I skimmed my journal that I found the other night. I only skimmed the section from my freshman year of college. It tells an interesting story and to compare my life then with my life now, I can see the growth. That's a benefit of journaling. It was rather strange because I wonder why I don't journal as much (apart from blogging) now. I think it's because I didn't need it quite so much after I finished. I started my journal in loneliness, as a way to connect to "someone" and pour out my heart. than God blessed my life with dear dear friends, and I had real people to pour out my heart too. While I still record more personal thoughts elsewhere, usually during the harder times, I don't need to as more. Really, I've only ever journaled when I was struggling and to say that I haven't journaled somewhere where only my eyes read says that I've grown and that I guess I deal with trials differently now. I can't really say that life is any easier. It isn't. Goodness knows I've dealt with quite a few other hard things. but, I have friends who watch and sit through the storms with me now because God is gracious.
I don't know.
Songs of the moment: Barlow Girl, "Surrender" and Stephen Curtis Chapman, "Bring it On"
Many of you know I'm quite fond of analogies and metaphors and other figures of speech, especially when I can make life connections. Well, I realized another life lesson learned from a simple thing: an Easter Egg Hunt.
You see, I haven't done well in recent Easter Egg Hunts because I make these bad and bold assumptions. I assume that because people have been there before me, than I don't need to make as careful a search because the probability that I find anything is slim. But people always miss things. I miss things....alright now, focus your thoughts back here. I can miss an egg if I look in the same spot three times. Details aren't my forte.
Well, I didn't realize the lesson I should learn from this until I was doing some reading for one of my papers tonight. I was reading on cessationism and contemplating the references that the guy was giving. You see, I generally wouldn't be as keen on doing an indepth word-study in the hopes of finding something that others didn't know before or missed because invariably I find that someone had figured it out already before me. Why bother than says I to myself?
It never really hurts to look again though now does it? Different perspectives, different lighting, different eyesight....they may help to reveal something to one person that another before missed. Else, I will walk away from the Easter Egg Hunt with little to show for myself. And if I were to walk away with many eggs, I hope I would realize that I probably received a lot of hints and divine inspiration along the way.
So i just got finished rereading through the first three months of my blog.
it's odd though; it seems to me as if i was a stronger person spiritually last spring than i am now. i had more of the passion back then. I wonder what happened. it's probably just how life goes.
well, it is almost that time to have dinner with my absolutely wonderful loving caring and all good things boyfriend.
Personality Disorder Test Results
I took this test last spring and came up very different than this (ENFP) Maybe it's just the time of night I've taken this test or maybe I've changed. Maybe I have more than one personality!
Your Type is
Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
44 1 33 11
Qualitative analysis of your type formula
moderately expressed introvert
slightly expressed sensing personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed judging personality
I only find it odd that the "S" is there with such a weak preference.
Well, I was going to put this off until tomorrow but because I'm thinking about this now after reading the others, I figure I'll post until I'm tired enough to sleep.
Socially, I am one of those who does far better in small groups and I think I always have been. Lots of people overwhelm me. I'm content to be by myself as necessary, but yeah, I do have this relational aspect. You could say I'm an extroverted introvert.
In my earliest younger days, I wanted to be friends with everyone and tried to do so yet I generally had the smaller group of friends whom I played with. Oddly enough, I think it tended to by guys. In the neighborhood, it was me, another boy and another girl, both were my age and we spent many afternoons, evenings, and weekends together. I think I would probably have been described, and still described somewhat, as fairly talkative and definitely one who liked to display my knowledge. I have clear memories of relating the minimum elevation of mountains and that 1991 was a...what's that word again? it's there in my brain......aghhhh, anyways, you know, something that can be read backwards as forwards. *Insertion the next day: palindrome! it's really funny that i remembered that 12 hours later just all of a sudden...*
This little bit of constantly displaying knowledge was perceived as bragging by all else and by the time i was in upper elementary school, I was becoming fairly disliked. Add to this that I had glasses and tended to become a teacher's pet. *sigh* I also tended to group as friends with the other strange ones who had their quirks. This continues even today :-p I was Miss Rules and and I was known to be a tattle-tale...anyways. I always had a few friends around though and I think I generally was accepted within my church age group.
Along came junior high. I realized that friends don't last forever and that they don't always like you. That hurt a lot--trying to pursue a used to be friendship that the other didn't want anymore. I also tended to be fairly dramatic with things....if I thought long enough, I could probably recall more details surrounding the "Cold War" from Orchestra. It didn't help that I wanted to be the best in just about everything and I sort of tended towards that route. I have a competitive streak. At this point, my little bro was having his own issues socially in school, far worse than I and sometimes that would come back upon me as my success would haunt him. Bus rides....*shudders* If it weren't for those two or three friends on the bus...sometimes just the one.
I was involved in middle school--basketball, student council, and a few other things. At functions that involved a lot of people, I found a few good friends and hung out with them--dances, parties, school lunch. Church was interesting during this time. I was in AWANA and had a close group of friends there...bonded much by the trials of our 6th grade leader and a sucky Sunday School. We made our own fun--sleepovers, team things, Bible quiz success and dreaming about next year when we were a part of the youth group.
Alright, I'm going to have to pick up on this later. Ya see, when I start remembering back, I remember lots of different things and it gets harder to stick with one topic. Besides, it's rather late for the weakly me and I haven't been doing well health wise the last couple of days. Today was a fairly bad day with the heart--enough to concern me. Maybe it was just reminding me that I'm not a perfectly healthy. So now that my eyes are beginning to close other minute or two, I'll crawl into bed.