October 30, 2006

Why I Voted Kinky

As I went into the voting booth on Sunday for Early Voting, I went in with a heavy heart and an unsure stance. You see, for me, as for many with whom I associate, there is no good candidate for Texas Governor. Allow me to explain.

Many of my friends and I (with certain exceptions) have been raised Republicans since we drew the Republican breast-milk from our mothers, lest we be tainted and warped by the foul mind-warping Democratic formula administered by men whose liberated wives were too busy to be feeding infants. In any event, as we grew older, we were informed that the Republican Party was God's Chosen Party and that George W. Bush was God's Chosen Leader for America. And since God's Chosen Leader left behind such a capable man as Richard Perry to govern in his stead over God's Chosen State, who were we to question?

But seriously... if you've been a Republican your whole life and your whole family treats the political party as akin to religion (leaving out, for a minute, the party's flagrant campaigning on the basis of religion), it's a bit hard to step out and be the black sheep who might vote Democrat. Many, myself included, drew hope from the presence of Carole Keeton Strayhorn... right up until the point where she made an ass out of herself trying to get "Grandma" Strayhorn on the ballot and until, at least for me, a closer examination of her issues revealed that she hoped to increase spending, cut taxes, and draw the balance out of the ether... or something.

"Alright," said I, "let's do this. Let's cross party lines and vote Democrat." And then I noticed something. Unlike most Texas Democrats who will try to avoid the issues of abortion and gun control, owing to the fact that most Texans are rather Republican in their stances on both, Chris Bell had come out in a rather strong stance even for a Democrat and refused to vote against partial-birth abortion and was in favor of gun registration and a ban on assault rifles. Well, this kind of got me to investigating Chris Bell a bit more and challenging my earlier assumption that he wasn't the kind of Democrat who I disliked. Now, would he be a better governor than Rick Perry? Probably. But I just couldn't vote in good conscience for someone whose politics vary that drastically with mine... especially considering that Bell's only real selling point in the first place is "not Rick Perry."

And this leaves me with Kinky. Now, really... I couldn't vote for Kinky in a real political election which caused me to dismiss him out-of-hand at first. And then I looked at Austin and I took a hard look at my choices. Honestly, Kinky is the best out of the four precisely because he's not a real political candidate. He's like Jesse Ventura: if he gets elected, it will be because all of the alternatives sucked that much. To my wife's questions of Kinky's political stance being better than Bell's, my response is that it's more or less identical, balancing some improvements for some downsides... and honestly, if I've got to swallow some bile and vote for someone who I really don't trust or like, I'd rather vote Kinky.

I guess that will be my new mantra: "Vote Kinky, Because Texas Deserves It"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at October 30, 2006 10:06 PM | TrackBack