November 01, 2006

On Behalf of Joe

As some of you may remember, about a year ago, I befriended a guy named Joe. As others will recall, Joe is a mouse... a mouse who my wife attempted to kill (using me as her unwilling proxy) several times. While many of Joe's cousins have fallen by the wayside, Joe lives to fight for the rights and lives of mice and even the cause of all rodents.

It was with a heavy heart that Joe came to me over the weekend to inform me that a friend of mine had again taken up her jihadi ways against his people. Appparently the notorious Ma Hoyt has again taken to heartlessly murdering mice, including Joe's cousin Jeremy. Joe has since informed me that his attempts at rendering peace with Ma were met with terroristic threats, including the use of spring-loaded WMD's and toxins that make anthrax seem tame.

Even as we attempt to take action through the UN and Department of Homeland Security (hey, mice have rights too), I am urging passive resistance and economic sanctions against Ma "The Hammer" Hoyt. To that end, please refrain from trading any chocolate or other sugar-laden luxuries to this despotic regime. Also, no mouse-traps, poison, or any kind of item that could be used in the production of WMD's should be traded with her at this time. I have reports that she is using apple sauce to bribe some of our weaker-minded allies, but take heart... her apple sauce is filled with poison and you don't want it anyways.

Lastly, take encouragement and boldness from the actions of Comrade Joe, who is even today moving his headquarters to Iowa so that he may better coordinate actions against the evil Hoyt. I will close in his immortal words: "cheeze 4 every1!!"

Posted by Vengeful Cynic at November 1, 2006 08:22 AM | TrackBack