vanished!

Quote of the Day: "Look! My pants just vanished! They were just there and now they're gone. I guess my pants just like to disappear. You saw me put them on, right?" - Toad

Disturbed Link of the Day: Crazy Animal Cracker on Ebay

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:06 AM

August 18, 2003

Texas Bigfoot

Usually someone sends me a disturbed link or points me to something and says "this is disturbed." But in this case, Daniel Dickerson told me, "Hey, check this out... they're holding a conference and I want to go to it."

So behold and be very afraid... and if you're interested, I will get you in contact with Daniel. I'm sure he'd like to go to this event with someone.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:03 AM

August 15, 2003

Artificial Diamonds

Check this article on Wired out... pretty interesting write-up on the possibility of quality man-made gems on the market at prices greatly reduced from that of those from the DeBeers monopoly.... not to mention the possibility of diamond electronics. And no, this isn't any sort of hint or announcement... just my nerdiness and the excitement I get at new electronics coming out again.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:31 AM

August 06, 2003

Fred Reed is My HERO!

I just ran by Randy's blog and from there was directed to Fred Reed's Fred on Everything. Fred is my new hero. He is my long-lost GodFather or something like that. I'm going back to read through all of the archives now. For those of you who were hoping that I wouldn't find anyone to feed my angst, cynicism and chauvinism, you just lost. Fred is also incredibly politically incorrect and quite amusing. Go read some of his columns... NOW!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:00 AM

July 31, 2003

Cancer for Idiots...

Yes, it's extremely poor taste, I know. And yes, I've had several family members suffer from and die from cancer, so I really don't want anyone bitching about how inconsiderate I am. Just read it for the humor value and for the great new idea it gives me for dealing with idiots. Just ask God (or Santa) to give them all cancer.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:14 AM

July 28, 2003

Gay School?

The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: The New York City School Board

I can't believe this. A school for all gays?!? Someone has gone off their rocker and into the deep end. So now if you're gay you get better treatment than the other children in the school district? I've been down in this part of the world, and the schools suck. So now they have a gay magnet school so they can have some good PR for successful gay students? This is ridiculous.

And just on a side note, it would appear that blogger's date/time system is all jacked up.

Disturbed Link of the Day: Beer for the Homeless

Days Until I'm Back at School: 4
Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 34 and holding
Days Until Summer is Over: 26
Days Since it Last Rained : who cares?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:46 PM

July 18, 2003

Which Nerd are You?

Which one of these are you?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:20 PM

July 17, 2003

Odd Little Game

Check this odd little game out.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:59 AM

July 15, 2003

Trying to Wake Up...

I don't know what's gotten into me, but it seems as though I need more and more sleep of late. Last night i went to bed around 12:30 and got up at 10. This is after 4 or 5 days of getting 8+ hours of sleep. I hope I'm not turning into the narcaleptic Gecko.

Here's something to amuse you as I head off to work... it seemed to be the kind of comic that befits a man of my outlook on life.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:29 AM

July 14, 2003

Got Wench?

Alright, so I've had this great idea for a long time and I think I can now manage to afford it and set it up using Brunetto T-Shirts.

The general gist of the idea is to make a t-shirt with "Got wench?" printed on the front of it in the same font of the "Got milk?" ads. Now all I need to do is dig up the font and do some sampling with it to figure out how I'd like it to look. Incidentally, minimum order is 10 and while I'd love to have 10 of these shirts, the cost might be a bit much. It's looking like the cost per shirt will be under $10, so if you're interested in getting in on some of these wonderful shirts, let me know.

A note on the disturbed link: at first glance the page just looks a tad odd, not disturbed. But take a closer look and you'll realized that just about every frog looks smacked out of his respective mind and there are also several products that could easily double as shot-glasses and bongs.

Disturbed Link of the Day: Lilly Pad Store

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 30
Days Until Summer is Over: 40
Days Since it Last Rained : 1

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:54 AM

Limbaugh on NFL Countdown?

Rush on NFL Countdown?

I love Rush as much as the next conservative and I love football as much as any other red-blooded American and while I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a publicity stunt, it will at least be interesting.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:46 AM

July 13, 2003


You may now bow before your Geek-Lord.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:23 AM

July 12, 2003

LU's Warped Links

Reading up on some LU Blogs, the need to do this overcame me.

Homegrown warped links:

The Brit's Famous Ass
Airplane Porn

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:24 AM

July 11, 2003

It's Late... But It's Here!

Well... I'm back late again, but before I sleep I guess I'll do the disturbed link... I can't let down the peoples.

Disturbed Link of the Day: It's Raining Electronics

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 26
Days Until Summer is Over: 44
Days Since it Last Rained : 1

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:55 PM

July 10, 2003

Two Warped Links!

You'll note that due to my late return to my apartment last night, you were deprived of yesterday's link of the day. Fear not, you will get two this morning to make up for it and then the usual this evening. Oh, and Edge weekend is this weekend for those of you who care about such things.

Disturbed Links of the Day:
A class I wish LU offered
Topic for a new Honors history elective

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 25
Days Until Summer is Over: 44
Days Since it Last Rained : 0

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:32 AM

July 08, 2003

Disturbed Links for All!

It would appear that Wilson has taken to posting disturbed links on his own now. Hey, more disturbed links are better. Even Ardith got in on the action the other day. This pleases me and makes me happy... in a sick and sadistic kind of way.

Note: Blogger perma-links are kinda screwy... the post referenced should appear at the very top of your browser window.

Before someone beats me to the punch on Hulk...

Disturbed Link of the Day: Hulk Doll upsets parents

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 24
Days Until Summer is Over: 45
Days Since it Last Rained : 0

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:09 AM

July 07, 2003

Call Me Happy Again...

To end off the evening... I've been accused of being some variety of happy of late. You people have pushed me to the limit. Feel the wrath of the Cynic with three disturbed links:

Link 1 (blocked)
Link 2 (blocked)
Link 3

You may only continue to call me happy after linking and exploring the above

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 23
Days Until Summer is Over: 46
Days Since it Last Rained : 0

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:37 AM

Stalkers are My Friends

It strikes me that it's been a while since I've linked up a comic. And this one seems to be about right.

The scariest thing about this is that I have more friends like Mike than I care to admit. Granted, I would have killed Kharisma (or given her advise to step out in front of a car) years ago, but I would probably also encourage Mike to keep stalking her. I guess I'm just a cruel individual who would take a stalker for a friend over a self-absorbed (albeit good-looking) wench any day.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:07 AM

July 06, 2003

Linking Fun...

Well it looks like the Maria J pastel eyesore is no more. Behold... the new Maria J blog.

Update: allegedly Maria is discontinuing this new blog as well... right after I went to the effort to link it too. Go figure.

Anyways, down to the data of the day... and to make up for the disturbed link of the other day I would even recommend this link to people like Anna.

Disturbed Link of the Day: Star Spangled Ice Cream

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 22
Days Until Summer is Over: 47
Days Since it Last Rained : 0

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:25 AM

July 05, 2003

Which LU Prof Are You?

I really do hate polls. I especially hate polls where I end up with the same result as the guy I took them from. Not that this poll isn't rigged so that 2/7 of the answers aren't ever going to be used (I mean, who really wants to be Otwell or Batts) but still... the accompanying pictures and text are really good. You should go check them out.

Which LeTourneau Professor Are You?

You are Dr. Woodring!!!
Dr. Andy Woodring, Biblical Studies

brought to you by Quizilla

Thank you for spending the time on putting the fun pictures together and doing up the quiz Shem.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:59 AM

June 29, 2003

Best T-Shirt Ever...

Sadly, this t-shirt site is blocked. But if you can get to it, it contains the best t-shirt ever...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:51 AM

June 27, 2003

I am Agent Smith!

Another of those things where I usually don't post quizzes. But I like the thought of being Agent Smith... it fits somehow.

What Matrix Persona Are You?

You are Agent Smith-

You are Agent Smith, from "The Matrix."
No one would ever want to run into you in a
dark alley. Cold as steel, tough as a rock,
things are your way or the highway.

brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:47 AM

June 24, 2003

Own Software?

I think this pretty much sums up things for myself and some of my friends.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:53 AM

June 20, 2003

Nuked Another Post!

DAMMIT!!! I nuked another post. If someone has it, let me know.

Orrin Hatch is a hypocritical bastard.

Disturbed link of the Day: Some Typical Egyptians (according to Gecko)

Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 6
Days Until Summer is Over: 63

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:26 AM

June 19, 2003

Lemonade Nazis

There's something fundamentally wrong with this. I'm a heartless sadistic bastard, and I wouldn't call the cops on a little girl and her lemonade stand like that. Go see for yourself.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:18 AM

June 18, 2003

Hello There...

Some wenches I know have noted/been slightly upset about guys' tendancy to do this. I would probably fall into the category of those infrequently guilty of this. Sadly, my problem is usually that a wench has something written on her shirt or something odd on it. I just can't resist reading things. It's like Wisher and shiny objects... my attention is inevitably drawn to them. And thus I'm probably known by at least one wench somewhere as a pervert... go figure. That would be the story of my life.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:00 PM

Poor Gecko...

I saw this and thought of Gecko.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:46 AM

June 17, 2003

Torture Them to Death!

Usually I don't hold to quizzes, especially low-quality ones. In fact, I believe that this is the first one I've linked up... not because of quality (it sucks) or because of most of the options (they suck too), but because the outcome suits me so well...

How would you kill someone

You would make them suffer

brought to you by Quizilla

I might actually stab someone or run them through with a sword, but this is where the true sadist in me comes out...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:38 AM

June 12, 2003

Just Wrong...

Here's a comic that I figured would probably rank as all kinds of wrong and hurt the minds of the weak among you. In fact, I figured it probably shouldn't be posted as such. Therefore, I warn you here that it's not graphically offensive, but it might hurt your little brains. Oh yeah, and it's from S*P...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:40 AM

On Children...

After discussions with Lisl about children, comics like this always seem appropriate.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:38 AM

June 09, 2003

Shannon's Literary Mess

Shannon's Literary Train Wreck... wow... my eyes hurt.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:29 AM

June 07, 2003

Got Photo ID?

Looks like that nutty convert to Islam from Florida has to take off her veil for the camera to get her driver's license back. Am I the only one out here who thinks the case for this was completely absurd? Think about the sheer number of people whom I could impersonate if the only thing we had on our photo ID's was a pair of eyes. Not to mention those of you who are of normal stature. What good is a photo id if the photo serves no purpose. Hell, why not sue them for the right to put your pet's photo on the ID while you're at it?

I can almost see a shred of validity in not wanting to get the picture taken on religious grounds, if you weren't already toting around a criminal record. If child welfare workers have deemed you unfit to raise children and have taken yours from you, that is a problem. Even bigger than this (though the ACLU adamantly denies this is a valid concern) is the fact that this ruling sets a precedent. Thankfully, it sets a good one rather than allowing one to essentially not have a picture on a valid picture id. Hey Wilson, wanna play identity swap?

Incidentally, here's a list of ID rules in several Muslim countries relating to driver's licenses:

Saudi Arabia: Women aren`t allowed to drive
Iran: Women wear a traditional chador, which does not cover the face.
Egypt: Women do not cover their face in I.D. pictures
United Arab Emirates: Women do not cover their face in I.D. pictures
Oman: Women do not cover their face in I.D. pictures
Kuwait: Women do not cover their face in I.D. pictures
Qatar: Women do not cover their face in I.D. pictures
Bahrain: Women do not cover their face in I.D. pictures
Jordan: Women can drive if their faces are covered but do not cover their face in I.D. pictures

Short of the Saudi Arabian solution, I'm guessing we're not exactly breaking with any Muslim countries. Not that I wouldn't accept the Saudi solution, mind you...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:12 AM

June 06, 2003

I Want This Job!

I want his job.

And Gecko wishes he was friends with this crab.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:27 AM

June 04, 2003

Martha Stewart Indicted!

Martha Stewart Indicted!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:00 AM

June 02, 2003

Dressing Up Animals...

Glad to see that S*P agrees with me on the whole dressing animals up thing.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:07 AM

Fun for Everyone

Here's something for the crackhead...

The Gecko Man

And here's something to get Sam in trouble...

"Stupid thing to assume for the day, your woman will understand." - Sam Daimwood

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:56 AM

May 30, 2003

No More Bill... Please

Here's something I'm praying will never happen. Just think, another 8 years of Bill Clinton.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:03 AM

May 28, 2003

One of Those Days

Ever had one of those days? Today wasn't one of them for me, hopefully it wasn't one for you either.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:57 AM

May 27, 2003

Tests are Evil!

I've been out looking for screwy links so that I can have some more for tomorrow. In the process I found something special: a site dedicated to the ruining of Britney Spears posters. Check it out.

In other news, apparently Florida minorities feel that if they fail a test at a disproportionate percentage, said test is evil. I don't buy it... but then again, I apparently have no heart in such matters.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:58 AM

Feminists Will Love This...

It may be photoshopped... but I don't care.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:32 AM

Would You?

I wouldn't.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:51 AM

May 25, 2003

American History 101

Found this at expectnothing.com and it amused me:

American History 101

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let`s begin by reviewing some American history.

"Who said, `Give me Liberty or give me Death` ?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki`s

"Patrick Henry 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said `...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth`?"

Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Suzuki raised his hand: "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point a student said, "I`m gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?"

Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I`ll kill you."

Suzuki yells, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.

One of the kids says, "Oh shit, we`re in BIG trouble!"

Suzuki says, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:26 AM

May 24, 2003

D&D Comic!

Every now and again, Something Positive has a poignant comic on D&D. Here's another good one.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:52 AM

May 21, 2003

Bachelor Party

Some interesting things are coming down the pipe related to housing from a variety of sources. If you know anything or have heard any interesting rumors, let me know.

Screwy link of the day: Bachelor Party

Days Since Last Fire Alarm: 3
Days of Living in a Shitty Dorm: 16
Days Until Summer is Over: 93

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:00 AM

May 20, 2003

Skipping Work...

Here's an interesting article on The Hill. If you skipped this much class, most teachers would fail you outright. Good stuff.

Days Since Last Fire Alarm: 2
Days of Living in a Shitty Dorm: 15
Days Until Summer is Over: 94

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:36 AM

May 18, 2003

Tired of Abuse?

Tired of getting abused by LU? Have a sneaking suspicion that your rights are being trampled by Doug and Bud? Want to do something about it?

Go order the FIRE Guides and read up on your rights and what you can do about LeTourneau's abuse of them.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:36 AM

May 16, 2003

Tips for a Slacker Pro

Incidentally, the Wall Street Journal is now giving tips on how to be a slacker if you're not as good at it as some of us professionals.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:33 AM

April 28, 2003

Solid Advice from PVP

Here's an interesting comic that a friend of mine pointed me towards... Sounds like good solid advice to me... provided by the good people at PVP

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:38 AM

April 23, 2003

Sexual Harassment

The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: People Who See Sexual Harassment Under Every Rock

Here's a comict that pretty well sums up how I feel about 99% of sexual harassment claims.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:17 PM

April 22, 2003

The World Beyond...

I finally got out from under my monstrousity of work today. This will mark roughly a month since I crawled all of the various blogs out there. And boy is it interesting...

First off, I'd like to give a belated welcome to Randy... a fellow Honors cohort. His blog is good stuff, and it's obviously a plus that he links to S*P.

After reading up on Shem's blog and keeping up with the whole "Voice of Student Body" aka Local Village Idiot, all I have to say is that people are retarded. And if you go spamming someone's blog and then go post under your real name on a board where he admins, you ought to avoid using the same computer with the same IP... jackass.

Next, we have the wannabe computer wench... who has apparently decided that I am on the list with evil incarnate. That's fine by me, but apparently she also objects to my prosletyzing the younger honors students and is plotting my death. So I think we're directing pipe bombs to CPO #357 along with letters laced with anthrax powder and money infected with SARS. Anything beneficial should just be delivered to me in person. Incidentally, I think she's getting relocated to the Angsty Links after the past couple weeks' displays.

Apparently Dunny is coming up when people are looking for "Got SARS?" shirts and naked Belgians. Or something... And Squeech is reporting weird news and linking rants on the RIAA. And something about injecting your eye. Tom's living the good life now that he's out of school and is bragging about getting to watch hockey and poker championships whilst sipping a cold beer. I'm figuring that might just be the life... and I think a buddy of mine would agree. And to top it off, Stu's figured out that LU wenches are evil.

And I think that's about all that's going on with the blogs I have linked...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:50 PM

Underage Pick-up Spot

In the vein of C-4's unending obsession with 16-year-old girls who are of the age of consent in the screwed up state of Oklahoma where he is from, he's asked me to further his obsession by drawing other readers in. This is apparently where one goes online to pick up wenches from C-4's home town of Lawton, OK.

Screwed up...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:45 AM

April 21, 2003

Blogging Saved Him...

You want a crazy story about a guy whose blogging saved his from trouble? Try the New Girl story. Incidentally, AccordionGuy runs a pretty cool blog.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:33 AM

April 12, 2003

Section 5.2.2

Incidentally, this evening we found the 10-minute rule officially printed in a LU Policy document. Talk to me in person for more details or see section 5.2.2 of the Faculty-Staff Handbook.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:17 AM

April 08, 2003

My Thoughts on Life

I think this comic pretty much sums up my thoughts on life.

Comic Provided by: Something Positive

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:18 AM

Something Positive!

I didn't go to chapel today, I kinda wish I would have... except that I really needed sleep.

I stayed up all night reading Something Positive... note: this comic could really warp and scar you. Don't read unless you think you can take it. If I've ever referred to you as a happy person, DON'T READ IT!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:11 AM

March 20, 2003

Gary Has a Live Journal

An old Bandit friend Gary has had a blog for a while and I'm just now getting to publishing it. Sorry dude...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:57 AM

March 14, 2003

Bad Leaders

The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Bad Leaders

Here's a passage in Amos that I just remembered as I was about to go to bed. Seems to speak pretty clearly about Shem's predicament...

Then Amaziah the priest of Bethel sent a message to Jeroboam king of Israel: "Amos is raising a comspiracy against you in the very heart of Israel. The land cannot bear all his words. For this is what Amos is saying:

"'Jereboam will die by the sword
and Israel will surely go into exile,
away from their native land.'"

Then Amaziah said to Amos, "Get out, you seer! Go back to the land of Judah. Earn your bread there and do your prophesying there. Don't prophesy anymore at Bethel, because this is the king's sanctuary and the temple of the kingdom."

Amos answered Amaziah, "I was neither a prophet nor a prophet's son, but I was a shepherd, and I also took care of sycamore-fig trees. But the Lord took me from tending the flock and said to me, 'Go, prophesy to my people Israel.' Now then, hear the word of the Lord. You say,
"'Do not prophesy against Israel,
and stop preaching against the house of Isaac.'

Therefore this is what the Lord says:

'Your wife will become a prostitute in the city,
and your sons and daughters will fall by the sword.
Your land will be measured and divided up,
and you yourself will die in a pagan country.
And Israel will certainly go into exile,
away from their native land'"

Amos 7:10-17 (NIV)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:01 AM

March 08, 2003


Here's an amusing link... puts a smile on my face.

Update: link is broken... will put up proper link as soon as I can find it again.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:14 AM

March 04, 2003

Bigot Listing

The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Hateful Bigots

Uh-oh... it's link time. List of Bigoted Organization Links.
Pensacola Christian College
God Hates Fags
The Ku Klux Klan
...more to come as links are submitted or as I think of them.

Oddly enough, the KKK ISN'T blocked.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:35 AM

March 03, 2003

Things That Scare Me

This scares the shit out of me. And it's scarier that there are some guys at LU that are so infatuated and so disconnected from their brains that they would do something like this before even realizing what they were doing.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:58 AM

March 02, 2003

Enter Anna and Ardith

It would appear that Shem's whining and ranting has managed to dragoon Ardith and Anna into blogging. Sadly, they're both so damned happy that it's painful to read. Maybe we can tarnish their happy, sunny outlook on life and bring them to the Angst.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:04 AM

February 25, 2003

On the Topic of Effort

And here's someone who's making put forth effort. I'm not sure which category to put Cowboy in. Maybe I should make a category for Bandits, because they seem to be the hardest to classify. Tom was whining the other day about how he's not really happy or angsty. He would be angsty if he was still here, but he got out... so I guess I'm gonna have to do something about that.

Dammnit Cowboy, you're making me do work!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:35 AM