April 12, 2003

Personal Reactions

And so ends the first day of this Hell. I went to see both my grandmother and Justin's mother today. Both were taking this very hard. However, of everyone not in my immediate family, my poor grandfather is definitely taking this the worst. I can't even speak to him without tears welling up in his eyes.

I'm exhausted. I want to go to sleep, but right now I can't. I need to sleep. I only got somewhere around four-five hours since I woke up yesterday. Although I don't want to, I may have to take one of those sleeping pills my mom bought. I am worried about my mom. This has been very hard for her. She hasn't slept since yesterday, and I don't think she has eaten anything since yesterday, either.

I went to my house for the first time since I've been back. I've been staying with my parents at the house of a friend of the family. My mom isn't able to go back to the house yet, and looking through it, I see all too clearly why. My sister's swimsuit is still in the bathroom, hanging up from the same place as it always has. The shirt my sister slept in is still laying on the couch from when my mom was doing laundry. My sister's rabbits were still outside in their cages. They had been fed and watered by other family members who had stopped by to take care of some of the animals my family has.

And then there was her room. My sister was the kind of person who loved taking and having her picture taken. She cut out the parts of photos she like and put them all over her wall. Three years worth of pictures of her, her friends, our pets, our vacations, our families, and all of that. My mother will not be able to take that right now, but she doesn't want anybody to touch any of Jessica's things. I think that I am a bit stronger than my mother emotionally, but I could not take it for very long. The best analogy that I can think of would be rubbing in salt into a fresh wound.

This is going to be a hard year, and I am almost 100% certain that any plans that I had for this summer have just changed.

Posted by Randy at April 12, 2003 10:07 PM