October 21, 2005

The Idiot's Guide to Job . . . For Dummies

by Daniel and Jared

(Here is our "epic limerick" from last night's Reading the Bible as Lit presentation, complete with scripture references where relevant for the material we drew from the book of Job.)

NARRATOR: There once was a legend named Job. (1:1)
To shun evil and fear God, he strove. (1:8)
Then Satan went up, (1:6)
And said to God, "'sup?"

GOD: "Consider my servant Job." (1:8)

NARRATOR: So Satan began to connive,
Not one of Job's kids did survive, (1:18-19)
His cattle were gone, (1:13-17)
His burdens piled on,
And servants alone now survive. (1:15-17,19)

WIFE: What a foolish old man you are!
To let all of this go so far!
Curse God and die, (2:9)

JOB: Never! Not I!
Not even when life is sub-par. (2:10)

I wish that I'd never been born (3:3)
My life would not be so forlorn
With sores I'm accursed. (2:7-8)
Man! This is the worst! (9:21)
And even my clothes are all torn! (1:20)

ELIPHAZ: Such wonderful friends this Job has.
Now let's see, there's me, Eliphaz. (4:1)
Zophar and Bildad, (11:1,8:1)
Those two aren't so bad,
But they can be a pain in the . . . butt.

Can a man be more righteous than God? (4:17)
Yeah, that might be true, only NOT!
So repent of your sin, (8:4-6)
Whatever it's been,
And God will improve on your lot.

JOB: I haven't done anything wrong (31:1-40)
I don't even sing bawdy songs.
Your theory is flawed,
I've never cursed God. (2:10)
Have you guys been hitting the bong?

ELIPHAZ: Come on, dude, that cannot be true! (8:2)
God can't just be picking on you. (8:3)
So stop belly-aching
We know that you're faking
Repent and all this will be through. (8:4-6)

JOB: So God, what is all this about? (7:17-21,10:1-22)
Some children are calling me 'lout.' (30:1,9)
You've known all along, (31:1-40)
I've done nothing wrong.

ELIHU: So you're just gonna sit there and pout? (32:2-3)

I am a young man, but a wise one (32:6-9)
You old guys stop talking; you're done. (32:18-33:2)
The words from my mouth,
Are coming right out,
They're right on the tip of my tongue.

What do you think? That God's sleeping?
His answers around you are creeping. (33:14-22)
He could speak through a quake,
Or a cake your wife baked,
You might hear him if you could stop weeping.

So hearken ye now to this lightening. (36:27-37:24)
It's terribly, terribly frightening.
I see you're all balking,

GOD: Are you guys still talking?
Oh, now my frustration is heightening.

Who darkens my counsel today? (38:2)
Now I'll ask, and you'll answer, OK? (38:3)
Now you'd better get comfy,
Get your cushions all fluffy,
Because I'm gonna be yelling at you for the next four chapters or so, sound good? (37:1-41:34)

What?! God can't change the meter? *ahem* Excuse me.

Do you think you can argue with me? (40:2)
Well go right ahead, and we'll see!

JOB: Well, gee, I don't know, (40:4-5)

GOD: That's right, you don't know!
You think what I do is so easy?

You think you can rouse the Leviathan? (41:1)
You think that you can? Try again!

AUTHORS: But we had no idea
About what to write here,
Because nothing rhymes with Leviathan!

JOB: "Who darkens my counsel?" you asked. (42:3)
In your glory I never had basked. (42:5)
So now that we've met,
To convey my regret,
I'll break out the sackcloth and ash. (42:6)

NARRATOR: Job's story now draws to an end.
He offered up prayers for his friends. (42:9-10)
And God took his trouble, (42:10)
And gave him back double.
To God be the glory. Amen.

Posted by Jared at October 21, 2005 09:01 PM | TrackBack