June 30, 2004

For the Truly Desperate

Wow... just... wow...

I was reading Something Positive and the author linked up this job listing for Video Phone Sex Tech Support at Ask the Tech Girl.

Can we say messed up?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:18 AM | TrackBack

CD Virus Shenanigans

It would appear that the Recording Industry is at it again with the new Beastie Boys CD "To the Five Boroughs."

Granted, at this point nobody has seen the alleged CD virus within the U.S. or U.K. but I would imagine it won't be long before some band gives us the chance to see just what level the RIAA is currently willing to sink to.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:49 AM | TrackBack

June 29, 2004

Paternal Ingenuity...

In the spirit of LU as I am away, I must relate to you a scheme hatched by a male friend of mine who will go unnamed due to the controversiality of his ideas:

As a guy, I really don't like diapers at all and really can't stomach changing them. Maybe it's a lack of maternal instinct or something, but I can't really stomach the process. When I was thinking on this and the prospect of having kids of my own, I came up with a brilliant idea.

Dogs eat anything... at least I know mine does. So I figured that what I would do is take the diaper off the kid and take him outside and let the dog lick him clean. Then I pop a new diaper on and PRESTO!... he's clean, and I had to do nothing but tear the old diaper off and put the new one on. Heck, I could just have the dog clean the diaper and put it back on Junior.

Needless to say, I was impressed but others were not. That said, I am definitely considering investing in a dog and some land, should the need arise. That said, I am much more in favor of this being reserved as a backup plan to the primary solution of having the wench change the diapers.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:50 PM | TrackBack

Mixed Drinks


How to make a Vengeful Cynic
1 part jealousy
5 parts brilliance
5 parts leadership
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add emotion to taste! Do not overindulge!


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:14 AM | TrackBack

June 28, 2004

History of Expressiveness

As some of you may know, I tend to be a bit of a history buff. Though nowhere near as dedicated as Wilson, I do enjoy reading history and being knowledgable about the history of things and whatnot. That said, this article which Wheeler pointed me to really embodies a nice combination of history and the tongue-in-cheek amusement with which I approach life. Way to go, Wheeler!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:51 AM | TrackBack

My Little Porny

We can thank Jared for passing along this little gem of a quiz.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:44 AM | TrackBack

June 27, 2004

Cynic Reporting In

Just so everyone knows, Anna, her brother, her sister-in-law and myself pulled into Lake City at about 4 or so this evening. It has been a relatively uneventful trip thus far, much to my pleasure. That said, I'm really not a huge fan of long driving trips. That's all now... time for bed.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:00 PM | TrackBack

June 26, 2004


Just a headsup... Anna and I are going to be leaving today to drive up to Colorado and this process will be taking two days. During that time, I will be incommunicado.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:56 AM | TrackBack

June 25, 2004

Manage Your Spawn

So Jared and I went out to hit the lunch buffet today at Pizza Hut before he skipped town to visit the Wilson. Upon entering, we were informed by the employees that they were expecting two busloads of gremlins any minute now and that we should pick a table away from the hellspawn staging zone and get ourselves some pizza whilst there remained pizza to be had.

Fortunately for us, it took about 20 minutes from when we got there for the little weasels to arrive and another 10 minutes or so after that for them to organize into waves to hit up the buffet table like vultures on a dead cow. Sadly, after the blessed calm before the storm, the storm hit with a vengeance.

Within 5 minutes of them getting there, they had managed to rip a door of its hinges, annoy everyone in the place, spill soda everywhere, eat everything in sight, and be as loud as humanly possible. And considering that they looked to be late elementary and early jr. high age, I was shocked to see that they had two leaders for about 40 of them. Sick.

Thus I leave you with this warning... don't inflict your spawn on others without proper adult supervision, or they might run afoul of those whom they annoy and end up maimed.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:34 PM | TrackBack

June 24, 2004

Worn Out...

You know, at the rate summer work is going, I'm going to be anxious to jump back into classes come August.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:38 PM | TrackBack

June 23, 2004

It's So Me...

Little comics like this exemplify some of my oddities that people as nice as Anna can't understand...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:56 PM | TrackBack

June 22, 2004

Reasons Latin America Annoys Me

Recently, I've been reading some rather inane opinion pieces demonizing the U.S. whilst praising the merits of unimportant unowned colonies in North, Central and South America that dare to call themselves countries. As if anyone needed proof to the suckiness of these countries, I point to the most aggregious of these: Mexico.

Look, I'm not saying that the U.S. is perfect... but at least our chief exports aren't our citizens that are trying to illegally emigrate and our chief industry isn't cut-rate labor. Anyone contending that these countries are superior must explain to me why Latin American nations have the nasty proclivity to elect and continue to re-elect corrupt officials and willingly overlook illicit drug activities within their borders. And I'm talking corrupt like stealing 50% of the country's national savings and running off to another country and corrupt like allowing a giant organized crime ring to incorporate the national police force and use them as an enforcement arm... and the "politicians" get away with this.

The naysayers will contend that Latin America would be better off if it weren't for U.S. interference and that it is unfair for the United States to look down upon its southern neighbors. I will counter that at some point in the past, we all had an equal shake. We in the United States were British colonies, and that might have been advantageous... but let's face it: at a point where shipping and farming were serious business, Latin America had an extreme advantage over the United States.

In sum, I'm not saying that we don't have our own huge issues. I'd just like the peanut gallery to quit hokking a tchynik about the greatness of Latin America and the demons of my country. I'm sick of the unjustified prattle.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:46 PM | TrackBack

June 21, 2004

My Role-Model

I would like to be more like this teacher... especially if I could get off with the punishment he got. (Thanks Wheeler)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 09:50 PM | TrackBack

June 20, 2004

Flag Criticism

Have you ever taken a look at a country's flag and said, "Wow... who would want that thing to be their flag?"

Especially impressive are Zimbabwe's hawk on a toilet and Rwanda's breathtakingly original flag.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:47 PM | TrackBack


So yeah... mirrored sunglasses are unsettling at the very least. When I kiss my girlfriend, I don't want to end up seeing myself. *Shudders*

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 02:48 PM | TrackBack

June 19, 2004

Should Have Been Better

Well... after a wonderful evening out with Anna in which we went and had a nice dinner and saw The Terminal, I must say I am pretty well ready for sleep. That said, I really can't say that The Terminal is all that bad, and it's actually fairly high up on the list as far as chick-flicks are concerned.

Tom Hanks does a fantastic job as the stranded Viktor Navorski, a traveller from a foreign country where a coup has just taken place and whose status in the international community is now in flux. To put a long story short, Navorski must attempt to survive in an airport (which is pretty much hostile by definition) and becomes romantically interested in Catherine Zeta-Jones' character Amelia - a promiscuous and emotionally confused flight attendant with a horrible taste in men and an irresistable tendancy to hook up with the married variety.

To put it fairly, the acting is superb, the cinematography is solid, and the musical score and sound are brilliant. My problem is with Spielberg and the screenwriters. The antagonist is illogical, poorly-explained and nigh schizophrenic. The story itself is a tad choppy with some rather poorly-explained jumps. In the end The Terminal comes off as a wonderfully sappy movie with a good feel... but you can't help but think that if anyone could have done better and should have done better, it's Spielberg backed by the very strong cast he had at his disposal... and thus the film disappoints in that regard. It should have been better... I think the 78% overall that I rated it pretty much sums my feelings up fairly nicely

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:57 PM | TrackBack

June 18, 2004

Hateful Labors

I really hate work... but the weekend is good. Sleep now!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:51 PM | TrackBack

June 17, 2004

I Was Afraid of This

I've had sinking premonitions about The Terminal, and this review seems to echo them.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:35 PM | TrackBack

June 16, 2004

Just Messed Up

Just in case you needed a reminder that the world is still a fairly poor selection as a permanent domicile, here you are. If a driver can get off with killing a man in a hit-and-run accident and only get fined 2,500 but could get two years for hitting a tree as a result of driving in a dangerous manner, something is seriously wrong.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:34 PM | TrackBack

Term of Endearment?

I've never known the term c*nt to be used as a term of endearment, but apparently the University of Colorado President Elizabeth Hoffman has (thanks Wheeler.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:27 PM | TrackBack

Stupid Allies

And this sort of thing is why I have trouble with close U.S. ties with Saudi Arabia.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:21 AM | TrackBack

June 15, 2004

Drat! Foiled Again!

I should do this to someone (link courtesy of The Wench.)

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:03 PM | TrackBack

Heard on Break...

"Sex, brains and clean dishes... what more could you want?"
-Jared Wheeler

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:06 AM | TrackBack

June 14, 2004

Satanic Harry Potter

Want to know just how to justify a claim to Harry Potter being Satanic and Christian leaders like Colson and Dobson being sell-outs? Just read about it here.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:59 PM | TrackBack

Artistic License

This could be an interesting film for a marketeer.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 04:14 PM | TrackBack

June 13, 2004


So yeah... Randy, Wheeler, Anna, Ardith, Lily and myself played Anti-Monopoly tonight. We had to coerce Wheeler, but in the end he played and enjoyed himself.

I'll make a more complete post about this sometime in the morning, but here are some quotes that I recorded during the course of the game:

"It's like being tickled when you have to pee... it just doesn't work!"

Cynic: It's a mob run by women!
Lily: It doesn't matter, we have fun... and we bake!

Wheeler: You took my last dollar Lily!
Lily: Good! I'll spend it on whores!

"We're the ones paying for it... of course we know what's going on [in Ardith's Houses of Ill Repute]!"

Ardith: Yes! I exist to cause you pain and suffering in this life!
Wheeler: That's kind of pathetic really...

"I heap loathing on top of your self-loathing!"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:43 AM | TrackBack

June 12, 2004

Fun Question

This was one of the questions on one of my sample online quizzes for Microeconomics:

Why is it that farmland is more likely to be converted to residential housing near urban areas?

a. Because developable land is scarce near urban areas, and eventually becomes more valuable than as farmland.
b. Because urban people don't like food.
c. Because rural people don't like housing.
d. None of the above.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:36 PM | TrackBack

June 11, 2004

The Hydrant

Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:51 PM | TrackBack

June 10, 2004

The Things I Hear at Work

"It makes sense... it's hard to keep a good GPA when you're an idiot."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 05:08 PM | TrackBack

The Best Court

It's things like this that make me love the Supreme Court and create a growing loathing for President Bush. I mean, I like a lot of the man's policy... but he and Ashcroft really give me the creeps when it comes to homeland security.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:24 AM | TrackBack

June 09, 2004

Summer Work

The problem is simply this, I don't have enough time any more. What makes matters worse is that being on your feet 8 hours a day is fairly tiring. Not to mention, everyone else is fairly zapped and we're all working 40 hours/week. So I get up at 7, go to work at 7.30, get off work at 4, go eat dinner around 5 or 6 and if I'm lucky, we do stuff until 10 or so. Beyond that, it's mostly bumming around. So yeah, I'm glad I work with Wheeler or else the lack of human interaction would kill me. To make a long story short, I'm tired, I'm tired of being tired, and I'm tired of everyone else being too tired to do much of anything. Guh... this isn't what summer is supposed to be about.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:04 PM | TrackBack

June 08, 2004

Paint Crew

I hate work and work hates me... but at least it pays. I remember last summer thinking my job wasn't so bad, but then I remember that I only worked 20 hours/week last summer and I'm full-time now. Hopefully, the manual labor will cease soon.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:34 PM | TrackBack

June 07, 2004

Warped Pharmaceuticals

You can all thank Wilson for referring me to this article on the rejuvenation of love after 65 thanks to modern technology.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:32 PM | TrackBack

Thank You Cosby

I found this article linked off of Thinklings. The article has quotes from remarks Bill Cosby made in response to the anniversary of Brown vs. The Board of Education where he calls on the African-American community to seize the advantages given them rather than squandering these advantages like he sees so many doing. The article then goes on to give the points of those who are outraged by his remarks and those who feel he is right on the mark.

From my experience, I think that Cosby is dead right in what he is saying. Granted, many of his critics agree that he is at least partially correct but want a more constructive manner of dealing with the problem. I think the problem lies with most not wanting to get out of the destructive urban sub-culture and not seeing the advantages to rising above such an environment. To be fair, most aren't going to arrive at this solution on their own and are going to need help to arrive at the mindset that there is something better out there than an uneducated life as a member of an impoverished community... but I think Cosby's point is also that too many African-American spokespeople and advocacy groups are in the business of trying to excuse the behavior of those in question rather than trying to change that behavior.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:25 AM | TrackBack

June 06, 2004

My Favorite Quiz

Which Member of the Shadow Council Are You?


brought to you by Quizilla

Thank Jared for coming up with this...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 06:01 PM | TrackBack

Catholic Sell-Out

It's priests like these that give many conservatives hesitation in supporting the Roman Catholic Church, especially in its work in the Third World.

The aforementioned article highlights Father Joe Maier, a priest in Bangkok, Thailand. Father Joe has done some very good things and has created a school in the inner-city slums and taken in many starving and needy children in an attempt to give them a better life. This is all well and good... but then you dig a little deeper and you get things like this out of the article:

What's so unique about this scene is, the kids are praying to Buddha in a Catholic school. But that's just fine with Father Joe Maier, who says he doesn't care if the children say their "Hail Marys" to a statue of Buddha as long as they know some prayers to help them deal with life.

Here's another exchange that I found rather telling:

Father Joe went to Thailand with two assignments.

Fr. MAIER: To become a missionary priest and to work with the people and to convert them to Christianity and become holy, I guess. They converted me, though.

JONES (To Fr. Maier): Who converted you?

Fr. MAIER: The Buddhists and Muslims. I've only learned to be a Christian by learning from the Muslims and Buddhists: tolerance and calmness and peace.

And I find this last quote very telling about Maier's validity as a Christian worker:

Every week those tribes have to gather like a family council. They commune, give pause, and give thanks to the greater being. [Maier] has them learn prayers, but he doesn't enforce it upon them by way of stripping away their Buddhist identity.

In essence, I this sort of thing typifies the problem: taking a positive experience with a spiritual element and relabelling it "Christianity" by mixing in a couple of elements of Christianity and ignoring doctrine so that everyone is happy. While Christ came so that the world could be saved and came in love, He is not weak and willing to submit to other religions just so that their supplicants can feel free to be Christians without any discomfort.

This isn't to say that the entire Roman Catholic Church is responsible for this... but it's been my experience talking with those who work and minister, especially in the Third World, that this is hardly an exception. Rather than do the hard work of fighting local religion, many priests just incorporate large parts of it into Catholicism, and thus create problems for years to come and undermine the name of Christianity and confuse it with some bastardized version.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:52 AM | TrackBack

June 05, 2004

Not Sure What to Do With These

I made these up the other evening and I'm not sure where to put them or how I'll use them... so for now, feel free to copy them to your own server and use them if you like. (Bandwidth thieves will have their arms torn off and used to beat them to death.)

and last but not least...

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:43 AM | TrackBack

Oddly Enough

A couple of days ago, I was making some various icons for my blog, and then I found this... which struck me as a perfect way to introduce one of my new icons.

Note: to those of you who object to some of my coarser vocabulary, you might want to pass this one up.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:24 AM | TrackBack

June 04, 2004

First and Last

So yeah... I go reintroduced to a dirty four-letter word on this the last day of the week. That's right, this was my first day at my new job... and that means w***.

But now it's the weekend and life is good... so no more thoughts about w*** until Monday.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:16 PM | TrackBack

June 03, 2004


Normally I wait the standard 3 days before I link a blog, but this is something that we've all been awaiting for quite some time. Martinez has started a blog!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:05 PM | TrackBack

Stop Oppressive Gardening!

Just when you thought that the Cynic was done with the links, he strikes back. First, I found the Free the Gnomes homepage and figured you'd like to see it. It's clean and Wench-friendly.

Oddly enough... today seems to be clean disturbing link day. I'll have to rectify that tomorrow. But anyways, here's a link to the First Vienna Vegetable Orchestra, where the music is good and the instruments are edible. And last but not least, I have a news story to highlight the plight of our Aussie friends in the land down under, where you aren't allowed to order cool knives on the internet.

So yeah... there are your family-friendly, work-safe, children approved warped links. That's not gonna happen again for quite some time so enjoy it.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 01:46 PM | TrackBack

June 02, 2004

Power Outtage

Good times were had by all this evening when power to LeTourneau was taken out by a passing storm. Actually, we were about 20 minutes into watching Chicago and ended up bumming around and doing a lot of nothing. Good times were had by all, however.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 11:43 PM | TrackBack

June 01, 2004

Page Upgrades

So yeah... I'm working on a new template. The biggest problem is trying to set up a series of database queries and the like so that I can have a "Current Movie Ratings" display, a book display and all of that. It's fun work though. Getting to do a lot of SQL and whatnot and trying to integrate it with PERL. I'll keep you posted.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:58 PM | TrackBack