19 January 2004 - Monday

Of introverts and elitists

[ Despite the fact that the entry formerly listed here seems to have struck a chord with certain portions of the audience, I have judged it easily misunderstood, pointlessly controversial, and inadvertently offensive. It was meant to shed light on the ways I form close friendships, but instead it may have (falsely) indicated a willingness to be arrogant and unfriendly. In short, it may have been seen as meaning the opposite of what I intended. I have therefore removed it from circulation. ]

| Posted by Wilson at 19:22 Central | TrackBack
| Report submitted to the Life Desk

Yeah, that sounds familiar. Except my DAD is the one that gets ME into these things. He's really annoying like this . . .

So, when I came to Summer Edge, I came with someone from "my" church (you know, the one in Lubbock that I sort of attend for a few weeks every year or two . . . it's also a rather large church). My parents know his grandpa, who works in Mexico or something, so we get all connected and now I'm with him and his mother and my brother, going down to LeTourneau.

We talked a very little bit on the way. I mostly read. He had read two of the books I was reading, and that was good for a few seconds. We got to LeTourneau . . . unloaded the car . . . and pretty much split for the weekend. He was on a different team, in a different building, having to attend to different concerns (his Calc I credit wasn't coming through or something and he had to take a test). The drive back was just as quiet as the drive there, maybe more. Didn't see him again until we got back to Longview. Barely saw him then.

My dad is a major networker. He loves being connected every which direction, knowing all about everyone . . . He quizzed me extensively on the post-graduation plans of the seniors when I was a junior, and again on the plans of my 16 member high school class, and couldn't believe I didn't know. I didn't know hardly anyone in the class above me, and I certainly didn't care where they were headed. He couldn't understand this.

So when he would repeatedly ask me how Travis was doing he just didn't get that . . . I didn't connect with the guy. He lived in Tyler (on 1B, even . . . I think), and I never ever ever went to Tyler. I had no classes with, or even near him. I saw him MAYBE once a week, across the room in SAGA. Every now and then, when we'd pass each other for whatever reason, we'd feel obligated to stop and talk for a few minutes. Always lots of awkward silences, one would half start away as the other said something, and this would keep up until we were far enough apart to respectably turn and leave. Bleah. It sucked. And my dad didn't get it. We had so much in common! From the same town . . . both know some of the same people . . . How could we help but be good friends?

Well, he isn't here anymore, after last spring. But now there is another. A freshman from a city near Lubbock who was in a group that went down for short-term missions at our orphanage. So now there's another guy I have to be good friends with, for obvious reasons. I had them on my back to go visit the guy (a basketball player and Thomas 1er, I believe) all last semester. I finally met him, by chance, in the library one evening during finals week (heehee). There was a brief, awkward conversation, and I haven't seen him since. Yay.

I don't react well . . . or at all, really . . . to forcing these things. If I become friends with someone, it will happen in a very natural, albeit slow, way, almost as if by chance, and in such a manner that no one can ever point to an hour, a day, or maybe even a week when, suddenly, we were friends. That's just how I operate. It wasn't, once . . . but I'm tired of typing. We'll see where this discussion goes, and maybe I'll go further with it.

The thoughts of Blame Jared on 20 January 2004 - 1:09 Central
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Hmm. Judging by the early returns in the Reader Survey, I wonder if I should have made a clearer distinction between mere intelligence (which means very little to me) and a certain kind of philosophical/cerebral mindset. My comment about SAT scores was probably a bit misleading. Oh, well.

In any case, I am keenly aware that what I posted here means only that I am not a very well-rounded or personable individual. It is a limitation on my part; I am certainly not proud of it. It is a lingering reflection of the fact that I was painfully shy (even getting my picture taken was difficult) when I was younger. Other introverts comment on how ridiculously quiet I was back then. I write about it only because I hope that I will be able to overcome it, one way or another, if I can only learn how to communicate at a deep level with different sorts of people.

The thoughts of Wilson on 21 January 2004 - 19:29 Central
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