November 16, 2007

Amusing Things

I'm working on a serious post or two, but they're going badly, so it's time for me to post fun things instead.

Starting Off

I received an email today entitled thusly:

"Smart People Buy Pi"

Out of curiousity... where does one buy pi? And can one buy e and i there as well? I hear theta is running at half-price.

Stop Wench-on-Wench Violence

I've been saying for years that arming wenches is nothing but trouble. This case in Kentucky proves my point. A man's ex-wench, armed with a meat cleaver, proceeded to attack his wench, who was armed with a gun. Violence ensued and the former was shot by the latter, who was cut up pretty good with the aforementioned cleaver. Clearly, the man involved should have kept both the cleaver and the gun and then nobody would have gotten hurt.

Parties of Sin

And no, I'm not talking about sex toy parties. Apparently, some moron got the idea that selling color-coordinated tasers to women in tupperware-esque parties. Yeah... that's right, more arming of wenches... that's never a good thing. Don't taze me, wench! Yeah... that'll work, so for the love of God, stop arming wenches!

Expense It!

And since we're on the subject of wenches, I suppose I should touch on the two uniquely female professions. First up we have ladies of the night, or escorts as they're now called. Well... I suppose this isn't an indictment of the escorts so much as it is of the moron using the escort services: namely, escorts are not a business expense. If you use your company credit card to pay for them, your company may fire you.

Of course, the counter-argument is entertaining: escorts are a lot like furniture and in a company-owned apartment, the company should pay for them. And, while entertaining and certainly expensive ($12,000 worth), that's really not the point. However, I think the words of Mr Sinadinos should be used here, as I can't even summarize the next part with a straight face: "Buying escort services for 'company' was not dissimilar to buying fittings for an apartment. I could not differentiate [escort services] from buying a rack on which to put food on for my apartment. I would leave that to an accountant."

High Price Entertainment

But $12,000 for several months' worth of "escorting" pales in comparison to the treatment that this fellow got at a strip club. The workers at said strip club charged him $6000 for what he terms at two drinks for himself and three for a stripper. Oh... and they tried to charge his card for another $10,000, but that was declined.

One could make all sorts of jokes about dens of ill repute, not to mention the simple fact that sex, drugs and alcohol are known to cloud the brain... but $16,000?! I'm fairly certain someone is owed a fairly substantive chunk of change. On the other hand, he could have tried to tip big and regretted it in the morning. One never knows in the affairs of the ... heart.

Bring Back Chauvinism

And how could we avoid all of these nasty problems of wanton women wielding weapons? What about a return to simpler times where men were men and women knew their places? When women didn't command space shuttles and inspire their daughters to violent and unseemly behavior? I know that I, for one, could do with a return to the halcyon days of yore.

Reminds Me of LeTourneau

And lastly, we have this gem. For all of the women behaving badly that I've headlined, I think this mostly makes up for it in one go. I've not actually watched the show, but the clip amused the hell out of me ti the extent that I might start:

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at November 16, 2007 04:38 PM | TrackBack