22 February 2004 - Sunday


This post functions as the archive for quotations formerly posted in my sidebar.


Dr. Olson: "That's a praise and a prayer. I never heard of cherry butter."

Dr. Hood: "This is gonna be a whole lot of next."

Ms. Knouse: "I never understood why people would want to have so much skin showing. I say cover it up and let 'em guess a little bit."

Wheeler: "As soon as I heard 'slushie,' I knew it was gonna be bad."

Jed: "I'm a Methodist. And I'm outraged."

Moore: "'Natural family planning' sounds a lot like running around with a shotgun in the dark."

Michaela: "Stupid little people."

Dr. Solganick: "I think I need padded walls."

Anna: "'Crap' has a negative connotation."

Shroud: "Aww, I got to be a communist."

Ziggy: "So woman is law."

Martinez: "It's like making a pun out of a chair and a chihuahua."

Dr. Solganick: "But I go through all sorts of gyrations to keep you awake."

Moore: "Unfortunately, 'Abraham' and 'bosom' are two separate words."

Dr. Watson: "You'll be middle-aged someday. I just hope I'm alive to see it!"

Dr. Austin: "We began to dream, and dreams became ideas, and ideas became words, and words became sketches."

Michaela: "You remind me of Oscar Wilde. Except for the homosexuality."

Tom: "She's feminine. She has wiles."

Martinez: "He's like Dr. Seuss, only better, because he's God."

Anna: "I cannot defend women anymore if this continues!"

Rachel: "You should get out of those overalls as quickly as possible. You act weird in them."

Melby: "I have never considered the feminine form of anything."

Uncle Doug: "Oh, man, I wish I could remember these things when I start talking about them."

Dr. Olson: "It's un-American not to have seen The Princess Bride."

Martinez: "So, how was the meeting? And why did I forget to bring utensils?"

Rachel: "Ow! Ow! That's my hip! I'm not ticklish on my hip!"

Melby: "No, they're pretty people. They're blond."

Ardith: "Love is stupid."

Rachel: "Sounds like he's dying or talking about his dog."

Dr. Castro: "The first week is the honeymoon week. On the honeymoon, you learn about each other, right? So we're going to learn how we work together now."

Scholl: "They are so going to bow down to me eventually."

Melby: "'Maybe' always gave me trouble. I never thought it could be as simple as M-A-B-Y."

Melby: "I really should think about what my mouth is saying before I say it."

Sharpton: "Yeah, well, somebody's gotta ride herd on these females."

Anna: "I'm telling you, the kids are frying my brain cells!"

Wheeler: "You've had that nose for twenty-four friggin' years. Play with it some other time."

Scott: "I was a rebel as a child, so I went Presbyterian."

Randy: "Ha! Fog, you have been impaled."

Scholl: "No, actually I had a larger shovel than Mom did. I had the largest shovel."

Paige: "Why do guys have to be so moral?"

Scholl: "I mean, that's my M.O. -- people."

Sharpton: "In other words, if LeTourneau shifted into a mine shaft, we'd all be in trouble."

Wheeler: "What? No, no, no, no! My character is not brave!"

Gallagher: "It's a long time for him not to swear about babies."

Scholl: "It's the cornucopia, dawg. It just showed up and started shooting nutrition at people."

Gallagher: "Sorry. I became an idiot."

Scholl: "I've been Kwanzaa-spammed!"

Gallagher: "Mmm. Flames. Aaugh!"

Toad: "David, stop looking at Wilson and imagining him in a habanero suit!"

Scholl: "Forgive me for not being as well versed in the tea as you."

Scott: "You're centering your hot dog."

Moore: "Wilson! Agh! It scares me that I have to go back to my room and finish a presentation that you're already waiting for."

Dr. Kubricht: "And I'm not sure what this SpongeBob guy is all about . . . This may be a vision of what people will be like five years from now."

Dr. Hood: "Anna's an audit, so she can come and go as she pleases. And then I kick her."

Wheeler: "They're on the cusp of flapper."

Amy: "I think you would be most interesting in a twitterpated state."

Scholl: "Those shorts are a hate crime."

Moore: "And so I don't have to sleep to make the ping good."

Anna: "Shut up! It's a happy lovey moment!"

Dr. Kubricht: "These fetishes that people develop -- like Tootsie Roll Pops or something. It just grabs you."

Moore: "Why do I get beat up by people who take classes?"

Dr. Carl: "This is the square Jesus thing again. The next time I give a chapel speech: 'Jesus is like SpongeBob.'"

Barbour: "He's proposing to Sharpton. Just leave now."

Dr. Solganick: "The English department is Nosferatu."

Scholl: "I've been typewritered!"

Gallagher: "I think I might just have to grow a goatee and become obscene."

Wheeler: "It didn't smell much worse than papaya -- which is to say, rotting vomit."

Gallagher: "Whose posterior thinks I said that?"

Scott: "In fact, I like all of Cancer."

Ashley: "I don't like him anyway, so he's just a friend of mine."

Wheeler: "Which came first: Sodom or the Hippocratic Oath?"

Gallagher: "The Phoenicians! Somebody think of the Phoenicians!"

Dr. Solganick: "You're nothing but a biochemical heap!"

Scholl: "If somebody took your purse, you'd just have to smack them, silly."

Rachel: "It's my shoe!"
Gallagher: "Yes, and it's my bladder!"

Scott: "Capital 'C.' I said it with a capital 'C.'"

Ardith: "Yay! There's porridge in the Calc 3 homework."

Dr. Kubricht: "Nations often don't realize how inferior they are, but everyone else can see . . . you're inferior."

Dr. Solganick: "That's my shower theme. I'm Julie Andrews."

Dr. B—: "Who have been the buggers in your life?"

Moore: "It's anything on the menu, fifty percent off. I can't wait to be sixty!"

Dr. Kubricht: "If you see yourself as a man of destiny, you're going to accomplish more than if you see yourself as a man of incompetence."

Wheeler: "Why do I have all the ditzy quotes?"

Cousin Jared: "Do not — I repeat, DO NOT — dis the Dunst."

Randy: "I wish I had something explicit and offensive."

Amy: "He's my backstage fairy."

Milton: "He's my backstage fairy."

Randy: "Nicole Kidman makes me want to stick nails in my ears."

Ardith: "I was never a teenager in my life!"

Dr. Carl: "How do you represent Jesus graphically?"

Dr. B—: "Have you ever taken courses where you just memorize? You don't have to think?"

Dr. Kubricht: "Christina, why do women like short, fat little Frenchmen?"

Ardith: "I think I've gotten stupid in my old age."

Scholl: "I think Shakespeare just offended me."

Dr. Solganick: "What's your major?"
Scott: "Mechanical engineering."
Dr. Solganick: "Oh, God."

Dr. B—: "What I want to do in this class is not only warm your heart but sharpen your head."

Moore: "I watch Star Trek to see them blow up aliens, not save whales."

Mrs. Mays: "I mean that in a nice way; they're the nicest passive-aggressives you'll ever meet."

Scholl: "Freud makes everything better."
Dr. Watson: "You people are always writing down things that I say . . . I'm writing that down!"

M. Prévost: "Because if you put these assignments off during the semester, it's like letting the dog bite you on the rear end when you leave."

M. Prévost: "Clothing don't have intelligence."

M. Prévost: "We've gotta fix these languages so they can be more logical! OK, you guys are swift."

M. Prévost: "I ask the question: 'Is étudier chopped liver?'"

Moore: "Book-on-book action!"

Wheeler: "Why are people violently blinking at me?"

Scholl: "I do believe that's the first time I've seen a lecherous jalapeńo."

Wheeler: "The archetypal redneck of literature -- who would that be?'"

Scholl: "That's a pretty good deal, if you can pull it off."

Wilson: "That's what it was -- I've misplaced my halo."

Leatherwood: "If you choose to be single all your life, Paul will love you."

Uncle Danny: "My students are the dregs of society. Literally."

Aunt Sherry: "I'm just encouraging him to make something real, 'cause I'm a touchy person."

Ardith: "Dude. This is Iowa. Nobody poisons the ice cream."

Scholl: "Do you suppose a group of Baptist cowboys could put down an ELH-2 revolt?"

Uncle Doug: "I need me a woman."

Dr. Kubricht: "There's something in the tea. I think it's from North Burma."

Ardith: "Fudgy things are overrated."

Scholl: "I said, 'The monkeys of love won't come for you,' and there went my [freaking] tongue!'"

Dr. Castro: "I don't believe in ethics too much."

Lynn: "He's so clever. He must be a man!"

Martinez: "It didn't work with God; it won't work with us."

Dr. R. V. Hood: "In many ways I think that Jesus really broke the mold."

Scholl: "Jude is, like, the verse-hopping springboard of doom."

Sharpton: "Dang it! Why do I have to be such a dummkopf?"

Ardith: "I want some napalm."

Dr. R. V. Hood: "Some people think it's sacrilegious. Don't take away my chocolate."

Dr. Carlson: "If you two want to be alone, you can use my office."

Milton: "I was, like, 'Wow. Demons suck.'"

Sharon: "Drat not being a guy!"

Scholl: "Sorry. I get all excited when France gets invaded."

Dr. R. V. Hood: "My stuff always falls out of my brain. I've got a hole in the back here."

Moore: "Now you can be uncomfortably Mexican."

Wheeler: "I'd rather not think about your virility, Wilson!"

Ardith: "I don't want to give the fish a bicycle."

Dr. Kubricht: "Actually, an older girl should marry a younger guy, because then they die about the same time. It cancels out the life expectancy."

Ziggy: "Wenched. Ow, my logic!"

Scott: "Booze me, woman!"
Ardith: "I am so not buying you liquor."

Dr. Kubricht: "Is that an oxymoron? 'West Virginia Board of Education'?"

Dr. R. V. Hood: "I always come up with great ideas either when I'm warming up cookies or when I'm going to the bathroom."

Ardith: "But-b-b-b-but, no! You don't let people like that be pyros!"

Martinez: "It's a minus sign that's had one too many whiskeys."

Gillis: "Ironic. My to-do list involves death and taxes."

Wheeler: "Why do you keep referring to Wilson as 'people'?"

Scholl: "Can I have my low standards back?"

Wheeler: "I know it's bread; that's why it's funny."

Mark: "Intelligence, you probably don't need."

Wheeler: "Great chuzzy lunch menus, Batman!"

Dr. Coppinger: "Facial hair is a very good thing .... on men, on men."

Scholl: "Dude. I can't eat right without my goatee."

Prof. Payton: "Sounds like a formula for a short story. 'I was stalked by the Easter Bunny.' You never know what kinds of creeps are in those suits."

Gallagher: "How does that work?! I do not want a spherical chicken!"

Lynn: "You are of Dutch origin. You should be regulated."

Gallagher: "We get all the other grits off this one mother grit."

Jay Kessler: "I like the V8 engine. I think it's godly and American."

Scholl: "Martinez, tell us about the folly of messing with God."

Milton: "Whoa. That was nutty-pants, right there."

"But they passed the law for the public good. They don't want every Tom, Dick, and Harry slaughtering stuff in the garage." -- Dr. Kubricht

"Waaugh! My memory just caught up with the conversation!" -- Moore

"Sharptiano and I are the fruit squad, waiting for the fruit to appear." -- Moore

"But you could not lift a kid who was carrying a bag of money unless the kid was dead." -- Colin

"Don't make me can-can. There's only one of me." -- Scott

"Wow. Wow. I'm just trying to imagine life without a back." -- Amy

"I know. It's this morning-after problem." -- Mrs. Mays

"I have these little heresy buttons that go 'Mee-ah! Mee-ah! Mee-ah!'" -- Dr. Hood

"It bugs the fire out of me. People are who." -- Mrs. Stuckey

"That's what the law is all about -- finding stupid little paths to places." -- Lynn (a history/polisci major)

"I just used the word modicum. I don't say modicum!" -- Scott

"There's nothing a woman can do for you that Perl can't." -- Gallagher

"I find that it's the belly dancer that really makes the wedding reception. Write that down." -- Dr. Watson

"I like moisture in my pastry. And taste. Taste is good too." -- Wheeler

"They fuzzed my math!" -- Anna

"I had just had two cookies, and was feeling rather valiant." -- Moore

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| Report submitted to the Frivolity Desk , Reference Desk