October 29, 2003

Another Really, Really Fun Day in the Life . . .

What a day. No, seriously. Actually it was very sedate, all things considered. I'm feeling something less than coherent right now, so this might not be the best time to write, but if I don't write a blogpost now, then who knows when I will. I have a soccer game at 8:30 and much homework to do before and after that. I shan't burden you with the details . . . right now.

I am told that I got up at 7:15, and I have no evidence to refute that. My first conscious memory is at about 7:30. I was standing in front of Wilson, in SAGA, holding a tray with a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk on it. He was giving me "the look" and I had the vague sense that something was wrong. Then I realized that I had just said, "Good morning," to him . . . fool that I am. I apologized, corrected myself (merely observing that it was, in fact, "Morning"), and sat down to eat.

Then there was Bib Lit and a pop quiz that I was warned about last night by the man himself (in case you're confused, that would be Dr. Woodring). After that we had more lecture. And I fell asleep. Again. 8:00 classes are the spawn of Satan himself. But I didn't sleep as much usual. That's a good thing, right?

I was feeling much more alert than usual while I walked to Western Civ. In fact, I was feeling downright awake as I sat down and started listening to Dr. Kubricht. Class had . . . *pause*

Side note: I'm back from the soccer game now. The crazy machine that is Penn One and Two (Twelve?) destroyed Mabee One. 9-0. It was kind of painful, especially at the end. But at least I got to play a lot. Of course, I was falling all over the place because I have no stupid cleats. Anyway . . .

We're back. So, class had been going on for about . . . I dunno, say thirty minutes. It's all good. I got Martinez sitting in front of me, and he turns around to grin whenever Dr. K says something funny.

Direct quote from Dr. K (on Church History): "In 1313, Constantine issued his decree and it was finally safe for Christianity to 'come out of the closet'."

Then, some professor I've never seen before suddenly appears and calls me out of class, which I thought was weird. So I follow him to his office down the hall . . . he's talking about random stuff the whole time. Martinez follows me. Anyway, we're just standing around his office and he's talking to me. And then he says, "I don't know how familiar you are with the concept of Chivalry," and starts talking about that. I'm thinking, "Where the heck is he going with this?!" About this time I realize that his voice sounds familiar, but I can't quite place. Then, I open my eyes to a faceful of arm . . . which is to say I had my head down on my desk, cushioned by arm. I raise up and realize that it was Dr. K's voice. And he's talking about Chivalry. And I could hear and process and comprehend every word, even though I was asleep. I have to develop this skill . . .

The thing was, I wasn't quite convinced that I had actually woken up when I noticed the two of hearts and the two of diamonds sitting right in front of me . . . that's right, I'm referring to the playing cards. And they really were sitting right in front of me, honest. It didn't take me too many seconds to remember that this is Fall Fest season, where the freakish and insane become commonplace, ordinary and everyday. Hmmm . . . not really all that different from the rest of the year, come to think of it . . . For those of you who are not actually on campus, the playing cards were part of 41's theme. (41 being the name of one of the floors on campus.)

During Fall Fest, most floors pick a monarch to run for the office of King or Queen. Guy floors pick a girl, girl floors . . . well, duh. Each floor spends the week promoting their monarch as much as possible, be it with ad campaigns or . . . well, just about anything goes. Some floors even escort their monarch around campus throughout the day, and 41 is one of those. I'll give them marks for creativity, at least. Their theme last year was Wizard of Oz (unless I am mistaken). This year they are doing Alice in Wonderland . . . err, actually "Erin" in Wonderland (Erin being the name of their queen). The presence of two playing cards in my Western Civ class should be falling into place for most of you right about now.

I passed a few more of them, plus the White Rabbit, on my out the door at the end of class (did I mention that "Alice" is in this class?), and they were joined by the Mad Hatter on the way to SAGA. I've also seen the Cheshire Cat floating about a few times, but the March Hare continues to elude me. This is, obviously, an all-guy floor, so I'm praying I don't get a look at the Queen of Hearts . . .

Let's see . . . after that was lunch, as you may have inferred from my SAGA reference. Then speech . . . *bleah!* And then I went with Scholl to visit professors (which is my euphemism for "causing trouble"). We saw Johnson, Solganick and Coppinger and had a great time.

After this I went to the library, ostensibly to do homework. Sat down in a nice, comfy chair and started reading . . . this was just after 3. Next thing I know, I wake up with the feeling that it is quite late. This is confirmed by a quick glance outside. I was out *cold* for two and a half hours. I know this because Anna walked by and saw me at 4:30. This leads me to believe that I didn't go anywhere without my knowledge during the intervening period. So I sat there for two minutes or so, waiting for everything below my right knee to finish waking up, and then went to supper.

My first thought as I stepped outside the library was, "Holy crap! Are all those people standing in line for SAGA?!" Fortunately, they were not. UN-fortunately, they were standing around waiting to participate in the "monarch cram" or some such Fall-Fest-related nonsense. I'm fuzzy on the details (what am I saying? I'm just fuzzy . . .) but I believe the idea was to be the floor who could cram the most people at once into the small car that was sitting in the midst of the crowd. I did my best to ignore the proceedings, despite seeing quite a number of people that I know in amongst the craziness.

And speaking of craziness, now would be as good a time as any to drop in a random Watson quote or two from Monday's English Lit class:

"I will make you immortal for $10.00."

"Morphine is good stuff."

Hmmm . . . do I have time to . . .? *checks watch* Ah, what the heck. Dr. Watson's chili story: Apparently the Liberal Arts and Sciences office has a chili cook-off every year, and Dr. Watson (being a man of very diverse talents) won best all-around chili last year. Hoping, I suppose, to begin some sort of winning streak, he proceeded recently to whip up a batch this year . . . but unfortunately, "something went amiss." His chili took on the "texture and temperature of molten lava." And, of course, he tested this for himself. And gave a tablespoon to his dog . . . who wound up in intensive care at the vet's for three days. One week later, Dr. Watson himself made a trip to the emergency room, where he was diagnosed with acid reflux (whatever that means and if that's even how one puts it). For those of you who are all gung-ho about context, that's where the morphine quote got dropped in (for those of you who hate context, I will refrain from explaining the immortality). The upshot of all this is that Dr. Watson's batch of chili has cost him $2,500 so far. That's some good stuff, yo.

And now it is time for me to have a little chat with my bed. We haven't spoken in awhile, and I wouldn't want to become estranged. If, for some reason, you need to reach me before about 8:45 tomorrow morning then . . . you won't be able to. Sorry.

While you're waiting, here's some recommended reading that I stumbled across in our wonderful library. Two things: First, regarding the book itself. Edmond Paris is either a total loon (he is French), or I need to join the Jesuits . . . seriously, man. Who needs the Illuminati? Second, while Jack T. Chick is undeniably an utter crackpot and a menace, a little exploration of his site is sure to provide you with much amusement indeed. You can get to all of it out of the link above. Pay special attention to the "tracts" section. For those of you who can't get your hands on a copy on the great book described there, a few pertinent, and hopefull eye-opening, facts: The Catholic Church is, in fact, responsible for a number of atrocities including, but not limited to: the foundation of Islam, World War I, World War II, the Holocaust, and the Kennedy assassination. Consider yourself enlightened. That was my good deed for the day . . . Good night.

Posted by Jared at October 29, 2003 12:53 AM | TrackBack