In fact, today even feels like summer's almost gone. Only 8pm, and already down to 60 outside. Consequently, I felt compelled to make cookies. Four dozen snickerdoodles. I'll be set for weeks.
Snickerdoodles logically lead to thoughts of falling leaves, ponderings on the existence of sugarcane, and a sense of self-gratification. This last happens most often when I obtain proof that I am fundamentally correct on a host of issues, in new and unprecedented ways. This may or may not happen more frequently during a sugar high.
However, today I have proof. Proof that I, as mentioned a week ago, am actually prescient, although not in quite the way I would have expected. Yes, that's right, folks. You heard it here first: my jokes are another person's foreign policy justifications.
My agent will be negotiating fees for speaking engagements shortly.
So, Ardith's life today has mostly consisted of hiding in her basement, where it tends to be 5 degrees cooler than the rest of the house. Oh, and taking a nap from 8:30am to 11:00am.
Yes, I realize that's an extremely odd time to be taking a nap. I also realize that I can't really sleep much in temperatures warmer than 78, and my A/C is out of commission for a few days. However, I don't feel justified in being much more than somewhat annoyed since a) I realize I'm quite spoiled, and this won't actually hurt me, and b) the heating and cooling systems are under warranty. Note to house-sellers: if you're selling a house with a 25-year-old furnace and central air, spend the ~300 to get a 1-year warranty for these. If they do actually break down (not unlikely), the buyer will think nice thoughts about you for a very long time.
And, it could be considerably worse. Highs are only 80, so the annoyment is really just coming from the humidity. And it's only for a few days (theoretically) while the negotiations between the heating and cooling company and American Home Shield are taking place. Hopefully there won't be any sanctions involved.
In other, Extremely Important News, my brother finally broke down and started a blog. I have added it to the sidebar, in the appropriate spot. He seems to have comments enabled, so I'm encouraging everyone to go over there and say something annoying. Something like "ugh I h8 ur tmpl8, n00b" should work admirably.
You know, I wouldn't be so tempted to poke fun at NRO articles, if they just weren't so funny. It's like they're begging me to write snarky things about them. And yet I keep reading, because I still have it in my head that these are people with whom, in somewhat less paranoid times, I would usually agree.
If you've read almost any recent political punditry recently at all, you've probably heard various branches of extremist Islam compared to fascism, or in some cases made by excitable people, Nazi Germany at the height of its infamy. This is usually followed up by loud arguments over whether the entire Muslim population of the world can rightly be called a 'nation', in order to satisfy those who are prone to say silly things about fascism being somewhat nationalist at heart, and not especially theocratic by nature.
Obviously, words are what we define them as, so I'm all for people calling anything under the sun 'fascism', as long as I get to use terms like 'intrepid exploration of creativity and spontaneity' when referring to the fact that I mowed my lawn in a different direction.
However, we must move on, because I put a potentially controversial title on this post, and I have creative and spontaneous things to say. Or rather, to refer to other people as saying. Sort of. With a little help.
Read this. Yes, I realize it's a couple of pages. There aren't that many big words, so I'm sure you'll do fine. Okay, now read it through again, replacing "Iran" with "the U.S.S.R"', "Middle East" with "Eastern Europe" or possibly "some little Asian peninsula", and "Hezbollah" with "the Communist Party of whatever country we're currently talking about." See? Like a pheonix, the Soviet Empire rises again! Pfft. And you thought we'd won the Cold War.
Fortunately for me, the mole now inhabiting my yard has done an excellent job of prepping the ground for my brand new fallout shelter. I'll be laughing it up, protected from the imminent world-encompassing nuclear war, while you all are bemoaning the fact that you didn't see far enough into the future to recognize how truly prescient I am.
Yes, Ardith has her green tomato pie. With a nearly perfect, flaky homemade crust.
Sometimes I'm so awesome I just make myself cry.
And so is my mom for sending me green tomatoes in the mail so I could make said pie.
Other highlights of the week include getting $56 back from the oral surgeon, and having another local politician show up on my doorstep and not assume I'm 14. He gets 5 extra points for that, and then promptly loses about 50 for not actually saying anything specific on the brochure.
Everyone says they want to 'keep our families safe'. You can actually cut out the line saying which church you go to, and tell me what you mean by 'keep our families safe'. See, if you mean "don't let dangerous criminals out of jail early," I could probably get behind that. If on the other hand, you mean "track your every move to make sure you're not a terrorist" then we'll probably have issues even if I think First Presbyterian Church is the best thing in churches since moving on from Philadelphia.
I'm just sayin'.