What the crap is wrong inside my head? Seriously. Today has provided me with all the evidence I need for me to believe I am borderline bipolar. Let me fill you in on some details.
I had (yet another!) play practice today around three o'clock. This was after I had slept in until almost one o'clock. I almost had to crawl out, but I knew that I needed to get out of bed. My sleep cycle does not appreciate vast changes in it. Anyway, once it was almost time I went to see Spaulding and we walked over to the Education Building in order to run through the play yet again. I wasn't exactly thrilled about the practice, but I wasn't angry about it either. I enjoy spending time with the people in Stage Right. Pat even redeemed himself by having us run through only the second act of the play.
After that was over with, I returned to my room and caught a couple episodes of my roommate's current anime project, .hack: sign, and I even read a bit more of Out of the Silent Planet. After a while, my brain got tired (it still hasn't fully recovered from this past week's stresses) so I stopped and did nothing for a while. Eventually, the idea of playing putt-putt golf was thrown out for consideration. After some initial doubts, I was convinced to go and waited for the others to try and get as many more people to go as they could. Finally, twelve people in total climbed into four cars and traveled to the putt-putt course.
About ten minutes before we left, however, I felt something happening inside me. A depression seemed to be falling around me and it apparently decided to take root inside of my head. By the time we were actually on our way (which took far too long for reasons that aren't important), I actually felt some tears wanting to form. I fought them back valiantly, but a couple people noticed that something was wrong. I have absolutely no clue where this mood came from, but it struck hard and fast.
After arriving at the course, I decided that I was going to have fun. Due to the entertainment of watching certain people attempt to play golf, I did have fun. The depression that had threatened to take over my mind earlier had seemingly vanished. The ride back was most entertaining and overwhelmingly embarassing. I don't believe I'll ever take a few people riding around in my car. They are insane.
Unfortunately now, I can feel that mood start to creep back towards me. I'm trying to fight it away, but I can feel it sneaking around my defenses. It's been quite some time since I've felt really depressed. I'm just wondering if I am feeling it now because of my mental exhaustion. I joked earlier today that maybe it is caused from stress withdrawal.
Whatever the cause, I hate feeling depressed. I hate it. The timing of these feelings isn't very helpful, either.
Posted by Randy at April 4, 2004 02:31 AM | TrackBack