How to catch extra food at a barbecue:
I'm working on a serious post or two, but they're going badly, so it's time for me to post fun things instead.
I received an email today entitled thusly:
"Smart People Buy Pi"
Out of curiousity... where does one buy pi? And can one buy e and i there as well? I hear theta is running at half-price.
Stop Wench-on-Wench Violence
I've been saying for years that arming wenches is nothing but trouble. This case in Kentucky proves my point. A man's ex-wench, armed with a meat cleaver, proceeded to attack his wench, who was armed with a gun. Violence ensued and the former was shot by the latter, who was cut up pretty good with the aforementioned cleaver. Clearly, the man involved should have kept both the cleaver and the gun and then nobody would have gotten hurt.
Parties of Sin
And no, I'm not talking about sex toy parties. Apparently, some moron got the idea that selling color-coordinated tasers to women in tupperware-esque parties. Yeah... that's right, more arming of wenches... that's never a good thing. Don't taze me, wench! Yeah... that'll work, so for the love of God, stop arming wenches!
And since we're on the subject of wenches, I suppose I should touch on the two uniquely female professions. First up we have ladies of the night, or escorts as they're now called. Well... I suppose this isn't an indictment of the escorts so much as it is of the moron using the escort services: namely, escorts are not a business expense. If you use your company credit card to pay for them, your company may fire you.
Of course, the counter-argument is entertaining: escorts are a lot like furniture and in a company-owned apartment, the company should pay for them. And, while entertaining and certainly expensive ($12,000 worth), that's really not the point. However, I think the words of Mr Sinadinos should be used here, as I can't even summarize the next part with a straight face: "Buying escort services for 'company' was not dissimilar to buying fittings for an apartment. I could not differentiate [escort services] from buying a rack on which to put food on for my apartment. I would leave that to an accountant."
High Price Entertainment
But $12,000 for several months' worth of "escorting" pales in comparison to the treatment that this fellow got at a strip club. The workers at said strip club charged him $6000 for what he terms at two drinks for himself and three for a stripper. Oh... and they tried to charge his card for another $10,000, but that was declined.
One could make all sorts of jokes about dens of ill repute, not to mention the simple fact that sex, drugs and alcohol are known to cloud the brain... but $16,000?! I'm fairly certain someone is owed a fairly substantive chunk of change. On the other hand, he could have tried to tip big and regretted it in the morning. One never knows in the affairs of the ... heart.
Bring Back Chauvinism
And how could we avoid all of these nasty problems of wanton women wielding weapons? What about a return to simpler times where men were men and women knew their places? When women didn't command space shuttles and inspire their daughters to violent and unseemly behavior? I know that I, for one, could do with a return to the halcyon days of yore.
Reminds Me of LeTourneau
And lastly, we have this gem. For all of the women behaving badly that I've headlined, I think this mostly makes up for it in one go. I've not actually watched the show, but the clip amused the hell out of me ti the extent that I might start:
Oddly enough, even though I've been watching a lot of news in the last couple of weeks, I really haven't seen a clear and concise explanation of the Writers' Guild's side of the strike. I mean, sure, I've heard that they want more money, but there really hasn't been a good explanation of what they want and why they feel entitled to it. Well, I should say "oddly enough" in that most television news is broadcast in places where the content producers own the airwaves... surprisingly, the motivations of those with whom they're at odds aren't being well-portrayed.
But, in any event, this article published in Newsweek does an excellent job of explaining what the writers want. In simple terms, they want a percentage of the profits that studios make from online video distribution, from which they currently enjoy no revenue at all. Also, they'd kind of like to make more than $.04 per DVD sale. Yes, that's right... FOUR CENTS. Seriously? What kind of chutzpah does it take to tell someone that they don't deserve money off of online distribution and that they're lucky they get four cents for every DVD they sell? Personally, it makes me want to boycott going and seeing movies period until the strike is over, except that I'm pretty sure that the writers are getting a cut (albeit a very small one) from the sales, and right now they need every penny they can get.
I have to thank Leatherwood for finding and sending me this fine shirt (the first one listed). While I'm not going to do my readership the disservice of showing a picture of my ugly self wearing this shirt, I will link
this enlarged picture of the shirt in addition to this smaller image. The only thing that makes me sad is that the image fails to show the cool text on the front bearing the simple yet poignant phrase, "knock, knock."
And damn... it is a fine shirt. Thank you muchly, good sir Leatherwood.
Apparently Ask A Ninja is also in favor of the Writers' Guild. I always knew I liked that guy.
I will not cross a picket line. Well, that's not strictly true, but it's my personal philosophy on these things. At various points in time, myself and my two brothers were members of a union, as were a large number of my family members on my mom's side, including her father.
Now, if baseball players go on strike, screw them, I'm going to the game. So, the idea isn't that I hold all picket lines as sacrosanct, because I don't, but rather that I'm all about the ideals held by guys on picket lines. Namely, there's no reason that management figures should be getting $25,000 bonuses and at the same time, trying to cut employee benefits. And really, all the excuse I'll ever need to hold something of a soft spot in my heart for my union brothers comes down to the two years I spent working at Kroger's. I mean... it's not like I was making a lot of money by a long-shot but the pay was decent and the hours were good, and that's pretty much what the story was for everyone who worked there. Since then, I've moved to Texas and had several friends work for Wal-Mart. Just watching how Wal-Mart employees get treated and kicked around is bad enough to practically make me want to go help them organize. The comparison is maddening... and the real proof is just how had Wal-Mart is willing to try to prevent their stores from unionizing. After all, paying a fair wage and decent benefits costs the bottom line.
All that said, I'm a fairly conservative guy and not pro-labor by any stretch. I contend that most of the views held by the AFL-CIO and its ilk are boneheaded and backwards. But I won't cross a picket line.
I'm really not a 24 fan, but this keeps popping up everywhere and I personally find it hillarious. PG-13 for language.