Really didn't do much for the 4th. Well, that's not strictly true... we went on a "nature hike" (read: 5 mile hike on a nature trail near my apartment wherein we stopped frequently to allow Anna to take copious pictures), saw Hancock (which really isn't as bad as the reviewers are calling it... it's just really not all that good), and went and "watched" some fireworks (I say "watched" because we only saw the top 40% or so of the detonation field from our distant vantage point, and because it was a very short show.)
Anyways, pursuant to the 4th, we were invited to come out to the middle of jack nowhere:
to spend the 5th of July with the Hoyt Crew, along with two of the members who we brought out from Cedar Rapids in our car.
First off, let me say that the Hoyts were excellent hosts who fed us well and kept us very entertained. I'd like to say that I wasn't a terrible guest... but considering that I kept egging on various children, encouraging civil disobedience, undermining various quality morals and just generally telling stories of my personal unsavory past, I really can't claim to have been anything but. Even so, adults laughed politely while Ma furiously scribbled down an extensive list of heresies, falsehoods and bits of foolishness that she would have to unteach over the next week. For her part, Anna made sure I didn't misbehave too badly while Ardith looked on bemusedly.
We did have a great time, and I learned a great deal about a variety of subjects including horses, engineering, electrocution, ingenuity the wrongness of animal cruelty, the technical difficulties of housing giant squid, the difficulties attendant to painting garage ceilings, the dangers of having children and a variety of other subjects. Really, in my opinion, that last point bears expounding upon in light of all of my friends who are having children.
To paraphrase Pa Hoyt (and I wish I'd taken better notes): children become destroyers of property round about age 2 and it takes them roughly ten years to grow to the point where they reverse this trend, during which time, you spend a lot of time re-fixing things that they break. While it should be noted that others felt this to be a tad on the excessive side, he does have the experience that only fathering 10 children can provide. And really, one only has to look around at the Hoyt homestead to realize that the Loren is a seasoned veteran of and a veritable expert on home improvement and repair... I'd take his word on it if I were you, prospective parents.
In the end, I hope that I didn't break too many minds or cause Ma too much extra work. That said, the kids seem mentally resilient and very well-grounded: I'm confident that they'll figure me out for the menace to society that I am and ignore my radical teachings. And if not... well... I'm sorry Ma: I'll send chocolate.
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at July 5, 2008 10:50 PM | TrackBackThe deprogramming of the children is nearly complete.
And, despite the terrible persona you like to portray of yourself, I found you quite congenial.
I'm assuming you are not nearly as bad as I'd originally thought--trust me, I used to think you quite evil--or that Anna has had a profound mellowing effect upon your being.
It is probably some of both.
Really, the whole day was most enjoyable.
I can only conclude that you have been tamed, and indeed, smiled so very much as to make one believe you are a "happy" person.
My one regret is that we did not pull out the stove to prove that I'd cleaned behind/under it...a task so seldom undertaken as to rank up there with the appearance of Halley's comet.
In general, the family thinks we should have people over more often--an occurrence which, while not affording perfection in housecleaning, does present reasons to shovel through part of the clutter.
Posted by: Ma Hoyt at July 6, 2008 05:03 PMOh come on, I think Mr. Cynic would rather hear that he was terribly annoying, tired us to death and made us waste hours and hours in the kitchen.
Now, it was really nice to visit with Anna.
Posted by: Sharon at July 10, 2008 09:55 PM