July 31, 2004

A Painful Experience

So I got up around noon today, and logged on to IM. Lo and behold, the Wench had beaten be out of bed (a rare thing for her on a Saturday) and was making rumblings about going clothing shopping.

I said to myself, "Self, I hope she enjoys her forray into the hellacious realm of clothing retailers."

Then she informed me that she only needed one pair of jeans and wanted to know if I would come along. Fully aware that this might be a tad unconfortable on my part, I agreed on the terms that she would accompany me out to lunch.

What followed would be kindly termed an educational experience as I spent a half an hour wandering J.C. Penny's as Anna searched for a pair of jeans. As an aside, I would note at this juncture that guys' jeans are miraculously simple to search for with two numbers representing the waist and length measurements and holding to that universal standard. For the guys out there who are as ignorant as I was, womens' jeans are a size (0-20something) with a short, medium, long and extra tall measurement (there might be even more.) I'm just happy that retailers understand that guys hate shopping for things in on vague terms and use a universal metric.

Oh... and Anna also succumbed to the womanly vice and found 2x as many purchases outside of the scope of the original shopping venture, which is to say that we came in search of jeans and left with some sort of terrycloth robe thingee and a velcro thingee... or something like that.

All that to say is that I'm glad that I'm a guy and am proud to claim all of the shopping privileges and exemptions included in the package. Oh, and I'm advocating that someone put an arcade or something in those stores for guys who have to wait for their wenches.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:59 PM | TrackBack

July 30, 2004

Blame Canada

Just when you thought the RIAA was the biggest pain in the posterior imaginable, their Canadian counterparts do something just so plain idiotic as to force you to admire the restraint of the RIAA.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:47 AM | TrackBack

July 29, 2004

Rudely Awakened...

There was just a whisper of light breathing through the dark windows, so it must have been about 6 a.m. I was absently smiling and congratulating myself that the temperature had just reached the point that my blanket would be comfortable. Thus, I grasped in idle happiness at my comforter and made some half-hearted gestures to tug it from where it was wedged on the bedside and thus benefit from the joy of a bit of added warmth. Bear with me, the details are fuzzy and rather abstract up until this point.

All of a sudden I heard a small grunt and felt the entire bed shake, followed almost immediately by a thud and a crash on the floor. Leaning over the edge of my bunk, I saw Jared dangling from his bed below, feet still tangled in sheets and looking a tad dazed on the floor.

"Hey Jared, are you okay?" I asked, attempting compassion.

"Uh... yeah..." Jared replied, stumbling to his feet and turning on the desk lamp.

That bit of courtesy aside, I began cracking up laughing. It was early, and Jared had just fallen from bed. Considering the hour, it's a miracle I didn't fall out fo bed myself.

"Ah! It was that damned blanket of yours! I thought it was a rodent crawling on my back!" Jared accused.

I laughed harder as Jared sullenly killed the light and crawled back into bed. That was worth being drawn awake for.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:26 PM | TrackBack

July 28, 2004

MS Does Apples

In a veritable storm of applications, Microsoft apparently filed for a patent of a new variety of apple tree. Sources are saying it's probably an accident, but you never know.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:50 PM | TrackBack

July 27, 2004

Still Alive...

Yes, I know I've kind of been off the radar screen for the past couple of days. I've been rather busy watching movies and reading. I'll attempt to make a couple more substantive posts tomorrow at break.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:33 PM | TrackBack

July 24, 2004

Terrorizing Telemarketers

The things that people with too much time on their hands do to telemarketers who call...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:35 PM | TrackBack

July 23, 2004

Just Pass Water...

... even dirty water or piss will do to make these dehydrated meals edible.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:33 PM | TrackBack

Military Perks

Just in case you're female and thinking about joining the military... here's another good reason for some of you.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:45 AM | TrackBack

July 22, 2004

Today ResLife Doesn't Suck

THIS IS THE REAL IMPORTANT PART OF THIS MESSAGE: Due to approximately 50 interrelated factors, the decision has been made NOT TO MOVE YOU OUT OF THE APARTMENTS ON AUGUST 1. In other words, everything is exactly as it was before this soap opera began (as far as Summer Housing goes).

Have I mentioned lately that Steve is the best RD in the whole world? Because I should have...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:58 PM | TrackBack

July 21, 2004

Movie Update

Because I haven't been a very good poster lately, here's a new updated version of my movie listings. As you can see, I've been a bit busy to watch movies as well.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:01 PM | TrackBack

July 19, 2004

Lying Bastards

Dear summer residents,

We have some details concerning the transition out of summer housing into fall housing. Due to our need to complete a thorough cleaning of the Honors apartments, we will need to make that space available to Facilities Services to prepare the apartments for the fall semester.

If you are living in Honors housing or Carpenter house for the fall semester, you will need to move to the Trinity halls on August 1st and then will transition back into your fall housing assignment on August 18th. We will be providing your housing assignment for that two week period in the Trinity halls. Women will be housed in ELH and men will be housed in Mabee hall.

If you are living in any housing assignment other then the apartments or Carpenter, you will make the move to your fall housing assignment on August 1st to accommodate shampooing and waxing the Honors Apts.

Yeah... so what they're saying is that they hate us. What makes it worse is that we were told by ResLife that we would be delaying the move down to the apartments in order that they could be cleaned sufficiently for us to move in permanently for the year. Sadly, this is apparently not the case and assurances by Residence Life that we would be undisturbed by multiple moves this summer have turned out to be lies.

It all boils down to this: is LeTourneau willing to treat its students with some respect and courtesy regarding this and forego the extensive carpet/floor cleaning this year, or are they going to be lying bastards and inconvenience us all? It must be nice to be Brad Bowser and be able to demand this without any sort of personal rammifications.

We understand that this is new information and we apologize for the inconvenience of an extra move this summer. We would like to offer you a time to talk with Stephen and myself on Thursday evening at 10pm at the village center about any questions you may have about this move. If you have questions before this meeting time, please feel free to email Stephen or myself with those and we will try to get back with you as soon as possible. Please understand that this is not our first choice by any stretch of the imagination but it has become the only option that we can find to make sure that the apartments are ready for the fall semester.

So yeah... Thursday they can expect to hear back from us. At this point I would like suggestions from the masses as far as reaching my goals go. The goals are something like this:

1) Avoid moving
2) Failing #1, get financial compensation or rent cancellation
3) Failing #1, garner assistance from ResLife in the moving process

I guess I'm just so depressed that I know most of LU admin doesn't care enough to do anything about this other than screw us over and that they'll never even consider going out of their way to help us out. That's just how LU is.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:04 PM | TrackBack

July 17, 2004

In California

So I flew into LAX last night and spent some time wandering and waiting around the airport due to some bad information related to Stu's arrival gate. After we got Stu, we went to In-and-Out Burger and then got Yuill's flight. Subsequent to Yuill's arrival, we proceeded to Dollar Rent-a-Car where we stood in the infinitely long line of doom. After we finished the waiting and the renting, we drve back to Toad's pad in Camarillo. Following was fairly amusing conversation between the lot of us that lasted until bedtime at about 2 am local time.

This morning, there was much getting up late followed by breakfast, more bumming around, the arrival of Ziggy and Toad's friend Daniel, and eventually lunch. Lunch was at little pizza place called Topper's and was followed by much bumming around, until we finally were picked up to get our tuxes sized a bit late. Of course, as any good procrastinator knows, lateness compounds and it was thus that we arrived at the rehearsal very late.

Fortunately, even though we were late, the rehearsal was scheduled to be very long and we thusly ended up on time to the rehearsal dinner and actually ended up with time to spare. Rehearsal dinner was wonderful Chinese food and we then proceeded to Toad's pad... where we currently watch a movie and enjoy ourselves.

At this point I would like to note that while I typically enjoy bumming around, today's bumming was atypical and frustrating. Typically, bumming is done of my own choosing and I thusly am pleased by my option. Today, my bumming was of someone else's choosing and due to complications with wedding planning and the like. And while I mostly enjoyed it, I was reminded that I am an anal-retentive control freak. In the future, I will be sure to bum because I want to rather than because of circumstances beyond my control...

Now the wedding is tomorrow and I need sleep and stuff... I'll keep you posted.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:57 AM | TrackBack

July 16, 2004

Heard in Preparation...

Toad: (Points to Cynic) You're walking with Alison, (Points to Jeff) you're walking with Melanie, (Points to Stu) I don't know who you're walking with.
Stu: Is she hot?

Toad: All but two of the bridesmaids are under 18.
Jeff: Where is C-4? This is his kind of get-together.

"I know my sister is hot!" - Stu

"My sister's not hot yet..." - Ziggy

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:21 PM | TrackBack

July 15, 2004

As I Pack Again...

After having a charming lunch with Ardith, Anna, Wheeler and Heather, it is time that I pack for yet another trip. This time I'm going out to California to be a groomsman in Toad's wedding. Should be fun times and I will get to see some good friends of mine whom I've been missing. I will attempt to keep everyone posted while I'm gone, but failing that I'll update when I return on Monday.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:49 PM | TrackBack


"I keep hearing sex!" -Lily

"I could stand for some gay flowery towels about now..." -Wheeler

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:48 AM | TrackBack

July 14, 2004

Loathing Work

If you give me a whole summer, I will find a way to develop a dislike for the job I work for that summer. If given a job that is easy to dislike and/or that I have already worked before, that dislike will blossom and grow into full-fledged hatred. We are about reaching that hatred point at paint crew. Happily, I am going on a long weekend to attempt to forget this hatred by next week.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:32 PM | TrackBack

July 13, 2004

Thinking in Camelot

"Never be too disturbed if you can't understand what a woman is thinking. They don't do it very often."
-Merlin in Camelot (the 1967 musical)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:03 PM | TrackBack

July 12, 2004


"It will have been a month by the time a month has gone by..."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:25 PM | TrackBack

July 11, 2004

On Food

I would just like to take a moment to thank the lovely ladies who have been cooking for Jared and me over this summer. It has been a delicious and very healthy summer and we will be sad to go back to Saga in the fall.

This evening's delight of blueberry pancakes as cooked by Ardith with fresh blueberries picked by Anna and me last night was a particular treat. It's been a while since I've had any that good and I think the same could be true for most of the meals that we've had this summer. I can't think of a better way to eat away from mom then with the cooking of these lovely ladies and I would like to thank them for making this summer such a memorable experience.

Oh... and for the official record to all detractors, Ardith can indeed cook and she does so very well (and she crochets a mean tea-doily as well... quite the domestic female figure she's going to make.)

I guess that inspires me to say one more thing for Ardith's benefit:
"Go on, make like a housewife!" -Raymond Shaw in The Manchurian Candidate

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:29 PM | TrackBack

How To Stalk Me

One of the more bizarre things I have found online is this individual's guide of how to stalk him. Entertaining and clean...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:26 AM | TrackBack

July 10, 2004

Bonjour Monsieur

Very warped flash animation in French...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:27 PM | TrackBack

July 09, 2004

Ardith is Popular

More Proof

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:20 PM | TrackBack

July 08, 2004

The Camel

As is our custom once a week, the crew went out to dinner tonight. Unlike usual, we went out on Thursday instead of Wednesday due to some culinary oversights on Anna's part last night... but it was all good as we departed for Joe's tonight... even if we did get off a touch late due to some miscommunication.

As we travelled, it was remarked that Ardith is becoming quite popular. She disbelieves this notion... so I'd like you to help her find out by IM-ing her and telling her if you have her IM and emailing her if you don't. But I digress...

Upon arriving at Joe's, we recalled that the place gets a bit crowded around 6, but given a short wait we were seated. Without having to be informed, the waittress knew that I would require a Coke (now that's service.) Apparently I have a bit of notoriety, because on my first refill, I was given a full pitcher of Coke to accompany my now-brimming glass. Short of a couple sips from Anna, I finished the entirety of said pitcher along with my two glasses. Yeah... now I'm buzzing sugar like crazy and have had to pee several times this evening. Oh yeah, the pizza rocked as well (Jared and I saved half of it due to Saga not being open this week and us not having much time with which to make and consume lunch.)

Long story short... um... come to Joe's with us. We have fun, the staff knows us, and I get lots of Coke!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:32 PM | TrackBack

July 07, 2004

Hands OFF!

No Hillary, you may not "take things away from [me] on behalf of the common good."

Keep your hands off of my things!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:39 PM | TrackBack

Pee Standing Up

Attention women: do you want to pee standing up too? I've found a tutorial which might tell you how. I was rather disturbed by it and didn't really read it, don't know if it works, and honestly don't want to. So why don't one of you go look it over and tell me what you think.

note: I believe that this is the first time that my warped link has disturbed me... thanks Jared.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:55 AM | TrackBack

Advertising Outtakes

I'm going to warn you... this will offend most of you. View at your own risk: the Winnebago Man.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:46 AM | TrackBack

July 06, 2004

Rocky the Leprechaun

I know I've told some of you about how I found the references to "Rocky the Leprechaun" when I was in CO. I just did a search and it turns out his name is "Rocky Rainbow" and he's the self-acclaimed official Leprechaun of Colorado. I am sending emmissaries as we speak.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:57 PM | TrackBack

July 05, 2004

Leprechaun Edition

Just because I knew you'd want to see the Men In Hats with a Leprechaun Theme.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:04 PM | TrackBack

As Relayed by Tim...

God made wood, Man made cheese,
Woman will make children if you just say please.

-Sean Cullen

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:31 AM | TrackBack

Your Town Sucks

So on our long trek back from Lake City, we had an idea as we hit the DFW area. Actually, it started when we got turned around on one of those damned Ft. Worth roads and Eric stated in frustration, "I need to send the mayor of Fort Worth a post card that says 'I hate your town.'"

This started the wheels of my mind turning and I have come to this conclusion: we should pick 25 or 50 towns that we think suck and figure out who we should send post-cards to that say something like "Your town is the most worthless place in the world." We also need to put a return address on them so that we can get a response, and then we wait and see what happens. I'm more than willing to go in with others, if we can get some more participants. But right now, I need towns.

Here's what we have so far: (note: not all of these were suggested by me)

Longview, TX
Newark, NJ
Arroyo Seco, NM
Fort Worth, TX
Mount Enterprise, TX
Marshall, TX
Jonesville, NY
Hamilton, OH
Miamisburg, OH
Oxnard, CA
El Paso, TX
Mobile, AL
Baton Rouge, LA
Wheeling, WV

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:16 AM | TrackBack

July 04, 2004

Back in Town

So yeah...

I am tired and going to sleep now. But when I get up, I will tell you all more of my life and adventures in CO over the last week.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:06 AM | TrackBack

July 03, 2004

Long Way Home (Day 2)

After a terribly long day yesterday, we got up bright and early this morning in an attempt to figure out what to do in order that we might make it home today. To that end, we held a discussion at breakfast with the four extremely interested parties as well as Amanda's grandparents. In the end we came up with three possible solutions:
1) Get the Blazer's transmission fixed
2) Leave the Blazer unfixed for now
3) Sell the Blazer and buy a Suburban

Essentially, our situation was such that we probably couldn't get back to Grapeland (if you made a triangle of Houston, Dallas, and Longview, Grapeland would be essentially at the middle.) To that end, Amanda's grandparents graciously offered to allow us to borrow their van to drive home if we exercised either option 1 or 2. Theoretically we could have driven the Blazer the 8-9 hours back to Grapeland, but the odds were good that we wouldn't have made it. Finally, Eric and Amanda had been talking about selling their Blazer and buying a Suburban for quite some time and this seemed the ideal time to do it if possible.

With all of this in mind, it was decided to set out to the car dealership and see what could be done with the Blazer. This decision was magnified when a nice 4WD Suburban was located costing $7800... quite a good deal and exactly the variety Eric and Amanda wanted. After a test drive there was copious negotiating and haggling and whatnot. At one point Eric and I were left to sit and talk with the car salesman whilst the rest of the crew went to check some other dealerships. Shortly after all of this, a very good deal came down the pipes and Amanda's grandparents offered to help out with the down payment and so it came to be that at 12.30 we had left the Blazer at Plains Chevrolet and drove away in a bright red Suburban.

After all of this hoopla, we headed back to Amanda's grandparents' house to have lunch before heading out. It is here that I must take another aside and tell you a bit about Amanda's grandmother. You know those people who simply cannot resist sales and must buy anything that is selling for a good deal? Well, Amanda's grandmother is like that with grocery stores: if food is on sale for cheap, she will go to said store and buy said food... regardless of need. Bearing this in mind, Amanda's grandmother was quite pleased to see us upgraded from a Blazer to a Suburban and crammed the back of the Suburban with 3 or 4 copy-paper boxes of food as well as two full ice chests. By the time we ate and headed out at 1.30, the car was stuffed to the gills and we still had a 8.5-9 hour drive ahead of us.

Fortunately, the roads were generally clear... surprisingly so considering that we were driving on Saturday of the 4th of July Weekend. Making good time, we hit Braum's for dinner in Decatur and had wonderful burgers and glorious ice cream. Following this, we made the fateful trek into Dallas-Fort Worth where we got sidetracked yet again courtesy of confusing road junctions. Happily, we slipped out of the DFW area and made it back to Eric and Amanda's around 10.30. Sadly, this was not the end for us... and after unloading and reloading into Anna's 4-Runner we set off for Longview at 11.

Up until this point the roads had been fairly clear of pulled-over vehicles... but that all changed as we headed out. We saw probably 9 or 10 individuals pulled over, most doing field sobriety tests as we passed. I also called in a Mercury Cougar who was drunkenly driving along ahead of us as we neared Palestine. Hopefully someone got him before he did something really stupid. As we pulled in at 1.15 or so, I happily unloaded the car and greeted my port of origin. It has been a long and enjoyable week, but I'm glad to be staying put for a while.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:59 PM | TrackBack

July 02, 2004

Long Way Home (Day 1)

We started out this morning with every good intention at leaving Lake City at 8 am... at which point we were sitting around the table in Anna's parents' house eating eggs. But we really did get on the road at 8.15 (Mountain Daylight Savings Time) and started the trek out of the mountains.

Several hours later, we passed through the bizarre little town of Chama, we stopped off at a gift shop where we ended up spending 45 minutes browsing around looking at antiques, knick-knacks, t-shirts, indian blankets, and the stuff in the pawn shop next door. Guh... so now we're an hour behind. I would take this time to point out that the trip from Lake City (where we were) to Amarillo (where we stay between Lake City and Longview) is typically about 8 hours. However, Anna's brother and sister-in-law are looking at taking a youth group skiing in Taos, New Mexico and wanted to go through said town to look into lodging, which entails 3-4 extra hours of driving... but I get ahead of myself.

After Chama, we proceeded to drive through the mountains of New Mexico and across some rather barren desert-esque mesas until we arrived in the town of Taos at about 1 PM (MDST.) Back at the pawn shop, one of the workers had recommended Michael's Kitchen and thus we stopped there for lunch. Holy crap... that is the best Mexican food I have had in a very long time and quite possibly the best sopapillas that I have ever had. Our conclusion was to recommend the place to anyone we know... and it was with fully bellies and Moore-esque contentment that we headed out to find the Taos Mountain Lodging Center.

After backtracking a little ways out of Taos and a false start that took us 8 miles out of our way, we actually managed to find the Lodging Center, nestled in Arroyo Seco (a little town just outside of Taos, on the way to the slopes.) Before I describe the Lodging Center, allow me to describe Arroyo Seco. Take a mental picture of a little tourist trap of about 500 people set in Southwest Pueblo style (with the typical baked mud houses and the green, red and yellow paint and roof tiling and the like.) To that, I want you to add several trailers and the accompanying detritus would be found in a poor Appalachian setting. To finish, I want you to visualize a poor urban setting and take the feel of insecurity, the graffiti, and the feeling that nobody cares. When you have all of that in your mind, that's how the town of Arroyo Seco feels like, though not necessarily containing all parts in all areas. The Taos Mountain Lodging Center was the complete blending of all of those parts, complete with rusted-out trailers and Indian tipi's together on the lawn with chickens and peacocks running around, barbed wire fencing, and graffiti.

Eric and Amanda never did find the owner to talk to him, but suffice it to say that the visit was more than enough. The lodge itself reeked of cat piss and looked like it had seen better days. Thus, about 2 hours behind schedule now, we pressed on eastward, at least content that Eric and Amanda had narrowly avoided taking kids to stay in the Taos Mountain Lodging Center.

The drive eastward for the next two hours was typified by a stretch where we were navigating mountain roads with a speed limit of 40 MPH with a truck in front of us towing a trailer with no tail lights and a cop driving behind us. Thus, after getting out of the mountains, we stopped for a change of drivers. As luck would have it, we found a prospective short-cut that turned out to save about 40 miles on driving. As it turned out, that short-cut was a beautiful stretch of empty road with a posted speed limit of 50-65 and a realized speed of 70-75. It was here that we made up a little bit of time, and as we neared the interstate I was appointed to drive into Amarillo as Anna dislikes city driving and Eric had driven most of the day.

As I began driving, I was noting that the time was headed for 8.45 CDST as we crossed the border into Texas. I continued to run at 80 MPH accordingly, so as to get to Amanda's grandparents' house in Amarillo by about 9.30. Sadly, about 40 miles out of Amarillo, a nasty smell emerged and white smoke began pouring out of the back of the truck. Thus, we pulled over and got out of the car as Eric began looking it over. The transmission had declared its undying hatred for us and was noisily expelling transmission fluid, oil, and water from the bottom of the vehicle.

Fortunately, Eric figured that staying out on the side of the road wasn't a good solution. So we babied Eric's Blazer to a gas station, got some transmission fluid and oil, and refilled it. In response, the car's engine temperature came down and it didn't seem to leak any of said fluid out. This began the stressful and slow trek to Amarillo, which gracefully ended without further event. The evening ended with a nice dinner fixed by Amanda's grandmother and declarations of uncertainty of what to do the following morning, culminated by all of us crashing so as to be ready for what the morning would hold.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:22 PM | TrackBack

July 01, 2004

Vacation At An End

This last day of vacation has been quite a ride. It started off with a trip to the Ourey Hot Springs, where we relaxed and luxuriated in 105 degree thermal springs. After that, we went and got some lunch and wandered around the town for a bit. Following this experience, we went into Montrose (about 30 minutes away from Ourey) to send Anna's older sister and Anna's nephew home via airplane.

Along the way, we stopped at Walmart, when Anna's younger brother called to inform us that the water heater in one of the cabins that Anna's parents manage had caught fire. Oh... and it was about now that all of us began to realize that we had gotten sunburn due to our negligence in applying sunscreen at the Hot Springs.

Anyways, so we dropped sister and nephew off and saw them off, went and got a water heater, and returned the 2.5 hours from Montrose to Lake City. After that, we went to get dinner at the Crystal Lodge, where Anna's parents treated me to some of the best steak I've had in my life, along with some nice grape juice and a wonderful slice of Key Lime Pie. The evening was finished off with some bumming around and relaxing ahead of the rather lengthy drive we have in store for ourselves tomorrow.

To that end... look for me on Saturday, I should be off the radar screen until then.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:32 PM | TrackBack