September 30, 2003


How mad have you ever been? Has your anger towards something ever increased so rapidly that the tone of your voice changes drastically between two words? Has this anger ever caused you to wish bad things not on a person but that person's family? Have you ever wanted to see that person when he learned of tragic news just so you could laugh in that person's face?

I was in the middle of just such a seething rage against a certain class and a certain professor when I suddenly realized the extent of what I wanted to happen to this person. I was wishing things against this prof that were so horrible that I am ashamed of myself for even thinking them. I am not going to give examples of those wishes because I am deeply ashamed of them. This feeling of shame is not helped by the realization that all of my problems in the class are really my own fault.

If I am upset about something, most of the time I will let people know about it. However, I am the type of person that when I am absolutely enraged about something I become extremely quiet and I sort of zone out. This is how you can tell if I am upset about something or if I am literally wanting to kill someone. I once sat and stared at a wall in my room for hours after the most aggravating day of high school I ever had. Some people yell, scream, or want to hit things when they are enraged. I just stay still and stew in it. I was once accused of savoring my anger, but I don't think I do that.

It isn't the big things that can send me off into one of these paralyzing rages. It is always a combination of small things, and it is always the "straw that broke the camel's back" that gets the majority of my anger. Thus, my anger was directed towards University Physics II and the creator of the CAPA problems.

Why have I been getting so angry lately? I don't understand it. It is as if every single ounce of patience that I had for other people has been drained out of me somehow. Maybe I've just been too stressed lately.

Posted by Randy at September 30, 2003 08:07 PM