By popular demand, I am posting the outline to the speech I gave this past Monday in Speech class.
Thesis Statement: In order to find life-long love here at LeTourneau, just remember to STALK.
1.Do like awake at night, wishing for that special someone?
2.I have suffered as you have, and I have found hope.
3.If you select, trail, avoid, learn, and konnect, you can meet your soul-mate.
4.In order to find life-long love here at LeTourneau, just remember to STALK.
I. You can’t find love until you select a target.
A. You must know what attributes are desirable.
1.Be sure your target is female (I'll explain later)
2.Skinny is bad because skinny is fast
3.Education majors are really here for you to pick up
B.You must be an expert with the LeTourneau Student Directory.
1.Use the yearbook to find a picture you like
2.Next look her up on the 'net
3.All the info you need to start STALKing is there
C.You must learn call-and-hang-up tactics.
1.Girls are excited by phone calls
2.Call several times a day, but never talk
3.This makes them eager to meet you.
Selecting your target is only the beginning.
II. By Trailing you can learn more about the love of your life.
A. Seek vantage points from which you can monitor her movements.
1.God created the berm to help you.
2.MSC3 provides a good vantage point.
3.Floor lobbies are great for picking her up in the morning after waiting for her all night
B. Learn shielding tactics so you are not easily spotted
1.A good book on knitting makes you look innocent and desirable
2.A large umbrella can make you look like a flower
3.Cars are helpful if you love-target is a quickie
4.Hats are an important resource to the discerning lover.
C. Obtaining her schedule is an effective and productive exercise.
1.As you follow keep track of times and room numbers.
2.Always be watching when she leave a classroom, it makes her feel protected
3.Binoculars can help if you are at all shy
Your trailing may bring down some heat.
III. Now its time to hone your avoidance skills
A. Three simple steps for dealing with Security.
1.Greet them warmly: Security doesn't have many friends, be a friend to them
2.Run: Security doesn't want to chase you anyway
3.Throw donuts. Security isn't well fed
B. If noticed, be ready to mime.
1.Hand motions can be very expressive
2.It incites pity in the viewer
3.You can't possibly give away your name
C.Three sure-fire excuses to use if you are caught.
1.I'm you're long-lost cousin. (has other problems later)
2.You're stalking me!
3.Propose in the spot (no ring makes it more romantic)
You’ve seen her move from silent darkness, now its time get personal.
IV. Learn about her life in detail
A.Friend interrogations while remaining anonymous.
1.Approach room-mates at night in a ski-mask and ask key questions
2.Pull the cousin line to get sympathy
3.Tell her you are asking “for a friend”
B.Calling parents as a surveyor, another time-honored skill
1.Parent's sense of civic duty can gain you important facts
2.Start with “how many children do you have”
3.Work up to questions like “what is your daughter's greatest fear?”
C.How commercial information services can provide key childhood facts.
1.For a small fee 3rd parties can acquire information for you
2.See me after class for details
You know her every thought, now its time to steal her heart.
V. Konnecting is the final step to your life-long love.
A. Obtaining a ring cheaply is easier than it seems.
1.A $5 ring from Walmart looks pretty good
2.Many class-mates have rings they wouldn't need if they broke up with their boyfriends (hint)
3.With rings, less is always more (its the thought that counts)
A. Picking a location that’s out of the way is important.
1.Berm tunnels provide great privacy
2.Put out nearby lights for that romantic atmosphere
3.Wear a romantic color, like black
B.Be sure to use the element of surprise.
1.Don't just say “I love you.” Scream it.
2.Grab her knees. Women like this.
3.Tears will help you win her heart
C.Just do it.
1. By selection, trailing, avoiding, learning, and konnecting you can find true love right here at LU.
2. The ratio may be against you, but if you stalk as I have taught you, women will be dying to meet you.
The speech was delivered in 7:11. I may have lost points because I didn't have any sources included with the outline.Posted by Moore at March 3, 2005 11:17 PM