As yesterday was my birthday, my gracious wife baked a large contingent of cookies. These pastries were distributed this morning at my place of employment, and announced via email. Read on and appreciate the exchange of thought centered on these delicious pastries.
From: David Moore
Sent: Wednesday, October 22, 2008 7:42 AM
To: A400 Project Team
Subject: Cookies because...
There are chocolate mint-chocolate cookies by the Pop Machine on the second floor of HQ, between the escalators on the west side.
They are there in honor of my birthday yesterday, by the grace of my amazing wife.
Also, let this be a lesson to those of you who brought food in the past and didn't give sufficient directions for me to find it.
- David Moore
-----Inquisitive Student Seeks Knowledge-----
From: ##### ########t
Sent: Wed 10/22/2008 7:50 AM
To: David Moore
Subject: RE: Cookies because...
What's a Pop Machine? Which way's west? Were these cookies baked fresh today? Happy birthday.
-----All-knowing Master of Food Provides the Light of Knowledge------
From: David Moore
Sent: Wednesday, October 22, 2008 8:02 AM
To: ##### ########t
Subject:RE: RE: Cookies because...
I never pass up the opportunity to educate a willing pupil.
The "Pop Machine" (or "machina de soda" for those of latino descent) is an aboriginal species of Indiana. Often seen prowling hallways or conferences centers, this pack animal preys on the weak and hungry, seeking to extort restitution for refreshment at exorbitant prices by shear strength of convenience. The road-wise traveler may parry its advances by preparing victuals in advance to ward off dangerous encounters.
West (or "left" for those of map-reading origins) is the direction in which adventurers and explorers have traditionally forayed for centuries, often in search of wealth, new lands, or food. In this tradition of self-sufficiency and natural resource exploitation I have placed the cookies on the west side of the escalators, symbolizing my personal journey towards self-enlightenment through the consumption of chocolate. The experienced traveler will also be able to locate these cookies by olfactory sensation alone: the directive was provided for those as yet in training.
"Were the cookies baked fresh today?" is, in itself, a question lacking context necessary for interpretation. The use of past tense establishes a de-facto boundary: by implying the cookies were baked in the past it rules out an entire half of the time-space continuum. It is hardly fair for a question to halve the answer-space in the first word. However, the question may be easily answered by transferring it to the time-space of the day in which the cookies were baked. In this context, I can unequivocally assure you that, on the day the cookies were baked, shortly after they were baked, "these cookies" were "baked baked fresh today". Present context is excluded for the sake of clarity.
I hope you enjoyed them, thanks.
- David Moore
My lovely wife and I decided to come up with some household rules, to aid in the governance of our eventual progeny.
1. Mom and Dad are always right.
2. Mom is righter then Dad.*
3. If Mom or Dad are proved wrong, refer to rule #1.
4. All rules must be memorized.
5. Rules instantiated post-event are still applicable to that event.
6. The rules are fair.
7. The rules are not fair.
8. The rules do not apply to Mom and Dad.
9. All the rules do not necessarily have to be divulged.
11. If the door to your parent's room is closed, stay away as you value your mortal soul (and mental health).
12. A clean room is next to godliness. In fact, it is godly in and of itself. (refer to rule #8).
13. Argument and debate over the rules is encouraged. It is also never successful.
15. Residents of age greater then 10 must pay for housing and food expenses.
16. No reading modern fiction without reading everything written before it.
17. The censor must approve of all printed materials brought on the premises.
18. Thou shalt fix my internets.
19. Fights and arguments amongst progeny are permissible insomuch as they do not disturb our royal slumber.
20. The rules are sekrit. Tell NO ONE.
* Certain articles are under debate between the parental figures. No, you don't get out of them.
Are we missing anything key to a happy and well-rounded child-rearing career?
Also, those who have had or are planning to have children shortly are encouraged to use this resource, albeit with credit (and royalties).