February 08, 2006

Hear Me, People of Comidastan.

To: The people of Comidastan
From: Esteemed President David Moore
Re: Our Glorious State

People of Comidastan, I am proud to announce that our nation has risen from the ashes of the USSR stronger and more peaceful than that nation ever was. We shall establish a government of strength, justice, and freedom. Specifically, I shall be more than happy to rule as your esteemed and benevolent monarch.
Is not monarchy dead? Are not all monarchs merely figures of state? No! Witness the problems and tribulations, the political turmoils of those “advanced” democratic nations. Their governments are in constant upheaval. By their very own laws their leaders are thrown down from office every few years, and must waste time and resources simply seeking to keep position. I will not have this sort of waste in return for something as fickle as the happiness of my people.
The great philosopher Machiavelli said “The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” For this purpose I have chosen two great men of learning as my advisers. First, the esteemed Mr. Hobbes has seen fit to join me in my battle for peace and justice. His views and strong commitment to monarchy suit him well for his position, and you, my people, would do well to learn from him. Several of his enlightened truths will be of great interest to you. First, I cannot, by my very nature, be accused of injustice. I am President! I have the right to quiet those voices that seek to bring instability to our blessed land. You, the people, must not think that you are fully capable of judging good and evil actions. For this purpose I have made laws. Do not think that in our state of peace I should restrain my power. Chiefly, do not ever pretend that I, the ruler, am under the petty law that has been set up. Hobbes is a good and wise adviser, and I see great things ahead for him.
My second adviser, as a monarch is at times in need of second opinions, is the enlightened Machiavelli. His advice will guide me to preserve that most precious and central part of our government: myself. And with his help, I shall never fail to appear as the greatest and most understanding of leaders. He has already aided me greatly in the prioritization of our capital, and our now fully funded military stands ready to defend me (and us) at any expense. Be wary! I know my rule is right and just and will take any measure necessary to preserve and maintain it. In this vein Machiavelli has been most direct. “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both,” says he, but I, of course, intend to be both.
With these men beside me I foresee a long and glorious history stretching before our nation. Times may rise and fall, but we will ever climb to great heights of civilization. As the greatest monarchy of the twenty-first century, we can have no other destiny. Fear us, kingdoms of the world. Honor us, you alliances of lesser peoples. Any who fail to account for our might are doomed to fall. All who honor and praise us will be rewarded. The world stands ripe for the picking like fresh blueberries, and I am hungry.

Posted by Moore at 10:25 AM