October 31, 2005


I think it's safe to say that the only person to blame for the 2nd return of Joe has to be Murray. Yes, technically we are standing at the 5th actual reappearance at this point.... but I think we can safely break down Joe's appearances into episodic events (the 1st coming, the return, the 2nd return.) And behind it all is the ever-popular and self-proclaimed UberSkull of the Underworld himself.

Any doubters will be pointed to the fact that it would appear that Joe has, in fact, learned the inner workings of the mouse traps and can now actively avoid the firing mechanisms and yet still clean them of all but traces of peanut butter. I must gladly thank Joe in this in that he doesn't utterly clean the mouse traps, thus helping me deflect accusations by certain parties that I perhaps set the traps without bait (advertently or inadvertently, you be the judge.)

Anyways, so I got a call on Sunday afternoon from my wife, who seemed to be slightly hysterical. Yes, apparently there had been yet another mouse sighting. But what was worse was the fact that Joe had taken one of the mouse traps underneath the refrigerator where he and his friends had proceeded to clean it off, without fear of it going off. As she spoke to me, Anna got shriller and more irritated as she apparently alternately saw and heard mice around the refrigerator. So it was that I was commissioned to get more mouse traps.

For the record, why is it that even though I like the mice and I want to have them around, I'm the one stuck killing them? And further, I get not wanting to have mice around... but taking it to Anna's homicidal mania seems to lack for a logical stepping-stone in the process. But that's just me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:58 AM | TrackBack

October 23, 2005

Joe Lives!

It would appear that not even a mouse trap can take Joe down. As of yesterday, we have confirmed Joe sightings! Sadly, this has also precipitated ultimatums from my wife regarding Joe's ongoing existance and my setting traps to kill him. My refusal has met with a great number of threats and allegations regarding the responsibilites attendant to my status as the "Man of the House"... and so it would appear that today, we are hunting for Joe again, all the while silently rooting for him... and biting my tongue rather than pointing out that Ma seems to do just fine hunting her own mice.

Go Joe!

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 08:19 AM | TrackBack

October 21, 2005

Doom: The Movie

Critics are talking about Doom, which, in case you hadn't heard, is a movie adaptation of the hit first-person shooter series from id Software. Here's what some critics have had to say, just in case Ardith was feeling like more sci-fi self-hate:

"The phrase "worse than 'Super Mario Brothers'" should not be tossed around lightly when it comes to feature film adaptations of popular video games, but Andrzej Bartkowiak's "Doom" finds a way to settle to the bottom of the barrel in a genre that very rarely achieves even the lowest level of quality."

"The only downside is that you can't use cheat codes to reach the end of the movie."

"However low your expectations are for the movie take on the videogame Doom, lower them more." "Those who step up to the box office window and request "Doom" will get what they asked for."

"A mostly standard-issue Marine fetish festival and also a regressive role for the Rock. He should never have to drop an F-bomb once, let alone 15 times, to seem tough."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 07:02 AM | TrackBack

October 16, 2005

He Came to Us in Peace

Joe Mouse
? - 16 October 2005

Roughly a month ago, Anna first met our friend Joe Mouse. This was an exciting event, as Joe frolicked about the apartment for the amusement of all. Sadly, Anna could not peacefully coexist with Joe and his unusual ways, and thus I was ordered to exterminate Joe.

Through a series of delays and procrastinations, I managed to avoid laying out the implements of cultural insensitivity for over a month. Sadly, Anna's wrath would not be so easily turned aside, and yesterday occasioned several Joe sightings, including one by myself. While I valiantly argued on Joe's behalf that he added culture to our humble abode and wouldn't hurt a fly, Anna refused to budge.

What's more, even though Anna was the party responsible for decreeing that Joe should die, I was made the unwilling executioner. Though he came to us in peace, we have killed him anyways... and the blood is on my hands, to my great and abiding shame.

As penance, Murray and I mourned Joe's passing, and freed him of the trappings of this world, sending him on to a better place.

I hope Joe won't hold my unwilling part in this against me.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:32 AM | TrackBack

October 08, 2005

Longview Cable

Longview Cable sucks... a lot. You should never get it if you have a choice, and if you already have it, you should get your cable and internet from somebody else. Here is what happened to me: it could happen to you.

Last month, due to an effort to reduce the number of bills being paid out (and the exponentially high risk of accidentally forgetting to send one out), we got direct bill to credit card set up on at least half of our bills: LCTV and CableLynx included. Yes, Cable and Internet are two separate bills, for no reason that anyone can figure, but we had them both billing to the credit card.

Then, because my wife is good like that, she called Longview Cable to verify that the charges were going to be processed on the credit card and life would be good, and she was assured that there would be no problems. This was the 28th of September. Then, on Thursday, October 6, our cable internet went down. Those of you who have LCTV and CableLynx know this isn't very rare, so I called tech support and found myself waiting in a line of 8 people... and after 20 minutes, I deteremined that there must be only 1 tech answering calls. Thus, I used a nifty feature and left a call-back number so that I would hear from them that evening or the next day.

Friday morning I checked my messages (none) and then went off to work, expecting a call. Work was busy and the cares of home slipped my mind, until I returned home to no internet. Pissed off that I had gotten no call, I called up tech support and managed to wait out the line and get through. I was pleasantly suprised to find a competent tech who checked the server I was working through and then paused to check my account, in the space of 2 or 3 minutes. He informed me that my account was on hold and gave me the information to call LCTV about it. Calling LCTV yielded me the information that the accounts people were gone for the day (apparently they leave at 5) and the informative young lad promised to leave them with my number.

Saturday (today), I awoke around 10.30 to no call and no message. Beginning to suspect this was typical of LCTV/CableLynx, I called them. The lady at the other end of the line seemed to be a tad inept... as it took her about 5 minutes to pull up my account. After we got through that, it took her another 5 or so to figure out why it had been disconnected. Once we'd gotten through all of that, she told me that they had already billed me and had somehow disconnected my internet anyways and that she was fixing it. Following this was a rather irritating set of restarting the cable modem 3 times followed by her calling tech support, another restart and renewing my IP a couple times before I finally got internet back. She promised that her boss would call me so we could discuss the wretched service I've gotten from LCTV/CableLynx... but I'm not holding my breath. Looks like I might be calling or visiting on Monday.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:06 PM | TrackBack

October 05, 2005

Blogger Goes Down

You see... it's at this point in time that I can't help but notice that the SC blog system is up and the Blogger system is down. Thus, as it would appear, it is the perfect time to appeal for those of you who are on the dark side to come to the SC.

Yes, we have a post/comment system that doesn't go down at the whims of Blogger... friendly local admins, and a reliable host. So, if you feel that you ought to consider hopping in, drop me an email at v.e+n-g=e,f`u~l&c^y$n%i'c\ [at] shadowcouncil.org. Heck... even if you haven't been invited by name and you're interested, drop me a line. The bandwidth is there, as is the web-space. That, and we haven't put Ardith through the wringer lately... and we know she needs to be working harder than she is right now.

This means you: Martinez, Barbour, Sharpton, Scott, Paige, and Rachel. Oh, and our Xanga associates Melby and Fleetman are more than welcome to leave their crappy digs as well. I mean, I would make an offer every time Xanga screws up... but that would be a bit harsh.

Oh, and I apologize to anyone who may feel neglected by a lack of a personal mention... it's late and I'm sure to have forgotten to invite someone who ought to ditch Blogger. So by all means, even if you've been slighted by a non-mention, take this as a invitation to get out of your web-slum and into a nicer place.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:00 PM | TrackBack

October 04, 2005


Upon linking up MoM Gullman and Paige's Mom (I'm not sure what to even call her... Mrs. Garner seems too formal and calling peoples' moms by their first names doesn't work either) I have realized that I lack clever (read: subtly insulting) names for their links.

Thus, I am forced into the unhappy solution of straightforward links... a solution I hope to rectify. This forces one of two solutions:
1) Their progeny must say entertaining things about them, (embarassing stories are allowed) and I will use such entertaining quotations to craft meaningful link titles.
2) Other people must say entertaining things about them, (embarassing stories still allowed) and I will judge and declare the worthiest anecdote, quip, joke, pun, or other amusement to be the winner.

As a matter of fact, I shall combine the two groups... and declare the "Mock Your Mom" contest.

The rules are simple: don't offend the Cynic, amuse him instead. The four winners (let's not leave the other mothers out) will receive a care package of my choosing. I take no responsibility for those who may potentially be disowned or removed from the family will: you participate at your own risk. Submittor beware.

Hey Moore, FOOD.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:35 PM | TrackBack

October 03, 2005

New Linkage

I realized the other day that I've neglected linking Rachel's mom to the sidebar. And then I saw Paige's mom comment somewhere, and then I realized that there should clearly be some SC stalking of MoCK going on... so I've gone and linked all of the LU moms I know of (Mom Miller counts due to her being the mother of our adopted sister... who is now also an LU student by proxy) into one section.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 10:19 PM | TrackBack