If you ran across a book that started like this (or had this as the summary), would you read it?
Alright, so I'm going to assume that because you're going off to college, you have bought or someone else has bought for you a great book about doing everything right at college. Maybe you've been taking advice from your parents, counselors and teachers, and perhaps you're getting the inside scoop from admissions people at the college you're going to. Rest assured that I'm not going to tell you how to do everything right at college.
I'm going to assume (and if this doesn't apply to you, you can go away) that eventually you're going to want to cut class, wait until the last day to write a paper, pull a last-minute cram session, or something of the like. It's for times like those, that this book will help you. I won't lie, I'm not 4.0 student... but I will tell you that I've gotten away with more in 4 years than most students will in a whole lifetime, and it's because I know how to use the loop-holes, work time to my advantage, and take advantage of a good thing when I see it. So if you want an adventurous 4 (or 5) years of the best time of your life, why don't we see if I can get some of my magic to work for you?*
*note: I am currently pulling one of my class-skipping tricks even as I write this paragraph
Now that's a pretty list of cities:
American Cities That Best Fit You:
|70% New York City|
|65% Washington, DC|
Again, thank the Wench.
I must say I'm slightly bothered that I speak a bit of Dixie-fied English, even if 80% of my dialect is either generically American or Yankee-derived.
Your Linguistic Profile:
|45% General American English|
|0% Upper Midwestern|
c/o The Wench
Maybe it's a sign that I'm finally starting to get a tad too old for this place that I'm finally becoming exhausted with the petty neanderthal activity that passes for amusement amongst many college guys. I'm not going to begin to claim that I'm immune to such activity, nor especially that I haven't participated in it in the past, but the inconsiderate immaturity around here is really starting to get on my last nerve.
The particular object of my ire today is the segment of campus known as 2A, not because they are the only perpetrators, but because they are reliably the worst. Today was the annual Senior Awards chapel. I must say that at least this year they managed to have the decency not to have floor members walk up to the stage in a motorcycle helmet to receive awards, so at least there is some improvement from last year. That said, whenever a member of the floor (or their sister floor) had his or her name read, the entirety of the floor would shout loudly and prolongedly and then begin to make catcalls for the next 30 to 40 seconds. The overall effect was like unto a crowd at a football game after their team scores. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be congratulatory when their friends are recognized, but there is definitely a line between congratulatory and racous. In my mind, that line is crossed far too often at LeTourneau by the guys I go to school with. Maybe this is a problem the world over, but I can't say as that it pleases me to have to tolerate such immaturity.
... but your skirt is ringing. (link is rated PG for anatomical references)
Where have I have been? Well, I must direct your attention over to Wikipedia. More specifically, I must send you over to my page so that you can see the prolific nature that I have taken on. Perhaps it's just that I love doing work that isn't required or something, but I've taken to Wikipedia like a fish to water.
For those of you parents who have had to give the sex ed talk and for those of you who have been on the receiving end of an uncomfortable attempt at sex ed, this comic is for you. I guess it also works for anyone who knew the kid in elementary school who knew far too much about sex. Warning: it's probably PG-13.
Being as that marriage is less than 4 weeks away, Anna and I have been reading a book on sex called Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat and his wife Gaye. That's really not the important part, except that the book discussed spermicide (which I think is a horrible word), condoms and sexually transmitted diseases (this is just to name a few things and really doesn't even characterize the book, but I needed these topics to justify my train of thought.) That first topic gave me the title for this post and the second two topics got me thinking about a game that an old friend Kevin Baba had found back when he lived next door to me on 1B.
Armed with a condom gun and stationed inside a... well... where would you be if you were trying to prevent sperm and virii from getting past you? Anyways, Catch the Sperm 2 is an entertaining way to spend 10 minutes and will surely disturb your roommates. It's also an excellent little promotional for condoms, if you're into that sort of thing, produced by the Swedish game developer Phenomedia.
Has anyone else seen a picture of Camilla Parker-Bowles and wondered what Prince Charles was thinking?
Michael Ensman over at MSNBC was wondering the same thing, and when a pundit starts out his article like this, you know it has to be good:
Just about everything I know about British culture I learned from watching “Monty Python’s Flying Circus.” I could go on and on about my favorite sketches, but the one common thread I noticed in them was how often all the comic gentlemen were dressed in drag.
I believe at some point all the Python guys — John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Graham Chapman, Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam — donned women’s clothing. Needless to say, they looked silly and preposterous. But over the years, I began to think that all British women were really men. I know it’s wrong. I know there are many real women like Kate Winslet and Keira Knightley who easily dispel that notion with their breathtaking beauty. Some perceptions die hard.
Ensman just gets better and better as he goes on, until he really gets loose and rips into Charles for going after Parker-Bowles:
On Saturday, a civil ceremony at Windsor Town Hall lasting approximately 30 minutes — in front of just 30 guests — united the couple, and a service of prayer and dedication followed at St. George’s Chapel. During the latter, Charles and Camilla acknowledged their “sins and wickedness” in front of the Archbishop of Canterbury. This will take place because Charles committed adultery with Camilla while he was still married to Diana.
This made me recall another member of the Python troupe, Carol Cleveland, a real woman who was a former Playboy bunny. Charles committing adultery with Camilla was akin to Cleese tossing aside the buxom Cleveland and making a play for Gilliam dressed in a wig, bonnet and paisley dress. If I were Charles, I would want to atone for that, too.
Go read it yourself. I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard.
Do you think your town has a crazy drunk? You've obviously never heard of Henry Earl of Lexington, Kentucky. That's right, Henry Earl is the world-wide champion drunk with 803 arrests for public drunkenness. He has some fan sites and even a song named after him. To see if Henry Earl is currently incarcerated and to get some stats and random mugshots, click here.
I had forgotten how much worse Kentucky is than anywhere else in the U.S.
As a moderate caveat, it should be noted that this does tend to ramble a bit, but I find it more or less illustrative of my feelings on the subject. Do bear in mind that I hashed this out while sitting in classes if it begins to take on a slightly disjointed feeling from time to time. That said, all comments, ciriticisms and responses are welcome.
The problem of illegal immigration in the United States as it is typically realized is actually a threefold problem of national security, law enforcement and human rights. On these matters, there is increasing debate as one goes down the list, such that I find it most profitable to first address the problem upon which there is the most agreement if only to arrive at a profitable agreement which I may use as a tool later in the discussion.
It should be noted at this point that regardless of controls created upon current illegal immigrants and future immigrants, an open and uncontrolled border such as the one that the U.S. shares with Mexico does not support national security and stands in opposition to any attempts at improving U.S. national security. Further, one should at this moment take pause and consider the lack of national stability and security of Mexico and further emphasize that a nation can only safely exercise an open border with another country if such a country shares similar ideals and is of equal or greater national stability and security. With a country such as Mexico where national security is a farce and nationwide corruption and instability are the rule, it is foolish to turn a blind eye to an open border. Further, to perpetuate such an instrument of national insecurity and instability by inaction is the paramount of foolishness.
Now, on the topic of illegal immigrants, one must first deal with tangential arguments of human rights that plague most discussions on illegal immigration, unnecessarily derailing them and diverting off onto rabbit trails. In short, it must be agreed that every human being has certain inalienable rights that cannot be abrogated, even if a particular individual is either suspected of or convicted of criminal activity. An enumeration of these rights would seem profitable, so we shall draw upon the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as an accepted criterion as accepted by the United Nations General Assembly.
Insofar as the rights of immigrants are concerned, I have several things to note. First, it should be noted that while everyone is construed as having the right to leave any country and return to his own country, it is nowhere construed that anyone has a right to enter a country where he is not wanted. Extrapolating on this, it stands to reason that while a person might have certain rights that cannot be abrogated regardless, there are other rights that he has that are provisional of being a law-abiding and upright resident of the state in which he is located and it could be argued that included in a listing of such rights are the rights to work, a living wage and access to education. In short, no more could I land in Russia and demand a right to a job, a decent wage and an education than an unlawful immigrant should be able to demand such things of the United States and have the denial of such demands construed as a human rights violation. Indeed, such an unlawful entrance into a country could be construed as a voluntary abrogation of many human rights, should an unlawful immigrant be convicted of having broken laws and such a criminal status would carry with it certain penalties such as loss of liberty, exile and property loss. Furthermore, insofar as the illegal alien attempts to trespass where he is not allowed and steal benefits and thus cheapen or remove those benefits from others, it should come as no surprise that the government is now forced to intervene to protect him from the disdain-filled vigilantism that typically follows such crimes.
As a partial aside, I will note that while it is certainly possible and even a proven reality that illegal and inhumane acts on the part of independent operators and even U.S. state and federal law officers have served to violate the rights of illegal immigrants, that is not germane to this discussion. If I will allow that such injustices can be and are perpetrated, surely it can be allowed that the proper oversight would necessarily curb and eliminate such injustices, thus allowing us to progress to the next area of our discussion.
Coming back around, it is thus that I am left to criticize the proposed amnesty (or naturalization or whatever) for illegal aliens. Surely, such an act would allow accounting for those who have already entered the country, but it really doesn't solve the national security problem imposed by the open border with Mexico. Further, such a system for naturalizing immigrants involves, by necessity, the provision of documentation for some mass of undocumented aliens and thus allows another natural loophole with regards to the circumvention of national security. In short, the proposal merely treats the symptom of the existing problem, and that at the cause of the credibility of the laws as they currently stand.
In summary, I have no problems with immigration of a legal variety, nor do I truck with isolationism and indeed, I would love to see immigration policies expanded. While some criticize such a penchant for regulated immigration as bigotry, isolationism and xenophobia, I would counter in saying that a nation must protect her borders, especially in modern times. Further, with the foreign national status of all of the perpetrators of the 9-11 attacks, it is foolhardy to suggest that regulated immigration is nothing more than paranoid xenophobia. I care greatly for human rights, but I care little for those who would presume to unlawfully exploit the generosity of a sovereign nation by circumventing and flaunting her laws.
Everyone should thank Wilson for linking me to this wonderful article on the Onion. The only thing here that really surprises me is that FoxNews or some Fox affiliate hasn't already come up with a counter-terrorism van.
Well, I keep intending to post an essay that I've been working on related to illegal immigration... but I also keep having work to do. Right now I'm embroiled in an IBM project that has already inflicted one all-nighter on me and looks like it might get me with a second (I hope not.)
This is a public service announcement... The Cynic is not dead, but you might wish he was if you run into him on the day after an all-nighter. Consider yourself warned.