May 12, 2010

The Enemies He Keeps

I was thinking a lot about disagreements that I maintain with others and I've decided that even more than the friends I keep, I can be told by the enemies I keep. And that's why I've decided that when I die, I want my funeral picketed by Westboro Baptist.

See, there are some people who you want to be loved by, but that really doesn't say as much, because the really admirable people by whom you want to be beloved are really loving people and love everyone. And respect, well, I think respect is a hard-earned commodity amongst those whose respect I would crave... but respect isn't all that powerful of a thing next to love and hate. And hate... while I certainly wouldn't encourage that sort of behavior, it does leave a lasting impact.

Think about really great people: George Washington, Mahatma Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, John Wilberforce, Pope John Paul II ... people who did great things and lead people to greatness. Were they loved and respected by many? Certainly... but they were also hated. And really, take Abraham Lincoln for example... who hated Lincoln? White supremacists and slave owners numbered amongst many of those who hate(d) Lincoln. You could do a whole lot worse than to be hated by a bunch of bigoted Klansmen.

So, you see... that's why I'm being so careful about the people who hate me. If I can get the stupid and the enemies of education in that corner, I'll be doing well. If I can get the closed-minded and the bigoted, so much the better. And really, the end goal of this would be to get the people who are so willfully stupid and hateful that they think 9/11 happened because there are gay people in this country. After all, what does it say about you when a group whose specialty is hating good people like American Soldiers and Mr Rogers takes the time to picket your funeral? Obviously, I would be even happier if hate-filled morons would go away altogether... but failing that, I would settle for being the subject of the hate of such idiots.

And while I'm hand-picking the morons who hate me, I would take some cultists... Scientologists if I get my pick. Also Holocaust-deniers and some of those people who think the moon landing was a joke. And just so long as we're obliging my desires, if I could get the Iranian cleric who thinks that boobs are the cause of plate tectonics to hate me, I'd be down with that. I mean, I'm not sure I'm up to the level of Salman Rushdie or anything, but would a hate-filled email or two be too much to ask?

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at May 12, 2010 09:37 PM | TrackBack