October 18, 2004

In Honor of Monday

You know you're in trouble when...
(1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
(2) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
(3) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
(4) Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
(5) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then remember that you don't have a waterbed.
(6) Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate.

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 12:22 AM | TrackBack

February 05, 2004

Republicans and Democrats

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don`t know where I am."

The woman replied, "Your are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be a republican," said the balloonist.

"I am," said replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you`ve not been much help so far."

The woman below responded. "You must be a democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don`t know where you are or
where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a
large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea
how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you
are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now,
somehow, it`s my fault."

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at 03:44 PM | TrackBack