December 07, 2003


Why? Why, on the weekend before finals, do I wake up hearing a voice inside me practically yelling at me to go home? Why is it that I had an undeniable urge to get in my car and drive home when I have all of my finals on Monday and Tuesday? Why?

This question has been floating around in my mind ever since I left campus around two o'clock on Saturday. The answer eluded me. I could not understand why I would feel a sudden unbearable case of homesickness one week before Christmas break. The fact that I live only an hour away from my house and that I go home practically every weekend only added to my confusion.

Strangely enough, the answer came to me at 1:30 in the morning as I was making some popcorn and reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

This is the month of December, Christmas season. This is going to be the most joyous time of the year...and my sister is dead and buried. For some reason, I just realized that I have been feeling guilty about staying away from my family. I avoid them because they almost always bring up my sister in conversations, and it annoys the crap out of me. Although I have gone home more this semester than any other one, I believe I have spent less time with my family than at any other time in my life.

I find excuses to get away from family get-togethers, leave houses as soon as I can, and generally shudder at the thought of staying over the night with any of my relatives. I have been being a complete and utter asshole to the people who I love.

That has to change.

Posted by Randy at December 7, 2003 01:54 AM